Wow, this is hot off the press. Mike Wallace – older-than-dirt 60 Minutes has-been reporter – says that the Prez (can a dictator be a President?) Of Iran (that haven of democracy) is a big, warm, fuzzball. Yep, that’s right. All this time we thought Prez Ah-mean-a-jihad was this big ol’ fucking vicious, Jew-hating, son-of-a-whore, annihilation-aspiring scumbag and it turns out he is the Mr. Rogers of the Middle-fucking-East. Go figure!
Highlights from Wallace: (Prez Ah-mean-a-jihad) Doesn’t actually want to wipe Zionists off the map – no! He just wants them to go back to Germany where they belong. And he can’t for the life of him figure out why the Jews don’t wanna go. Could it be that maybe they just don’t trust the Germans all that much? I mean aren’t those damned hell-hole concentration camps still there? Don’t they use them as tourist attractions or something? Sure, let’s all go back to Germany where we have nothing and there just happens to be a new Nazi movement – and leave this haven we have created by our blood, sweat and tears and just give it to the benevolent Middle-fucking-Easterners. That should work.
You see, Ah-mean-a-jihad just doesn’t want them in his neighborhood. So when he said he wanted to wipe them out, he just meant in his immediate community. Sorry, did I miss the sales transaction where Iran (the haven of Democracy and Human Rights) now owns the Middle-fucking-East? Oh and Wallace went on to tell us about what a smart guy Ah-mean-a-jihad-carebear is. He’s thoughtful, he’s a professor at the local college (the better to indoctrinate the children), his answers were measured and hey, he gave some really enlightened responses. A real reasonable, rational, charming guy by all accounts.
Oh and get this – he has Jews in his Administration. How is that for an equal opportunity employer? I mean, what a guy. Of course, Wallace had it wrong. It’s not Jews plural, it’s Jew singular. But hey, it’s a start right. I mean maybe next year they’ll have a Jewess in the postal service or something. Oh and he does have 25,000 Jews living in Iran and they’re not dead yet, so you see he really is giving them a fair shake. Jews are okay, Zionists, not so much. I’m confused though, what is the diff? Is it the color of the burkah? If somebody knows, please enlighten me.
There was a downside though. He doesn’t like America. Damn it to hell! Yep, he just take exception to our friendliness to the Zionists. Just too much. Though on a higher note, he feels sorry for Bush cuz his poll numbers are down. And how sad for Bush. Talk about a guy who can see two sides of an issue, eh? Wow. I know I’m impressed. Yep in Wallace’s words, Ah-mean-a-jihad is more reasonable, perfectly sensible, smart and savvy. I mean what more could you want in a tyrannical monster? I ask you.
So in the koolaid-drenched, insanely proper world of Mike Wallace we have nothing to fear. Good news, huh?
Oh and one more thing. I just recieved an email from a friend that contains pictures of ‘punishment’ imposed on an 8 year old boy for stealing bread from the marketplace. They ran a fucking jeep over the kid’s arm. That’s right, you read it right. I couldn’t bear to post the pictures here but I’ll be happy to forward the email to anyone who would want to see it. They say a picture is worth a thousand words. They can say that again. Nothing to fear? Gimme a fucking break!