Really Stupid Shit


 

Since the internet is filled with stupid shit, I thought I’d get in on the act. Hence my favorite stupid shit, and stupid shit that is just stupid:

Favorite stupid saying: You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can’t pick your friend’s nose. (How come?)

Favorite stupid movie: Monty Python’s Holy Grail. I especially love the horses they use and their many special effects.

Favorite stupid food: Artichoke, steamed with mayo for dipping. This is a stupid food because 1) who the hell figured out you could eat it? 2) who the hell figured out how to cook it so you could eat it 3) and  how did anybody convince anybody that you should all sit around an artichoke, pulling off leaves, dunking it in mayo and the scrape the meat off the leaves?

Favorite stupid sign:

Favorite stupid car: The original VW Bug. First of all, who wants to drive something called a bug? It conjures visions of motorized cockroaches or something. Then there is the engine in the back. And of course, the ever popular heating system (has anyone ever felt warm on an icy day in a VW Bug?).

Favorite stupid song: Weird Al Yankovich’s “Eat It.” Nuff said.

Favorite stupid website: Stupid.com – yep there really is a website by this name and you can check it out here. In fact, I purchased many stupid Christmas gifts from them this year and they were a hit. Don’t believe me? Ask Michael at Smoke & Mirrors.

Favorite stupid dance: The pony. For those of you who have never heard of this dance or seen it performed, see if you can find some old American Bandstand reruns. It’s worth it and hysterically funny.

Favorite stupid children’s character: Barney the purple Dragon. Not only is he huge and purple but he is butt-ugly. If I were a kid I’d be afraid of that sucker. And also somebody needs to work on the lyrics for his songs.

Favorite stupid tv show: Friends. A bunch of 20-somethings (who are really a lot older than that) have adventures in the big city. They are all struggling, lost, have career and life issues but live in a really cool apartment in the village, dress in all the latest fashions, go to fancy restaurants for dinners and have problems like jellyfish bites, whether or not to kiss Rachel, getting rid of annoying girlfriends and sibling rivalry. Great fun.

Things that are just stupid:

1. Bicyclists can ride on the open road but cars can’t drive on bike paths.

2. Joggers jog to become more fit and healthy but jog along heavily traveled roads – can you say carbon monoxide?

3. People who don’t pay taxes are pissed that they don’t get refunds.

4. Indecivise customers at fast food restaraunts.

5. Diet coke & chocolate cake.

6. Frisking old ladies at airports in case they’re terrorists.

7. Road construction during rush hour.

8. Cheerleaders at pro basketball games – for that money, they don’t need encouragement to cheer – you bet your ass they’re going to.

9. Pocket protectors – you might as well just stick a post-it on your head that says “Geek & Loser.”

10. Stop signs in California (more like avoid the oncoming car, signs).

Okay – that’s about all the stupid shit I can come up with tonight. I’ll let you know if I think of anything else.

WC

16 responses

  1. people in front of me at the ATM who don’t know WTF they’re doing. :\

    Yeah, exactly Nuke! I mean, how hard can it be? You put in the card, punch in your number and do your business. I sometimes get the idea that they think a Big Mac comes with the transaction. ;)
    WC

  2. It seems crazy to put in a hyperlink to get to Stupid.com
    I guess some folks would ask what the URL is, huh?
    Sheesh…
    And artichokes? I love em too. Who was the first person to ask, “I wonder if I could eat that?”
    ~m

    Yes dear, these are the things tht boggle the mind and keep me up at night. Sad, ain’t it? ;)
    WC

    PS: did you check out the site? it’s hysterical. and they are out of ‘baby got tail.’

  3. Ahhh, just discovered your blog. The above post was hysterical. I’m reading this at 4 AM because I have to prepare for first day of class (teaching) today, and your blog made me laugh and laugh. Thanks!

    –Marianne

    Hey Marianne, I’m always happy to provide a laugh. It’s a great way to start the day. I just read about your day over at your blog. Seems you and I have similar silly minds. Nice to see you hear, please do come back – there may be more laughs in it for you. ;)
    WC

  4. I Love You ..You Love me were good friends like friends should be with a great big hug and a kiss from me to you won’t you say you love me too…

    Taking a Bow Now

    LOL Ger, for a minute I thought you were serenading me. I see now though that you are offering lyrics for Barney to consider. I’ll let you know if I hear from him. ;)
    WC

  5. Ok why are there braille pads at Drive up ATM’s..
    And if we park in our driveway…why do we drive on the parkway….Stupid?

    Why yes, yes it is!
    WC

  6. UH….not naming any names, but….people who sit with a cig in their mouths while they are reseraching where to buy stop smoking patches.
    WHAAAAA????? I’m THINKING about it ok?

    Baby steps, hon, baby steps. you’ll get there.
    l/y
    WC

  7. I think Gerry just asked the million dollar question. Why ARE there braille pads at Drive up ATMs? I hope for the sake of the rest of us that they never get used!

    Jennifer

    Jennifer, see DT’s response – I think she may be onto something. ;)
    WC

  8. Under of the heading of things that are just stupid:
    People that try to explain why there are braille pads at drive io ATMs.

    LOL Squawky – people do seem to obsess on that item. also, most ATM machines are set up so that you walk up to them these days, aren’t they?
    WC

  9. that fast food places HAVE to put a warning label on coffee cups, that the contents ARE HOT, so that some loser can’t sue them because they were stupid enough to put the cup between their legs while driving……geesh…well at least that one was overturned in court….

    l/y
    FC

    LOL! How about the warning on hair dryers? Do not use in shower You just got to know that some fool did take it in the shower with them. ;)
    WC

  10. My list would include 1. cop shows where cops have palatial pads. Nash Bridges comes to mind. At least Don loves the Allman Brothers, and that overcomes a multitude of sins. 2. Rap “Music” — my definition of music includes melody and harmony, and that precludes Rap from being music in my book. Drum machines almost made the list but since drummers that can keep time are rare, the machines get a pass. 3. Basset hounds — I love ‘em but they aren’t all that bright. 4. College football coaches earning exponentially more than college professors.

    YES! The rich cops who work in the inner city – they always have such great places and clothes and haircuts too. Totally lame. Rap – crap is more like it. Check out Michael’s post at Smoke & Mirrors called “Crap” you’lll love it.

    Dogs are by and large stupid (some exceptions of course) but you have to admit they are cute and fun to be with.
    WC

  11. i have customers call who are completely unprepared and it’s so STUPID so the conv goes like this :

    me: *company name* how can i help you?

    customer: uh, can you hold on a sec?

    me: sure
    *waits anywhere from 10 seconds to 4 minutes

    customer: ok, uh, i’m gonna have to call you back.

    me: um, ok. bye

    the stupidest thing about this is it happens numerous times a day. sheesh!

    other stupid thing for me are: Teletubbies, the B52′s, Britney Spears, the nicknames the media gives celebrity couples (TomKat???)
    people who have their air on 65 degrees and wear sweaters inside, smokers who, after doing something somewhat exerting light up while still catching their breath from the activity, and that diet coke-anything fattening meal thing. we know it’s not cuz diet tastes better assholes so quit it.

    Oh Reggie you are so right – those celeb nicknames are totally retarded. Drives me crazy – and who the heck cares? I’m afraid I was one of those smokers who would like up after exercise and hiking – there’s a reason though – the lungs are all opened up – the better to get a deep drag. Okay, nuff said. ;)
    WC

  12. If progress mean going forward than….congress would mean ?
    Hahaha, old joke – put applicable nonetheless.
    WC

  13. If I may share, some of the stupidest things I’ve seen are…

    -People who base their lives around celebrities. Oh my god! Brad and Angelina went grocery shopping!
    -Those Scion cars. If you could find an uglier vehicle, I’d like to see it.
    -Voluntary amputees.
    -People who shout at football games on television. They obviously can’t hear them, and, since the football players are pros, they know what they’re doing.

    To answer the braille-ATM question (something I have researched extensively), the buttons are in braille so that, hypothetically, the driver of the car can stop in front of the ATM, switch places with a blind passenger, then switch back.

    OK. Where’s my million dollars?

    Hey DT – is the Scion that car that looks like a box on wheels? I think Honda makes it. Sure is ugly as sin. Never heard of voluntary amputees – ouch! I don’t have a million bucks but a million thanks for solving the braille atm mystery. ;)

    BTW, nice to see you here – come back soon and often.
    WC

  14. The scion looks like somebody’s used a model from somebody’s empty shoebox

    Yep that’s the one I thought she meant. It is ugggggggggg-leeeeeeeeee!
    WC

  15. BTW WC the Scion is mad by toyota… Honda makes one called the pilot and it is kind of box like looking too…

    Hmmm…well maybe they just look the same to me. I liked it when cars had style and lines. I’m from the motor city and when I was a kid the big deal around there was October when the new cars came out. We’d all ooh and ahh over the cool and new things that automobile-central had devised. Today – I have to be honest, I see little to no difference between cars and car models. When did copying each other just become the norm?
    WC

  16. And why do you park in a driveway but drive on a parkway.

    Sorry, but Gerry beat you to it on this one. Any other stupid things you can think of? ;)
    WC

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