You Know You’re on the Date From Hell When…

I think most of us have had at least one really bad date. Some of us have probably even had more than one. But for those of you who don’t know how to tell if you are on a date from hell, here are a few clues:

You know you’re on the date from hell when:

1. You mustached dinner date has a booger resting between nostril and hairlip and despite frequent trips to the restroom has not noticed. So, you spend the evening waiting for it to fall.

2. Your date prefers to watch you eat rather than order a dinner for himself and even volunteers he hasn’t enough money for two dinners anyway.

3. Your date feels free to scoop up tips left by other patrons in order to pay for his beers.

4. Your date doesn’t tip the waitress (who he just ripped off) which causes you to wait til he isn’t looking to slip the waitress a five.

5. He arrives at your house to pick you up for a coffee date, with grocery store roses and a cheap bottle of wine (how lucky does he think he’s going to get?)

6. For said coffee date he passes on Starbuck’s and goes straight to Denny’s.

7. Your date suggests dessert then drives you to the Shell station convenience store (30 miles away) and tells you to pick anything you want.

8. Your date looks like Steve Buscemi’s ugly older brother. ( Have you seen Steve Buscemi?)

9. The good night kiss reminds you it’s time to clean the fish tank.

10. The picture your friend showed you to agree to the blind date is clearly a picture of a model in a magazine or taken so long ago that there is no trace of resemblance to the current person.

11. Your date reminds you of one of Santa’s elves (and makes you feel big and fat to boot)

12. Your date feels that eating off your plate and making creepy sounds is a sexy come on.

13. Two minutes after you order your date launches into a monologue of all the bad relationships in his life – which apparently is every one before you.

14. When your date suggests you might like to read his short stories and you agree he whips his laptop out of his trunk and asks where he can plug it in.

15. He gets sulky when you tell him you want to go home after the 5 hour coffee date.

16. Your stomach is growling so loud that it is setting off car alarms yet he doesn’t notice and asks if you’d like more coffee or to go for a drive.

17. When he asks if he can see you again and you decline he acts as if you are breaking up a 20 year marriage.

18. Your dog will not stop barking at the man.

19. Your cat barfs on his shoes.

20. You slink down in your seat when you see someone you know – lest they see you with him.

21. His idea of a nice drive is playing chicken with pedestrians pushing baby strollers.

22. He tells you his favorite movie is Dune.

23. His favorite sport is bitching.

24. He brings coupons to pay for dinner.

25. His car smells funny.

26. During the drive to the shell station his facial features turn into an evil mask and you wonder if he really is a serial killer and what you might have in your purse to fend him off.

27. He leaves his sunglasses at your house so you have to call him back – which he turns into an opportunity to discuss what went wrong with your relationship.

28. Being 20 lbs overweight, he wonders out loud if you should be eating such a fattening dessert.

29. He does not understand the words, ‘please go home.’

Feel free to share and add to the list. ๐Ÿ˜‰


16 thoughts on “You Know You’re on the Date From Hell When…

  1. OMG how funny and true!! and yes, i have seen Steve Buscemi…. YUCK!! i loved the one with the dinner coupons. i have dated guys like that !! LOL

    Reg, imagine my surprise after my friend had talked about how cute he was. Oy, plus the dessert trip to the Shell station was really the cherry on the sundae. LOL. I’m afraid we’ve all dated guys like that. I’m just waiting for my male readers to tell us about some of the weird chicks they’ve dated. Could be enlightening.

    BTW, welcome to WordPress – it’s a nice community here and I’m sure you’ll like it.



  2. He pulls up to your house in a Peterbuilt tractor and trailer, apologizing and asks if you don’t mind riding with him to off the fertilizer.
    Then there is the famous asks if you want to have drinks at his place and when you arrive, his place is in the sleeper/cab of his tractor trailor parked at the nearest truck stop.
    Never trust a trucker driving a rental car.
    Naww not me, I would never have done those things.

    Hmm…Squawky…so you’re saying this is just a story you heard on the road? Methinks you could be fibbing. We’ll have to ask Mrs Squawky. Love that he has a livingroom in his truck cab – very Martha Stewart goes trucker. ๐Ÿ˜‰


  3. My all time favorite was the guy arriving to pick me up, he was drunk(yeah, I’m definately going in a CAR with YOU driving!)…Which turns out to be a mute point since he makes a beeline for your bathroom, where you get to listen to him heaving! Yuk…..And he wonders why I never took his phone calls afterwards!
    The trucker story by squawk worries me….I married a trucker! And NO, hes not the one in my story…I just hope he was the one in hers!
    LOL! Can I just say eeeoooowwww? Oh my and what did you do after he heaved in your bathroom? Really does make you go ‘wtf was he thinking’?, eh?
    Not clear about the one in hers comment. hehe


  4. Your at a chinese restaurant -quite a nice choice for the 30 something hick who’s idea of going out is usually the local pub – and he is sucking on the scallops in a fashion that you THINK is sposed to represent some kind of talent….TRUE STORY!
    p.s BTW this is NOT something I wanted to read considering I have 2 dates this week ๐Ÿ™‚ Would it look bad if I had this list on table with me??!

    OH my, there must be a book called “Come ons for Dummies” or something. What is it with guys and doing weird things with food that is supposed to send us swooning? Cripes!

    As to taking the list with you on your dates, we can reduce the font and make you a handy laminated card that will fit nicely into your evening bag. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Just make sure you have your cell phone with you and a friend or A-mum scheduled to call you halfway into it – so you can bail under the guise of ’emergency’ if either of them are real losers.



  5. It wasnโ€™t an official date, but I did something with a guy who worried obsessively about how I was doing. He asked whether I was thirsty, hungry, hot, cold, bored, and so on and so on. When heโ€™d finally worked his way through his list of worries, heโ€™s start over at the beginning and work through them again.

    He was a nice guy, but it was like being on a date with my grandmother when sheโ€™s trying to force me to eat three more helpings of dinner because she’s sure I don’t eat enough and then she thinks I must hate her cooking, but I’m simply not hungry.

    LOL! I had a nice belly laugh about the dating the gramma line. That would be awfully uncomfortable, wouldn’t it?


  6. One word: fem-stalkers.

    What’s a fem stalker? Is it someone who stalks women? Or is it a woman stalker? I’ve heard about women stalkers – scary shit.


  7. My bad…sorry…meant to say “I hope he was NOT the one in squawk’s story!”

    (Psssss…you really need an edit button for morons like me!)

    Yes, I agree that WordPress should give us edit buttons on our comments – I’ll get right on that. But they may be tired of hearing from me. ๐Ÿ˜‰


  8. how about the guy who comes to “pick you up”, than procedes to ask if “you’d drive” —Or—

    the guy (blind date) who mumbles even when you ask him to speak up because you can’t understand what he’s saying…. —–Or—–

    the guy (blind date) who takes you to the movies, asks if you’d like anything (this was years…………………ago) you say popcorn, he hands you $2.00 and says he’s going to the bathroom, than asks for his change when he gets back…… —–Or—–

    the guy who asks you to a concert, but than is so incredible late that you miss the opening band (which you really wanted to see-because they were up and coming) than as soon as your “seated” he steals your tickets because he saw 2 of his “chick” friends and wants to “sneak them in” and get high with them….yep yep…memories………..

    peace FC

    Oh my, where did you find such rude guys? Especially the last one – what a putz!


  9. Hey FC…those guys weren’t just blind dates! they were simply ASSHOLES!

    Or is that a pre-requisite for being a blind date?

    You may have hit the nail on the head there – maybe 1st dates are supposed to be from hell. But some must be okay or there wouldn’t be any second dates, yes?


  10. Or the guy that insists there is something seriously mentaly wrong with you when you decline to sleep with him 25 minutes into the first date, then continues the evaluation of your mental state all the way out to your car as you leave thanking God he doesn’t know where you live.

    *Snort, laugh, screaming* The all the way out to your car as you leave thanking God he doesn’t know where you live. line just killed me. And yes indeed, good he didn’t know where you lived. LOL – of course I would have come to your rescue with my trusty frying pan. ๐Ÿ˜‰


  11. Your date doesnโ€™t tip the waitress (who he just ripped off) which causes you to wait til he isnโ€™t looking to slip the waitress a five.
    Ah I always give tip to waitress..genrously but one incident made me think twice lol..I went out for a date with office friend and once we finished dinner I gave 10 pound note to waitress, she smiled and wished us a good evening, asap we walked out from resturant my office friend said why you were flirting with waitress…I took this by surprise and said no I wasnt she said I can see from your face were too genours with her….Thats one date from hell…so jelous lady lol…

    Hmm, sounds like you may have had a potential date from hell. Women who are jealous of waitresses are pretty insecure – beware women who pay too much attention to how much you tip the waitress. ๐Ÿ˜‰


  12. I can’t remember if I had dates this bad. Maybe I did. How about:

    Your date thinks picking up a six pack and swinging by your place is romantic.

    Perfect example…even better if he showed up after midnight.


  13. Thanks for the sympathy Bobo!! ๐Ÿ™‚ Luckily not ALL my dates were that bad, but just wanted to share the “worse” ones!!

    Peace FC


  14. I could always count on you to cover my back! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    You bet your boots my friend – and you still can. ๐Ÿ˜‰


  15. Classic. OMG, that’s funny.
    The most telling for me:
    Your cat barfs on his shoes.
    They’re such a good judge of character, ain’t they?


    Yes, many times the pets have it over on us as far as spotting the ‘troubled ones’ – ๐Ÿ˜‰


  16. Ahh… I knew I’d miss a lot while I was “away”. You’re a riot!

    How about going out on a date with a new cop and he’s so impressed with himself (more than I was) that he slips his gun in my lap under the table and whispers “hold this for me” as he leaves for the rest room. He didn’t know that I hate guns, so instant strike-out!

    I was so young at the time that I didn’t realize this is probably enough to get him thrown off the force, but I knew enough to let him keep my leather gloves that I accidentally left in his car (no matter how many times he called to return them)! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Missed ya!
    Hey Debs! missed you too. Wow, that cop was pretty trusting, eh? And stupid? WTF was he thinking?
    Definitely better to buy new gloves.


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