Things You Should Never Say to a Woman

1. Who did that to your hair? (Okay, we already know that our hair looks hideous and that the evil hairdresser or our bad tempers have wreaked havoc - no need to remind us. In fact, if you do - you may end up as hairless as the Taco Bell dog.)

2. Your time of the month, huh? (I shouldn’t have to explain this but I will anyway. If it isn’t that time by saying that you are essentially telling a woman that she is irrational and emotional and it’s bugging you. If it is and she’s feeling irrational and emotional you may end up wearing the frying pan. So, you see, no good can come of uttering this statement.)

3. I didn’t recognize you from behind. (You can say, you didn’t recognize them for any reason other than their rear view - this is self explanatory I think.)

4. You look just like your mother. (While little girls almost always want to grow up to be their mothers, once they have passed puberty, the last thing in the world they want to be or look like is their mother because by that time they have piled up enough incidents, resentments, etc. about their mothers that they have sworn a secret oath between them and God that they will never do that or be that or look like that when they are grown up.)

5. Are you going to eat all of that? (To a woman, this is code for ‘you are too fat, stop eating you big cow’ clearly this will not yield any good result for amicable conversation)

6. Oh, I forgot it was your birthday. (A woman’s birthday is the day that she gets to be a Goddess - if only in her own mind. To even infer that you don’t recall that special day goes so far beyond insult that you may find that Mars is a very lonely place to live.)

7. Are those real? (Does it matter? Will it stop you from staring and imagining said item naked?)

8. Is that your real hair color? (If it is purple, pink or blue you may get a pass on this question, otherwise let it be between her and her hairdresser.)

9. You remind me of my mother, sister, ex girlfriend. (Even if she does, she doesn’t want to know about it. Lest she think that she is merely a stand in for someone else. She is her own person, an individual who is uniquely her - reminding you of someone else, diminishes her power. Unless she reminds you of a talented, beautiful or greatly admired personal hero, never say this out loud. )

10. When is the baby due? Or,oh my God, you’re pregnant! (Never ever, ever, ever, assume a woman is pregnant, even if she is wearing maternity clothes. Unless she tells you herself, assume she is just going through a heavy carb phase.)

11. You run a whole company by yourself? (You might as well just say, what’s a fragile, little cream puff like you doing in a man’s world?)

12. Don’t you miss having a job? (Usually said to stay at home moms. The inference that raising a family and running a household isn’t work or fulfilling. You do not want to incite mom wrath. Really. Trust me on this.)

13. Anniversary? What anniversary? (Expect to find your clothes in the front yard and your collection of mooseheads following close behind.)

There may be more - feel free to add.

WC

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