This is the time of year that we are all supposed to take stock of our lives – at least the most current part of same – and see the errors of our ways, things that can be improved, bad habits that can be shed, reaffirmations of goals forgotten, lost or abandoned. Pretty serious stuff.

I don’t know about you – but I’ve never been very big on New year resolutions. The concept sounds nice in theory – the old clean slate approach. The old year is ending and the new upon us, why not make those changes, improvements, goals in that same spirit? Well logic tells me that if a person wanted to make those changes, lose that 20 pounds, quit smoking, stop dating co-dependent men/women, become more centered, find the peace within themselves, fly to the moon or stop drinking, carousing and/or in any form improve themselves or their lives they’d just do it. I mean cripes, how silly to only give oneself that small window of opportunity to affect a change in their lives.

So, I was thinking that a new trend might be in order. I think at the stroke of midnight in the first minute of the new year we should all sit down and resolve what stupid, idiot, assinine behavior we simply won’t give up. It probably won’t help anything either, but it could be a lot more fun:

On the first minute of the new year of 2007 I resolve:

1. To continue flipping off people who cut me off in traffic. I may add to that a short stint of manical stalking – at least for the next quarter mile.

2. To tell stupid people that they are stupid and they either need to get smart or stop taking up space.

3. To add several more obnoxious patriotic bumper stickers to my car.

4. To spend money I don’t have.

5. To buy frivolous things with the money I don’t have.

6. To find the sourest puss in the grocery store line and to make faces at them til they laugh or leave and get me that much closer to the checkout.

7. To make fun of the Clintons, John Kerry, Jimmy Carter, Imajihad, Lil Kim of Korea, Rosie O’Donnell, Mike Wallace, Maureen Dowd, Brad & Angelina, Rodney the idiot, Al Gore, myself and pretty much anybody I feel like.

8. To squeeze my fat ass into jeans that are too small, whilst taking small, rapid breaths (who knows I could meet someone on the bus).

9. To call AT&T and scream at them for general purposes.

10. To be proud of my big fat ass.

11. To say whatever stupid-ass thing that comes into my head.

12. To refuse to diet.

13. To have more adventures with Zelda and anybody else who has the stomach for it.

14. To pretend I don’t remember what year I was born.

15. To eat ice cream and hot dogs and wave flags on the Fourth of July.

16. To like and admire George W. Bush.

17. To believe that there is a God and no amount of indoctrination will ever change that.

18. To know that most hearts are in the right place but that minds and mouths often aren’t.

19. To have fun even when life sucks.

20. To wear funny socks that so don’t go with my outfit.

21. To not care how I look in the bank television monitor.

22. To watch movies that make me feel good.

23. To write stories that I love.

24. To blog my fricking ass off (hey maybe it will work???)

25. To know that every day is a miracle – even if I have to try very hard to see it.

Those are my resolutions – how’s about you?


6 thoughts on “Resolve

  1. Resolutions are kin to decisions. I avoid both whenever possible. Happy New Year WC!

    J! Happy New Year buddy! And good for you – decisions aren’t all they’re cracked up to be.


  2. Bring on the New Year! I am quite happy ‘never acting my age’ (I actually HAVE one???)…I refuse to give up my silly,girlish=chirlish obession with TH, I refuse to be sad that my children are grown and leaving home.
    I resolve to grow YOUNGER this year!

    All Right! That’s the spirit! Hey – I think I got the new cd – as a gift, I’ll find out later this week. Heyhey.


  3. Well, here I am trying to work, but every time I turn around I’ve found another reason to be doing something else. Feels like I’ve stretched the rubber band as far as it can go and I’m now just flying in the other direction, Sheesh!

    And so I landed at your blog, but of course, and smack dab in the middle of whether “to resolve or not to resolve” for the new year. I like your tactic of deciding what will stay the same. Some things are better left alone, just because you say so if for no other good reason. After all, you have spent years settling in and making things just how you want them. Certain habits are like your favorite old, worn out slippers. You’re just not in the mood to throw them away. They are too comfortable.

    1) I will continue not washing my car every week and just hose it down when it looks like it “might” need it.

    2) Forever young, yes–that still goes. When for some reason I just “have to know” my age, I’m already starting to take the year I was born and subtract it from the current year to figure out how old I’m supposed to be. Then if I feel like it, I just subtract 10 years or however many more I choose for the “accurate” age. When people ask my age I just laugh and tell them I don’t answer questions like that anymore. I’ve actually gotten it down to not knowing what my real age is most of the time.

    3) Lose weight. I don’t need to resolve that because it’s an ongoing resolution, whether I’m acting on it or not. Yes, I would always like to lose weight, and if by some fluke of fairy magic it occurs without my having to do anything to make it happen, all the better. It’s always a work in progress.

    I’m turning into quite a blabbermouth here with my effort to not get back to work. So, let’s call this a wrap for now.

    ~ PG

    LOL PG, glad I could be a distraction for you…I think. 😉

    You know it’s funny, I do that forgetting my age thing too. And I really like your explanation of it – so I think I’ll use that too. Oh and I’m with you on the car washing thing too. Works for me.

    Okay you, now back to work. Hope I see you on NYE.


  4. LOL!! Maybe I have too much leftover Christmas in me still, but I love New Year’s resolutions! I’ll make a bunch of them, achieve a fraction, and inch myself farther forward than I would have been had I not “made the official decision”.

    I like the idea of “resolve not to change” though. It’s an approach I hadn’t thought of! Take those things that I really like about myself and make them even louder. Drown out the things I don’t like. Hmmmm! May have to take a closer look at that! 😉

    Your list doesn’t leave much room for improvement but here are a couple of my own:

    1. Continue to push the buttons of stuffy people everywhere by breaking all the rules and having more fun than them.
    2. Continue to swear, say “excuse my language,” then swear again.

    LOL – swear, say excuse me – swear some more. Sounds good hon. Also, if you follow my philosophy you won’t have to give up those chocolate covered espresso beans. hehe. 😉


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