You know that conventional wisdom says that if you’ve been nice you get rewarded for it (presents) and if you’ve been naughty you don’t (coal in the stocking).
So, I thought I’d give you a few tips on how you can score more Christmas bling or coal, depending on your desires:
Naughty: You pull your little sister’s hair and throw the handful of folicle evidence in the trash then line up three of your friends for alibis during the time of said crime.
Nice: You take said handful of hear (whilst swearing it was an accident) and superglu it back to sister’s head and offer her full access to your collection of baseball caps.
Naughty: You play chicken in the shopping mall parking lot with package-ladened shoppers.
Nice: You give package-ladened shoppers an escort to their cars and they thank you by giving them their parking spot.
Naughty: You cram as many cookies and other goodies from the office Christmas party buffet into your pockets and purse, so you can gorge on them later. And make snide remarks about how the company didn’t provide much of a spread.
Nice: You make sure everyone gets their fill of the goodies (even the geeks) by passing the tray and keeping a close watch for gorgers and stuffers.
Naughty: You tell the boss nasty things about your co-workers so you’ll get a bigger bonus and they will get sacked.
Nice: You talk up your co-workers (even the ones who don’t deserve it) to the boss and tell him they are all deserving of raises.
Naughty: You bitch loud and long about the slow moving lines at the checkout and complain about the incompetence of the Christmas help.
Nice: You let the little old lady cut in line in front of you because she only has a few things compared to your overflowing cart.
Naughty: You re-gift the hideous sweater your Aunt Edna gave you to the loser you drew at the Secret Santa game at work.
Nice: You wear the hideous sweater and thank Aunt Edna profusely for the thoughtfulness of her gift at the family gathering.
Naughty: You heave the snow you’re shoveling from your walk over the fence to the neighbor’s freshly shoveled walk (late at night when no one can see you).
Nice: You send your kid to shovel the elderly neighbor’s walk so they won’t slip and fall.
Naughty: You mutter ‘bah, humbug’ to anyone who chances to wish you a Merry Christmas.
Nice: You wear a Santa hat and wish everyone you encounter a Merry Christmas.
Naughty: You stay up all night so you can prove there is no Santa Claus – then tell your sister that your dad bought her the bike.
Nice: You make sure the little kids don’t go downstairs while dad is putting the bike together and help eat the cookies your little sister left for Santa.
Naughty: You knock down the town Christmas Tree in the square and drag it home for firewood.
Nice: You buy extra ornaments and wrap toys to help decorate the tree and give to the more needy in the community.
Naughty: You ban all Christmas movies from the house and make your spouse go to her friends to watch them.
Nice: You watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” for the bagillionith time with your wife and agree it’s the best Christmas movie ever.
These a just a few of the things you can do to be naughty or nice. Feel free to add to the list.