Since the internet is filled with stupid shit, I thought I’d get in on the act. Hence my favorite stupid shit, and stupid shit that is just stupid:
Favorite stupid saying: You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can’t pick your friend’s nose. (How come?)
Favorite stupid movie: Monty Python’s Holy Grail. I especially love the horses they use and their many special effects.
Favorite stupid food: Artichoke, steamed with mayo for dipping. This is a stupid food because 1) who the hell figured out you could eat it? 2) who the hell figured out how to cook it so you could eat it 3) and how did anybody convince anybody that you should all sit around an artichoke, pulling off leaves, dunking it in mayo and the scrape the meat off the leaves?
Favorite stupid sign:
Favorite stupid car: The original VW Bug. First of all, who wants to drive something called a bug? It conjures visions of motorized cockroaches or something. Then there is the engine in the back. And of course, the ever popular heating system (has anyone ever felt warm on an icy day in a VW Bug?).
Favorite stupid song: Weird Al Yankovich’s “Eat It.” Nuff said.
Favorite stupid website: Stupid.com – yep there really is a website by this name and you can check it out here. In fact, I purchased many stupid Christmas gifts from them this year and they were a hit. Don’t believe me? Ask Michael at Smoke & Mirrors.
Favorite stupid dance: The pony. For those of you who have never heard of this dance or seen it performed, see if you can find some old American Bandstand reruns. It’s worth it and hysterically funny.
Favorite stupid children’s character: Barney the purple Dragon. Not only is he huge and purple but he is butt-ugly. If I were a kid I’d be afraid of that sucker. And also somebody needs to work on the lyrics for his songs.
Favorite stupid tv show: Friends. A bunch of 20-somethings (who are really a lot older than that) have adventures in the big city. They are all struggling, lost, have career and life issues but live in a really cool apartment in the village, dress in all the latest fashions, go to fancy restaurants for dinners and have problems like jellyfish bites, whether or not to kiss Rachel, getting rid of annoying girlfriends and sibling rivalry. Great fun.
Things that are just stupid:
1. Bicyclists can ride on the open road but cars can’t drive on bike paths.
2. Joggers jog to become more fit and healthy but jog along heavily traveled roads – can you say carbon monoxide?
3. People who don’t pay taxes are pissed that they don’t get refunds.
4. Indecivise customers at fast food restaraunts.
5. Diet coke & chocolate cake.
6. Frisking old ladies at airports in case they’re terrorists.
7. Road construction during rush hour.
8. Cheerleaders at pro basketball games – for that money, they don’t need encouragement to cheer – you bet your ass they’re going to.
9. Pocket protectors – you might as well just stick a post-it on your head that says “Geek & Loser.”
10. Stop signs in California (more like avoid the oncoming car, signs).
Okay – that’s about all the stupid shit I can come up with tonight. I’ll let you know if I think of anything else.