Great Gobs of Death & Other Things You Don't Want in Your Mouth


So, last night I was having my bi-weekly dinner with Zelda – actually we weren’t supposed to have dinner but she’d called and said she wanted help moving two of her vehicles – which were both at her rental property, blah blah and could I help her out? Sure, I said. Expecting her to be by in five or ten minutes…two hours later she finally shows up and I’m starving cuz I put off eating cuz she was coming right over. Right? No, Zelda has no sense of time. Anyway…I was pretty much gnawing on my own ankle by the time she arrived, so we went to dinner.

Apparently, there was not enough bread, soup and crackers in the joint since I hoovered everything brought to the table the moment it hit my radar. Zelda looked on in apparent horror – what had happened to her friend and who was this pod person sucking up all food in sight? “Blood sugar” I mumbled around a mouthful of something or other. Oh yeah, when I’m in this state I also eat really fast, and Zelda nearly lost two fingers when she reached for the last piece of bread.

Being the odd night that it was, the odd dining behavior and so forth we started talking about how picky an eater I was (while I was literally eating everything in sight) – we argued about what sushi really was and apparently according to Zelda since spicy tuna rolls have mostly rice they aren’t really sushi. Well I thought that was too bad since I call it sushi and I happen to eat it but none of that ‘real’ sushi. Gag me with a spoon. I told her about the time that a date had taken me to a sushi bar and force-fed me a piece of raw, okay, now I’m saying it was raw yellow fin. The minute it hit my mouth it was like a great gob of death, it smelled like old gym shoes and tasted like what I imagined ripe road kill to taste like. So, here I am with this gob of bacterial black plague in my mouth and the date chatting away and smiling cuz he sees the tears in my eyes and thinks I’m so happy to be eating this nuclear waste product – and I’m trying to not actually have my mouth touch it or definitely not taste it. So I somehow manage to excuse myself to the ladies room and as soon as the door closes I Heimlich Manuever that puppy right the hell out. And then of course spent the rest of the evening dying to go home so I could actually eat some real food.

After Zelda got over this story, and composed herself, ensuring she hadn’t actually wet her pants we started talking about other gobs of death that have no business in anyone’s mouth. Pickled Pigs Feet. Have you ever seen these things? They look like the leftovers from a bad operation. And my dear father, God rest his soul, loved these. Whenever he ate them, I refused to go near him for at least two days – I just couldn’t get the image out of my head. The next on the list is anything Roomie makes. He figures as long as he throws olive oil in everything he eats he’s on the life-extending Mederterrainian diet. Okay, are you ready? Fried eggs on top of rice with some fish thrown in for good measure and doused with olive oil. It’s like a hong-kong surprise dock breakfast or something. Oh yeah a bit of raw garlic too. Yummy. Barf. Okra – do I have to explain this? It already looks like something dead and rapidly accumulating a secret disease and then people eat it. I can’t even smell the stuff without thinking of a funeral.

Then there are minor items like:

Anchovies – mmm fury fish – yep I’ll have a double order of those.

Calamari – breaded and deep fried rubber bands – yummy!

Vegemite – sorry my Aussie friends but it tastes like yeast flavored glue.

Powdered cream – why not just go to your local hazardous waste station and scoop some of that into your coffee?

Tripe, chitlins, whole fishes, tongue & haggis – I may have guts but I can’t eat them, nor anything that can look at me or talk to me.

So, those are my great gobs of death, what are yours?

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26 responses

  1. i love fried okra, but boiled… ::shivering::
    So slimy! It actually feels like a gob. And although i’ve never tasted a chitterling, i don’t want to eat anything that once held literal shit. Ew!

    Your list is so perfect. All of those things are truly vomitrocious. But i’d like to add some.

    Texture
    -lima beans
    -chick peas
    -cantelope
    -scallops
    -oysters
    -and i’m so sorry to say, tomatoes. But let me also say, i like them in salads, on a burger or in a taco, but alone? Ick!

    Taste
    -liver
    -liver
    -shrimp
    -liver

    Just the very idea!
    -liver
    -tongue of any animal
    -kidneys (my mom used to try to make us eat kidneys. Gag!)
    -tripe (like in menudo, which my husband lurves.
    -insects. (i don’t care how much protein is in a dry-roasted cricket. i. Am not. Down.)

    Whoa, Chica, we sure got you going. And are you kidding with the dry-roasted insects? R actually eats them? Yikes, I don’t even know what to say. I remember when I was in high school during English Lit someone passed me a chocolate (I am a chocolate addict, you know) and I bit down on that sucker and it was some sort of nasty insect covered in chocolate. Oh my gawd! I managed to spit it into a piece of notebook paper but it took days to get the taste out of my mouth. Gives me shivers just to think of it. LOL.
    Annie

  2. Blue Cheese. yuck.
    Radishes.

    Regarding sushi – I’m not a fan.

    Hey C!
    Yeah, radishes…what is up with those? Fire veggies? Yikes, like eating gasoline or something.
    Annie

  3. You had me at ‘So’ and then you lost me at vegemite…! Annieeeee! Vegemite doesn’t taste like glue! Vegemite and avocado on rye toast is one of my standard breakfasts! But, I am an Aussie, and admitedly, it does take an entire childhood to get to like the crazy stuff!
    I’m SO with Curious C – blue cheese is CACK!
    Funny post, Annie :)

    LOL Simonne, I knew that vegemite crack was going to cause outcries from my Aussie chums. Listen, Moe sent me some and I tried it, I really did. I tried it a few times and sorry darling, but it so tastes like glue to me with a yeasty backbite that I don’t know what else to tell you. I’m glad that you like it, and since I don’t that just means there is more for you. How’s that?

    Oh too about the bleu cheese, I happen to love it. Yummy. Oh and brie too, even better. The best. So I guess you’ll have vegemite on your crackers and I’ll bleu cheese or brie on mine. Sound good?

    Annie

  4. ummmmmmmm sushi one of my favorites…did I hear spicy tuna maki? My favorite !! Anyway you tell Zelda that ushi is not raw fish. Technically it is the rice. The fish is not considered sushi by the Japanese. There are 3 times of sushi Nigiri which is sliced fish placed on formed season sushi rice.
    Maki which is anything in a rolled fashion with nori (seaweed sheet ) Sashimi sliced raw fish.
    It’s all good to me. Oh theres tekamaki which aer hand rolls in seaweed looks like a sushi ice cream cone ;) And I never met a sushi I didn’t like next time go for the unagi maki (eel roll with avacado}

    Hey Ger,
    Well, thanks for the lesson in sushi, little known facts are often interesting. Oh yeah, I have an eel story too – yikes what is it with men who insist on making eat bizarre food? Cripes. It was almost as bad as the yellow fin. Gag. So, you can have all the sushi and especially the eel and I’ll stick snickers bars, otay? :lol:
    Annie

  5. i think i just threw up a little when i read eel and avacado, Gerry! :) Eel- i just can’t. i won’t. And avacado? i should’ve put it on my list but forgot.

    My mom loves sushi and eats it definitely more than she should, i’m positive. And she’d always try to get me to taste something new. i don’t even like California roll, which is supposed to be the, i don’t know, mildest? most generic? roll of all.

    The only thing i’ll eat is tuna with rice. That i can do, for mom’s sake, and i musn’t chew it too much or i’ll prolly freak out.

    Oh my gawd, chica, you crack me up. Yeah California roll is pretty mild but I thought had avacado in it. Hmm…Yes, well we’ll let Ger eat what he wants and you and I can have m&m’s and cocoa pebbles, eh? ;)
    Annie

  6. I’ve given you an award. Hope you can accept. :) I don’t think I would ever eat traditional haggis, brains, or other organ meats. Blech.

    Aw Teens, you’re so sweet to me and thanks. I saw it – but have been knee deep in doing books today – just finally finished, thank gawd! Yeah we stay away from sheep head and brains and stuff. LOL, reminds of frankenstein or something, ‘I vant to eat yor brains’ muwhwhwhahahahaha. ;)
    Annie

  7. Oh Annie you don’t know what you’re missing you must mean you had yellowtail aka Himachi in the sushi world. You may have had a bad sushi experience cuz good sushi has no smell or fishy taste. It is mostly texture. California Maki may be up your alley it is crabmeat rolled in rice with avacado and cucumber w/seaweed rolled with the rice outside and small smelt roe on the outside of the rice (caviar) I got ~M to do sushi for the first time and he got hooked (no pun intended) You may also like oshinko maki which is pickled plum or some futomaki which is made up of veggies to start with. I do draw the line at uni which is seaurchin. and tako which is octopus

    Thanks, Ger, for the sushi and other icky food, lesson but no thank you. I simply can’t eat food I don’t understand and I definitely don’t want to understand this stuff. Blech. Sorry, no offense but ah…fohget about id.

    Annie

  8. I hear ya about the yellow fin – along with all the other stuff on your list. I like okra, but only when it’s super-fried. Otherwise, it’s a mushy mess.

    I’m a downer for slimy foods, so snails and oysters are totally out. And I always say no to crawfish – you have to break their head off and suck the guts out! Eww!

    OOps, so sorry, I mistook you for my friend, Jess. Let’s start over – Hi MJ and welcome to my dive. I can’t abide okra under any circumstance, part of it is the smell, reminds of rank locker rooms. And crawdads I love but you need to get the big ones – the little ones aren’t worth the trouble.

    Annie

  9. My husband LOVES LOVES LOVES pickled pigs feet – which he is NOT ALLOWED to have in our house. So any time there is a salad bar, guess who is checkin it out!

    Oh yeah, it’s definitely one of those ‘go eat that in the garage’ kind of things, eh? And are you telling me they have pickled pig’s feet at salad bars somewhere? Oh please say it is’nt so. Yikes.
    Annie

  10. I refuse to eat sushi. Raw fish is not food. Small raw fish is bait. And as far as tripe goes, a steaming bowl of menudo is one of my favorite foods. Right up there with barbecoa. Which is made from the cheek meat off of a cows head. Crazee Tastee.

    Exactly my friend, it’s bait. That’s just what it is. I agree. But then, you lost me on the beef guts and cow head. Whoa cowboy – I’m too delicate for that. ;)
    Annie

  11. BTW, when I saw the title of your post, I thought of about a dozen pics that I could have sent you. ;)

    YOu know, I’ve no doubt you have some mighty fine pictures you could have sent my way, I probably couldn’t have used them for this post but stil…

    You see, what I cut out of this post. LOL. Maybe the pics will come in handy later. hehe
    Annie :)

  12. I think that the only things that I don’t eat are Brussel sprouts and octopus. I can’ stand the taste of brussel sprouts and I am worried that the octopus will stick to the roof of my mouth – kinda like The Day of the Triffids meets Octopus salad or something.

    I have never had tripe or black pudding but love tongue, brains, liver (especially yummy when fried up with bacon and then make gravy) and there is nothing better than a great steak and kidney pie.

    Then there’s sushi, actually I prefer sashimi (just the fish, no rice), calamari has to be fresh so that it isn’t like rubber bands and oysters. Mmmmmm oysters :)

    And Vegemite. Well, what can I say???? It is yummy, but I hope that you weren’t using the same amount that you would for PB or something, cause its way too strong for that. Just the smallest amount of Vegemite smeared on hot toast with melted butter – Heaven.

    Like I said, there isn’t many foods that I don’t eat. I know, I’m weird.

    Yay, Gem is back! Now see to me, dear, octupus, calamari and squid are all the same – can’t stomach them. I don’t mind brussel sprouts however and I like my liver, onions and bacon too. Wasn’t the Day of Triffods series fantastic? I loved that series – so creepy and fun.

    LOL – no dear, I am not spreading vegemite like peanut butter. Golly – that would’ve been the stuff that eating contests are made of. LOL. No, it was just a smidge, Moe gave me instructions and sorry, glue with a yeasty aftertaste, that’s all my tastebuds are telling me with that stuff. Then again, you might not like cheese whiz, which I find delish. Maybe it’s something in the air or the water, eh?

    Annie :)

  13. I stay away from sushi. I ate it once to my tummy’s horror the next day. As far as pigs feet– there is nothing more disgusting than standing at the check-out counter in a convenience store and staring at a jar of pigs feet, and of course it sits by the tiny jars of pickled dove’s eggs, etc. And I’m with you on the chitlins too. I can’t believe some guy tried to woo you with raw fish….only you..:) Hee.
    Too much girl, you are too much.
    kim

    Oh yeah, that’s true – when I lived in Florida you saw that stuff everywhere. It must be a southern thing, eh? Yeah, I know, I am so lucky – the boys they just love woo me. And sushi is the least of it. LMAO!!!!! :lol:
    Annie

  14. Tripe Evyl YuK!! Nasty There aren’t many things I won’t try but tripe yijkes.. I ran a bar in a chinese restaurant for a couple years and went into china town in Boston with the owner for dim sum.. they had duck feet and checken feet in black bean sauce I gave it a try sort of an aquired taste. Speaking of pickled things I draw the line at pickled lambs tongues…

    Okay Ger, you’re just going to keep talking about this weird food, aren’t you? Well okay, then, have fun. LOL
    Annie

  15. re: I Heimlich Manuever that puppy right the hell out. Okay, total laugh out loud statement. I did this recently with some extremely vile cheese the Lion tried to trick me into eating. Only I didn’t have time to excuse myself to eject it in private. Nope, it hit my tongue and came right back out again. My complete list of dislikes is in one of my posts…quite an extensive list…but other than corn, I think Extremely Vile Cheese is the only item I can’t choke down. Like I want to eat some teenage boy’s gym socks! Pu-leeze!

    Vile cheese, oh my gawd, Panther, you’re right. There is some wicked, smelly vile stuff out there too. Especially that stuff that is like a hundred years old and has mold growing on its mold. Yikes. I would have loved to see the instant replay of the the ejection – must have freaked out the Lion pretty good. LOL.
    Annie

  16. Yeah, I back, had a really busy weekend.

    And what is cheese whiz??? Anything like a Kraft dinner or something???? Or shouldn’t I ask………

    No, you can ask, not sure if I can explain. It’s ‘cheese stuff’ we wouldn’t really call it cheese if we were to be honest. LOL. Anyway…it’s cheese stuff put in an aerisol can so you can spray it on crackers – because you know cheese is really hard to slice. LMAO. Sorry, I’m having too much fun over here. I hope that explains it. If you want a pictorial, check this: http://www.beloblog.com/KHOU_Animal_Attraction/animalattraction/EasyCheese.jpeg

    Enjoy!
    Annie

  17. Annie,

    Okay, I was with some friends in the city of Gunsan, South Korea, and eating this delicious smoked duck cooked inside a pumpkin squash. At the end of the meal, the waitress asked if we’d like her to make fried rice from the the leftover white rice. Thinking, we know what fried rice is and like the way it tastes, we said, “sure”. The waitress proceeded to cook the rice in the small oven on the table, mixing in what appeared to be seaweed. Guess what? It was seaweed! And the rice tasted like something that had just washed up on the beach! blech!!

    – JOS

    MMMMmmmm, sounds absolutely yummy! Oh lord, what did you do with it? Feed it to the dogs? Don’t you hate it when people ruin perfectly good rice? LOL
    Annie

  18. Oh Annie puuuuulease. OMG, you mean you actually eat that stuff??? What makes me shudder is the thought of all the colours, flavours and preservatives in that, cause both my kids are sensitive to all that stuff, so I gotta think like this. Blech. I’ll stick with my vegemite thanks all the same.

    And yeah, sure, cheese is sooooo hard to slice LOL

    Hell no, I don’t eat the stuff, I was just trying to think of an American version of vegemite. Yeah, it’s scary all right. I knew this would freak you out. LMAO. And yeah, ain’t cheese hard to slice? :)
    Annie

  19. Gosh, all this talk about food is making me hungry. Gag.

    Pickled pigs feet = no way/no how. Along with any other animal appendage.

    Sushi = Yuuuummmy. Especially eel. It’s my favorite. Sorry, don’t mean to gross you out!

    Hey Two!
    Man oh man, you lost me on the eel thing. Yikes – although we eat rattle snake over here too. Well, I don’t eat rattle snake, but apparently some people do. For me, foods like rattle snake, eel, octupus and vegemite should be reserved for when you are marooned on a desert island and must survive, so must eat whatever you can find. You know? :lol:

    Annie

  20. My gag reflex is starting just thinking about what I don’t like, and it’s usually a texture thing for me.

    Beans: I eat green beans, black beans, cannellini beans and chick peas. That’s it. The rest are just gross.

    Sweet potatoes: ick, ick, ICK!!

    Squash: I’m not talking zucchini or summer squash here, I’m talking the orange or yellow mushy stuff. Gross.

    Liver: Does anyone actually eat this?

    Sushi: I can say I’ve never had it. Raw fish does not appeal to me. At all.

    Now I need a bowl of ice cream to cleanse my palette, LOL.

    Hey Mrs. V,
    So you don’t like smushy stuff? I don’t mind smushy stuff – rubbery stuff bugs me, furry stuff bugs me and grisly stuff bugs me – textures I can do without, thank you very much. Though I think we can all agree that ice cream is universally loved, eh? ;)

  21. Thank god for anonymum!

    And we’ll have to fight over the brie cos I LOVE it! :)

    Yup, thank God for Moe. And there is always enough brie to go around darling, and I know a place that makes the best brie ever! We could get positively drunk on it. Yummy!
    Annie

  22. Wow, you sure got everyone going with this post. I’m with Gerry. We love sushi and I will eat mostly all of it except octopus. I love eel. But I do have a son-in-law who is part Japanese. I don’t like any organ meats. Yucky. I also won’t eat any feet of any sort. Legs, yes. Bugs, no. When I was little my father told me blue cheese was just for adults which made me want to eat it. He would give me tiny bites telling me not to tell my mother. He was a cheese fanatic and I guess he wanted me to be one to. He succeeded. I love blue cheese only in my new life as a WW I don’t eat it anymore.

    Hey Joanie!
    Yeah, who knew it would get such a reaction? LOL. My mom loved bleu cheese and she did the same sort of thing with me, told me it was for adults and so I always had to sneak some to find out why little girls couldn’t eat it too. But I never found that answer. ;)
    Annie

  23. Great story. Zelda sounds ace.

    Urgh !!! To shshi – never tried it – don’t want to but I do like cockles and muscles in shells.

    Pigs dick I wouldn’t go near. As a child I would natter my mother, ‘whats for tea, whats for tea’ her reply was always pigs dick and lettuce.

    Tripe – What the fucking point of eating lungs with black pepper. I know it’s the lining of a cows belly and not a lung but never the less….

    And.

    Gooseberrys. They just do not want to go in my mouth and fuck off to battered worms and watching friends eat slugs when they are drunk is ….. Ha!! I have to say very funny.

    OMG !!!! Let me get out of here.

    Urgh !!!

    Sorry for swearing
    Di
    No worries, hon – we all swear sometimes. I’d have to agree with your list – all sounds pretty dang yucky. Though I’ve never tried goose berries, not even sure if they have them in the States.
    Annie

  24. What about Pigs ears, my mother used to get them for the dog. Dried Pigs Ears. Is there any need. I always though that they would look great for fancy dress.

    What about white and black puddings. It’s dried blood made into round biscuites type thingys. I wonder why white and black, do you think it’s something to do with cells.

    Urgh !!!

    oh don’t. What about finding apple core in a hot apple pie. NO WAY. Hot fruit is just wrong.

    What about Frog shashimi the still fresh beating heart of a frog. Japan is fucked up Im telling you. I’ve just been looking.

    Ha !! I loved a line you used which is :other gobs of death that have no business in anyone’s mouth. To funny.

    Time for Tea now. I made a soup. Wanna know whats in it skinned baby mice – kidding. Thats Japan agian and mice wine.

    Di x

    Hey Di,
    Well I don’t think pig’s ears are meant for human consumption and I won’t give them to my dog either since they are too easy to choke on. Never had those pudding things you’re talking about but they sound a little dangerous to eat. ;)

    Hot fruit, hmmm, I like hot applesauce, made fresh, with cinnamon, quite tasty really.

    Thanks, but I think I’ll pass on the mice soup – maybe next time. :)
    Love
    Annie

  25. Hi WC,

    You’ve stirred up way too many thoughts to cover, including the eating habits of a college house mate, so I’ll limit myself to:

    Calamari, if properly cooked, is not at all tough. I served it, stir fried, on salad to half a dozen guests, without mentioning what it was, and they gobbled it down, until several minutes into the meal someone asked what the marvelous topping was and I told them.

    The main food item that I can’t stand is Brussels Sprouts. There is not enough cheese sauce in the world to cover up that foul taste.

    If raw fish has any odor at all, you should avoid it. Your date took you to a bad restaurant.

    the Grit

    Well, perhaps you could trick me into eating calamari – I have eaten, it doesn’t do anything for me. As to brussels, maybe it’s a Irish thing, I love cabbages and they just little cabbages – yummy. But I do like cheese sauce too and what a great idea.

    Yes, I suspect my date did take me to a bad restaraunt – which is probably why there wasn’t a second date, eh? ;)
    Annie

  26. Aw, i love brussel sprouts! They’re teeny-weeny cabbage…

    R won’t eat cauliflower because he says it looks like brains. And he won’t eat Thousand Island dressing because “it looks like flesh.”

    i love bleu cheese, but not the dressing. i love it on steak and burgers. Mmmm! But no one in my house will eat it so i never buy it. :( Warm brie and apples or good bread mmm…

    i forgot to mention gizzards. For the end-of-year holidays, my mom makes this Portuguese dressing that is chock full of nasty chewy gizzards. i call them meat gum, cos you have to chew and chew and chew it and it’s all gross because it’s gizzard for goodness’ sake!

    Oh my gawd, Chica, R is so funny. Cauliflower looks like brains? And thousand island looks like flesh. Oh my goodness. I dare not ask his opinion of other things. LOL.

    Don’t get me started on the gizzard in stuffing thing. Gives me creepy shivers. You shouldn’t have work that hard to eat to something, you just shouldn’t. It’s just wrong. :)
    Annie

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