Would You Put That Spam in a Can?


It used to be that Spam was just a really poor imitation of canned ham. I believe it was developed during World War II when meat was pretty scarce (as were all resources) and people were willing to give mystery meat a try. And heck somebody must have liked it cuz, you know they are still selling it today.

I think I tried it once and that was really enough – sort of like balloons with a bologna-like flavor and a might too much salt – but I have a finnicky palate. Kudos to those who can enjoy a hearty meal of Spam and eggs or Spam samiches or spam-hash. Bless you all.

However, the original Spam is not the topic of this post. Nope…

We are talking about the evil Spam. The type intended to overrun mailboxes, websites and blogs. It is junk mail gone wild. If this stuff was on paper, there would not be one tree left standing on the planet. It can be vicious, gross, mean, annoying and bizarre – but mostly, to me, it is really fucking STUPID! Yeah, stupid. I mean, come on already – do these idiots really think that we think that we just won an Irish Sweepstakes or a UK Super Lotto? Do they not know that we know that one must enter these contests in order to win? Do they really think we are as stupid as they?

They don’t even try to be smart about it. They don’t use demographics or any real marketing tools. It’s just so amazingly stupid it boggles the rational mind. For example, why send viagra ads to females? Sure maybe one or two will want to buy some for their disgusting, decrepit, alcoholic old man – but with all the marital aids on the market these days (many of which can be purchased at Amazon for cripes sake) why bother? And hot nude girl pictures also sent to women – now granted there may be a percentage of women who like that stuff but do you really think you’re hitting your niche market by sending a gajillion links to hot teen sex to a bunch of middle-aged soccer moms who blog on the side? Get real.

Here is a recent list of spam caught on my blog –

MedsMan – he is offering me honey in a lovely nonsensical comment that I supposed was designed to make me so curious I would click on his link and end up on his hideous website.

Stinky – He’s selling sex and cars or maybe it is sex with cars – didn’t really want to follow the link – know what I mean?

JohnB – This one really got me – pictures of Chlamydia AND Hot Mature Babes. Now given that Chlamydia is sexually transmitted disease I can only imagine what the pictures would look like. But really, if I want to see a disease can’t I go to the Discovery Channel or something – with Scientists and lab photos?

752njpgh – Thinks I’m a candidate for viagra.

BadGirl apparently works with Stinky since they hawk the same goods and have the same links.

451yhafft – Kindly offered me amatuer porn – now if I was into porn would I really want to see the amatuer stuff? Couldn’t I do that myself?

Kolia would like to send me some bad nude celebrity photos. Since I’ve seen plenty of bad celebrity photos I’m quite sure I don’t want to see any of them naked.

Kazbert is a GP spammer and is offering directv with a little Disney Channel shopping on the side.

Green simply claims to be a sex teacher – wow they have teachers for that now? I sure hope they don’t get any federal funding for it.

FouFoun – has some cheap airline tickets to Russia. Now I ask you, how many out there want to go to Russia under any circumstance? Cheap tickets or no, I’m gonna pass.

Mr. Carrot works with BadGirl and Stinky – cute names though, eh? Sort of like Porno stuffed animals or something.

Dertaer apparently works with FouFoun to trick people into going to Russia by giving them cheap tickets and lots of black market smokes.

Huss just dropped by to thank me for my site and tell me how much he enjoyed it. Oh sure he did.

Helga Ferg seems to be offering drugs, sex and rock and roll – I’m asking you will the Baby Boomer generation ever get off that anthem? Shouldn’t some of them be dead by now?

Hillary Ferg I’m guessing is Helga’s sisters although she is offering balloon art. Now one could wonder what kind of ‘art’ is on those balloons or maybe just take a pass altogether.

So, there they are folks, the stupid spammers who tried to put stupid spam on my blog and were caught by the spam filter. May they all end up in Spam Hell where they are forced to read their own disgusting crap 24/7 because they are permanently installed in front of a computer screen, have no eyelids and their screams can’t be heard because they are in a hermetically sealed cubicle.


12 thoughts on “Would You Put That Spam in a Can?

  1. Geez, I agree, we must get thousands at work.
    I was just thinking this morning, how do you get rid of them and how do they make any money?
    Bad spam, bad, bad, bad.

    I don’t think it’s possible to get rid of them. It’s sort of like cockroaches, once you got em you never really get rid of them. And I think the way they make money is that there are enough stupid, ignorant and naive people floating around the internet that will click through and buy their crap. Even though they probably never even send anything. One of life’s little headaches I guess.


  2. When I was first married (about a million years ago), there was a recipe in one of my cookbooks for Hawaiian Luncheon Meat. It was essentially a can of Spam dotted with whole cloves and cooked with canned pineapple poured over it (I could probably find the recipe if anyone’s interested lol). Believe it or not. it wasn’t half bad. Scary, huh? 😉

    Ohmigod Debi! My mom used to make that stuff. Was it one of those Proctor and Gamble cookbooks or Pilsbury or something? That is too funny. Did you ever see the recipe for the jello surprise where you mix some of the jello goo with some cream cheese and whip it up as a topping for the jello and then garnish with a pineapple ring? That was a fav of Mom’s when I was a kid. Lovin’ it! You know, Spam in its heyday may not have been too bad but today in its current incarnation between the chemicals, transfats and every frickin thing else I’d be a little scared to try it.

    But roomie is adventurous, I bet he’d eat it. LOL. My little wheels in my brain are turning now.



  3. I guess I just don’t have that good of a blog as no one sends me any spam. Canned or otherwise!


    Oh don’t you worry – soon the spamsters will find you and you will no longer feel left out. Shortly after that though, you’ll be annoyed with all the crap even though Askimet catches most of it – you still have to check it to make sure it isn’t eating your regular readers. Remember when it was after you? That went on for a couple weeks. Anyway, chin up – someday soon, you too willed spamerized! Tada!


  4. Akismit has killed thousands of pieces of spam on my blog. I guess that I will never find a fuckfriend in my local area as these spam messages seem to be the most sent.

    Akismet has killed many of my spams too – but you do get a peek at it before they kill it. Which is good because sometimes I find Askimet in its thirst for spamsters have ensnared some of my regular readers. But I digress…yes, with Askismet around you will be hardput to find a new fuckfriend 😆


  5. UMmmmmmmmmmm Spam me. I like spam, the canned kind that is – there is one store near me that sells one with bacon bits in it…. fry some of that baby up and slap it between some rye bread with some good coarse mustard eeeeeeeeeyoooooowwwwwww.
    I think that will be one the menu for tomorrow
    and at $1.50 a can how can one go wrong?

    Well thanks for the recipe and heads up on tomorrow’s menu. Do let us know how that samich turned out for you. Personally, I’m more of a pastrami on rye with yellow mustard and a big side of pickles, kind of gal. 😉


  6. Hi WC, Thanks so much for your comment! As for the evil, horrible, rottten, terrible, horrible, very VERY bad spam and spamsters, they should rot, after being force-fed they own spam, for a very long time, and then hung over the pits of hell. Meanwhile, I find that having my filter on ‘exclusive’ means that only the people I choose can email me, and strangers get shunted to junk mail forthwith. I check junk mail just in case someone I accept gets acidently shoved in there, and I’ll admit that a few stray spams get through my filter, but mostly it works for me….Very very BAD spamsters!

    Hey Bird! Oh yes,you have the rightest of right attitudes about the evil, rotten, stinky, despicable spam-bones. I don’t think I have the filter options you have on blogger. Bummer! Although in a way it’s entertaining to see how lame-o these jerks are. Makes me giggle to think they think they are getting somewhere.



  7. Most of these spams are sent by ‘bots’ anyway.
    Still a wicked nuisance.
    I had 100+ today.
    Hey, you know anyone looking for a mail order Russian Bride?
    I can definitely hook them up.

    Yeah, I know…you don’t have to spoil the fun though. Besides the bot senders are all ugly, pimply, smelly losers who have nothing better to do than spend hours and hours on the internet and….ooops, that’s starting to sound a lot like ….Anyway, thanks for stopping by. LOL.

    Nope, not Russian babes wanted here – check with Evyl he may know.



  8. ‘bots?’ can you catch that?

    Short of robots, goofball. Yeah internet nerds create little programs that can send bagillions of spams at once – like little robots, hence the nickname ‘bots’ Cute, huh?


  9. Sure, robots, I hear ya. Perhaps I will pull out my biochemical suit just in case.

    Good thinking. Don’t forget the snazzy hat with the clearview in front. 😀


  10. I can’t believe you actually read some of it! My favs are always the penis enlargement ones, which come in handy really cos mine is so small I can never find the damn thing..maybe theres something wrong with me??!

    I don’t actually read it, but really from the links they put in you can tell what it is for. And sometimes a comment does slip through the cracks. I know what you mean about the penis ads. I’m always misplacing mine too. 😉


  11. spam, sausage, hot dogs, all pretty much the same theory, mystery meat (from unmentionable parts of animals) shoved into some form of casing with salt & spices, so really when you think of it, what IS the difference?? Except maybe in the saltiness??


    Hmm, you could have a point here. Maybe people just like a different look? Or shape? 😉


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