This may come as a shock to some of you, but I am not a morning person. Nope, not at all. If I had my way, I’d stay up til 3am and sleep until the morning was all but gone. I don’t begrudge others their joy of morning. Their utter delight at casting back the blankets and chirping, ‘Good morning, world!’ I simply don’t want to share it with them. (Please don’t involve me and no one will get hurt.)
Enter roomie (who has been an absolute pain of late) who lies in wait until I stumble out of my room to get my needed fix of coffee. Very strong, lots of cream. I want to get in, start the coffee and retreat to my room. I don’t want to engage my mind, any thought processes or even hear another voice. But can I get that little tiny bit of consideration in the agony of the morning light? NO!
The moment I emerge, he’s there – in the kitchen yammering about some stupid thing or another, following me from cabinet to cabinet. He is a computer engineer so his mind is filled with spreadsheets and equations – even during my most conscious moments I have not the slightest interest in such things. Who cares, as long as he has someone to sling his most recent ‘aha’ at that’s all that counts. He announces to me his latest discovery about this router or that. This headhunter or that interview (did I mention he has been out of a job for 3 fucking months?) and how clever he was with the guy. Or how he solved the weed problem in the front lawn. The spreadsheet he employed to determine the schedule for the drip irrigation system for the roses (which he refuses to prune, take care of or even admire).
Now make no mistake, this guy is my roomie – not my boyfriend. I pay my share of the rent – I derive no benefit from having to listen to this drek day in and day out. Unless you consider being intellectually accosted a benefit.
He also likes to ask me questions in the morning. Is your computer on? Why do you still show a connection on the router if you have turned off your system? Is it going to rain today? How’s your car running? Is the dishwasher full?
Or to brag – Thumper (his evil cat) has gained 3 ounces. The infection he had is gone now. The fat content in his food was too low so I’m adding Friskies to the mix. Yeah, I checked the ingredients and the percentage of crude protein to fat ratio was off….
All I want to do is scream ‘Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!’ But do I?
No, I don’t. The fact that he is big enough to squash me like a bug, may have some bearing in this decision. Instead, I have learned to nod in just the right way to make him think I am listening to what he is jabbering about. I nod and mutter and inch my way down the hall, nod, mutter, inch some more until I get back to my room and safe ‘world’ as soon as possible. Although, even a closed door in his face doesn’t always discourage him. If he’s especially interested in hearing himself talk, he’ll keep going….
I’m telling you there is just no good reason to be awake in the morning. Especially at my house.