Naughty or Nice?

santa

You know that conventional wisdom says that if you’ve been nice you get rewarded for it (presents) and if you’ve been naughty you don’t (coal in the stocking).

So, I thought I’d give you a few tips on how you can score more Christmas bling or coal, depending on your desires:

Naughty: You pull your little sister’s hair and throw the handful of folicle evidence in the trash then line up three of your friends for alibis during the time of said crime.

Nice: You take said handful of hear (whilst swearing it was an accident) and superglu it back to sister’s head and offer her full access to your collection of baseball caps.

Naughty: You play chicken in the shopping mall parking lot with package-ladened shoppers.

Nice: You give package-ladened shoppers an escort to their cars and they thank you by giving them their parking spot.

Naughty: You cram as many cookies and other goodies from the office Christmas party buffet into your pockets and purse, so you can gorge on them later. And make snide remarks about how the company didn’t provide much of a spread.

Nice: You make sure everyone gets their fill of the goodies (even the geeks) by passing the tray and keeping a close watch for gorgers and stuffers.

Naughty: You tell the boss nasty things about your co-workers so you’ll get a bigger bonus and they will get sacked.

Nice: You talk up your co-workers (even the ones who don’t deserve it)Β  to the boss and tell him they are all deserving of raises.

Naughty: You bitch loud and long about the slow moving lines at the checkout and complain about the incompetence of the Christmas help.

Nice: You let the little old lady cut in line in front of you because she only has a few things compared to your overflowing cart.

Naughty: You re-gift the hideous sweater your Aunt Edna gave you to the loser you drew at the Secret Santa game at work.

Nice: You wear the hideous sweater and thank Aunt Edna profusely for the thoughtfulness of her gift at the family gathering.

Naughty: You heave the snow you’re shoveling from your walk over the fence to the neighbor’s freshly shoveled walk (late at night when no one can see you).

Nice: You send your kid to shovel the elderly neighbor’s walk so they won’t slip and fall.

Naughty: You mutter ‘bah, humbug’ to anyone who chances to wish you a Merry Christmas.

Nice: You wear a Santa hat and wish everyone you encounter a Merry Christmas.

Naughty: You stay up all night so you can prove there is no Santa Claus – then tell your sister that your dad bought her the bike.

Nice: You make sure the little kids don’t go downstairs while dad is putting the bike together and help eat the cookies your little sister left for Santa.

Naughty: You knock down the town Christmas Tree in the square and drag it home for firewood.

Nice: You buy extra ornaments and wrap toys to help decorate the tree and give to the more needy in the community.

Naughty: You ban all Christmas movies from the house and make your spouse go to her friends to watch them.

Nice: You watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” for the bagillionith time with your wife and agree it’s the best Christmas movie ever.

These a just a few of the things you can do to be naughty or nice. Feel free to add to the list.

WC

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12 thoughts on “Naughty or Nice?

  1. So what are you saying? I have to chose just one way to go…either or???? Why can’t I mix it up alittle, be both at different times…Or both at the SAME time! Now that could be interesting! Keep ’em guessing I say!

    Well honey, you always keep me guessing, no reason why the rest of the world should have it easy. hehehehehe
    WC

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  2. i like the list. i would still bitch about my ignorant, lazy stupid coworkers though, and PRAY they do get sacked! bunchs of morons!

    Thanks Reggie, and no worries do your bitchfest about the lazy, rotten no good for nothing coworkers – sometimes the truth will out. πŸ˜‰
    WC

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  3. Oh come on now anonymum….we all know theres alittle bit of naughty in everyone, even in jolly ole Saint Nick himself! Course hes coming…to you too!

    Ah…co-posters, I love it!
    WC

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  4. In fact A-Mum, he’s going to get to your place 12 hrs ahead of mine. So you don’t even have to be nice near as long! LOL
    I’m not completely convinced that totally nice is the way to go either. Some of the naughty ones sounded like a lot more fun!
    Jennifer

    Jennifer, I’m covinced of neither which is why I put both options out there. I figure you can go naughty, you can go nice or do a smorgasbord of items.
    WC

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  5. A quick little squeeze might even get you a face lift or tummy tuck thrown in! (And if those extras are of no interest to you, I’ll take ’em!)

    I’m assuming you aren’t talking to me, right? lol.
    wc

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  6. Naughty
    Tell Rodney he has a booger in his nose when he does not. As he digs insist that he missed it.
    Nice
    Finally let him off the hook.
    Naughty
    Re-arrange everything on or in Rodney’s desk.
    Nice
    Agree with Rodney that whoever did that too him had a warped sick mind.
    Naughty
    Buy every one in the office a pen and pencil set for Christmas except Rodney.
    Nice
    Give Rodney a Big Chief notepad and a crayon and apologize for forgetting that there were twelve in the office and not eleven and that you would have gotten him something better but you ran out of money.

    ROTFLMAO
    WC

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  7. Can I add to Squawk’s list?
    Naughty:
    How bout wrap Rodney a big ole box with Christmas wrapping and a bow and inside put a 50cents off coupon for his next trip to Burger King?
    Nice:
    Acutally GIVE Rodney the 50cents instead.

    bah-da-boom! Good one!
    WC

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  8. Depends…..what are WE having?
    I like chicken.

    Well, I don’t know what you’re having but I’m having sirloin pork chops with string beans and salad. I may even make some home made custard for desert.
    WC

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  9. Oh…and will it be very long before we eat? Cause I’m hungry.

    Well, I might have some old chips for you to munch on in the meantime. πŸ˜‰
    WC

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  10. great list, looks like I missed peak hour round here though!
    Kelly
    p.s I prefer naughty, always seems to be so much more fun πŸ™‚

    Oh yes, you missed the girls running crazy around here last night. And the consensus does seem to be naughty preferred over nice. LOL – no surprise there. πŸ˜‰
    WC

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