You Know You’ve Gotten Too Fat When…
Hey ladies, you know that hatred you feel whenever you see a slim, attractive woman that makes you want to put her in front of a firing squad? No? Hmm…maybe it’s just me.
You know you’ve gotten too fat when…
You’ve lost touch with your toes.
Lying down on the bed to zip up your jeans doesn’t work anymore.
All your clothes are sweats.
You lost count of how many chins you have.
You have a panic attack when you realize you are out of chocolate.
You’re on a first name basis with everybody at the local bakery.
You belong to cookie of the month club.
Dishes in the cupboard rattle 5 minutes before you enter the kitchen.
Your refrigerator is too small for a week’s worth of groceries.
To you, exercise has to do with your free speech rights.
Lane Bryant no longer carries your size.
You can only go to theaters that have flip up armrests.
You cut off your oxygen when you reach for the remote.
You have man boobs.
The back of your arms look like bat wings - and you caution people not to stand too close to them on a windy day.
Your chins obscure the view of your neck.
Your scale is suing you for cruel & unusual treatment.
Your belly button has gone from an innie to an outtie.
People mistake you for PopEye when you wear a muscle shirt.
You reserve your come hither look for sugar, fat & starch.
You’re in the market for a push-down bra.
Feel free to add to the list.
I’m just going to step out for some Crispy Cremes…
WC 
November 4, 2006 at 10:06 am
Too many of these are hitting a little too close to home as I’m reaching my “highest ever by myself” weight (meaning, no baby on board to blame it on ;-). I love my sweats! Jeans with enough spandex in them so I can sit and breathe at the same time are also pretty darn cool. While I’m at it, lets add to the list: Still wearing maternity underware even though your last baby was 5 1/2 years ago.
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KTOO, you as always, just tell it like it is. I swear I couldn’t hardly breathe I laughed so hard at this.
WC
November 4, 2006 at 6:38 pm
The Gentleman from Texas will yeild the balance of his time to whomever wants it.
Mrs. Squawk reads this blog too.
LOL Squawky! The gentlemen from Texas time has been so yielded! I’m flattered that Mrs Squawky reads too! Tell her not to be shy and say what’s on her mind. I’d love to hear.
WC
November 4, 2006 at 7:33 pm
You know you’re (shall we say) ‘past your prime’ when every friggin pair of jeans you own or even try to buy, are what are maddenly referred to as “MOM JEANS”…I don’t wanna wear Mom Jeans!!!
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mom Jeans! I havent’ heard that phrase for a while - but yoiks it sure doesn’t conjure up a sexy image now does it? But maybe that’s how they ought to size things from now on. It would make it easier don’t you think?
Gramma Jeans
Mom Jeans’
Yuppy Jeans
Nanny Jeans
Teen Jeans
Tween Jeans
Kid Jeans
Toddler Jeans
Baby Jeans
Anorexic Jeans
in that order….
WC
November 4, 2006 at 8:29 pm
You know midlife has arrived and your skinny days are long gone when you are shocked at seeing how the back of your body looks in the mirror. You can convince yourself the front view is okay, and maybe the side view is passable if you suck in your stomach really hard, but when you see yourself from behind with those new rolls of fat around your waist and the big fat ass…it definitely puts you over the edge. And never seeing yourself from behind unless two mirrors are set just right, it can be a rude awakening! That view launched me into my current diet which has gone on for four months now.
You know you’re fat when you see the weight loss ads on TV talking about losing weight to return to a size 4. Size 4? I think I was 9 years old when I wore a size 4. Now who are we kidding here? Size 4 is never gonna happen.
~ PG
Oh PG! Not the rear view! We can’t even go there. It’s too tragic to even think about.
Size 4????!!!!! They’ve got to be kidding. Of course there are many girls out there proud to be a size zero these days. Can you imagine a woman aspiring to be a size zero. Something about that is so disturbing. It’s like wishing to not exist.
I guess you and I will have to compare diet notes in a couple months - especially since Zelda’s Christmas Eve bash is not that far off. Oy!
WC
November 4, 2006 at 8:29 pm
I can’t add to this…but I can relate to a few of them!! Too funny..
Cheers, Kelly
From your pics I’d say you were a bit of a stringbean…so I regard your comments with a bit of suspicion. LOL. How did you like my picture? Nice, eh? I particularly like my boa - festive for a Sunday. hehe
WC
November 5, 2006 at 12:47 am
well i can relate to a few of them too!! i’ve gone from a 9 to a 12 in the last few years, so i feel like a bloody whale! i KNOW i’m not, but i FEEL like i am…mt head goes through the whole “your metabolism slows down as you get older” “it’s harder to lose it as you get older” everything i think of tells me i’m on my way to middle age and that’s worse, so i just let it all go to my hips and it’s happy there with everything else……works for me
LOL A-Mum. I know that ballooning hips outta nowhere syndrome. Not fair - once we get our heads on right, our bodies go to the dogs. I guess there is no justice in the world.
WC
November 5, 2006 at 5:32 pm
Hey, I think you forgot a pair in your list…how ’bout…I WANNA BE SEXY, BUT MY FAT ASS WON’T COMPLY jeans?
That would be a really big label - but my ass could handle it. lol.
WC
November 5, 2006 at 8:31 pm
Ouch.
I guess I’ll add a few:
You’re too fat when:
*Your favorite cracker is Wheat Thicks
*The back of your neck looks like a package of hot dogs
*Your new nickname is “Damn”
*Kids throw snowballs at you and instead of hitting you they go into orbit around you
* There’s small, large, really large, enormous and then there’s your size (pick a name)
I’ll stop there.
Very funny post.
~m
LOL. Well then just call me Damn Writer Chick, then.
WC
November 5, 2006 at 11:24 pm
Well yeah stringbean may be the appropriate term now, and part of the reason for my going to the gym is to put on some healthy weight, however being 5 foot nothing and size 14-16 at one stage, I can indeed relate
Kelly
Apologies and I stand corrected. You were a sister in cellulite and I’d no idea. Okay, I won’t send you to the firing squad.
LOL.
WC
November 6, 2006 at 9:28 am
here’s the secret to weight loss:
everything you love, you can’t have, you WILL be hungry, and most importantly, you MUST exercise at least 3 to 4 times aweek, and no that does not include channel surfing or walking to the fridge…
so basically, it really really sucks…but that’s just the way it is!!
Peace
FC (working towards PC-Phat Chick)
Phat Chick,
Well I admire your perserverance and discipline. Me? I find ways to make substitutes that can replace the taboos. Just made a ab-fab Atkins cheesecake. Yummy!
WC
November 6, 2006 at 7:03 pm
Wow, that MichaelM is a mean bastard, ain’t he?
Seriously, I think you’re all being WAY to hard on yourselves. FWIW, I was once married to a woman who was a size two at best, and I wouldn’t go back to her if she was the last woman on earth! Wife version 2.0 is a full figured gal who is everything (warm, loving, generous, etc.) that wife version 1.0 wasn’t, and I wouldn’t trade her for the world.
So Smith, I take it this means you like a woman with a little meat on her bones - like they say in the midwest. Well God bless you darlin!
WC
November 7, 2006 at 5:20 am
I like the slogan, ‘Ewe’s not fat, ewes just fluffy.’
LOL. That’s a new one to me. I like it though…
WC