Bargain Bitches

I don’t know about you guys but I love to shop. Not just shop but bargain hunt. Consequently, I spend time in not just regular stores in shopping malls but in consignment shops, thrift stores, second hand shops, Goodwill, outlets and so on.

I know that turns a lot of people off. Buying other people’s castoffs- doesn’t necessarily conjure up pleasant pictures. But then again, that’s what dry cleaners and laundramats were made for – you know? For example, there are some things like an Audrey Hepburn Chanel suit that you aren’t going to be able to get anywhere but a vintage shop. If you like vintage or retro clothing you aren’t going to get it at Macy’s. If you want fantastic Italian leather shoes for a fraction of their typical cost you will either have to go to Italy or find an outlet (Gerry Pillar’s out in my neck of the woods) and spend the time going through the stacks to see if you can find that gem.

I suppose it’s really a matter of preference or perspective. Some people think that shopping is a time consuming task that is best gotten through as quickly as possible. I, on the other hand, think of it as ‘the hunt.’ For me, it’s hunting season all year long. And believe me, you better be willing to come with weaponry and ammunition because those other bargain bitches mean business.

Like today, I decided to visit one of my favorite haunts for a couple of things. They didn’t have what I was looking for but I thought I’d hit the racks anyway because I knew I could always use another shirt or blouse. There must be a special shopping pheramone (sp) because I’ve noticed whenever I hit a rack and there is no one around for miles and I’m just flying through, all of a sudden other bb’s show up sniffing around. They position their carts so I can’t get by or they start right ahead of me or right behind me – doing the bargain stalk – hoping to spook me and get me to leave. But I don’t fall for that crap any more. If some bb knocks me with her cart, I knock her right back and act as if it was an act of God. If some bb tries to push ahead of me I stick my fat ass in her path. If another bb tries to reach over me I give her the ‘I’m a gonna kill ye’ look and she backs off.

This is serious business and if you think you can waltz into some bargain establishment and just patty cake your way through it you are sadly mistaken. You must go with a kickass attitude, a grimace on your face and a look that makes people wonder just what kind of weaponry you carry in that bigass purse slung over your shoulder. But I digress….

I went to one of my usual haunts and was flipping through the blouses and some grunting, muttering creature sidled right up next to me. She was special. She had this really spooky, grunty, breathy talk to herself thing she did – which immediately conjured up images of Kujo. I didn’t really want a blouse that bad so I moved to another rack. But in short order she was there again. And again and again. Wherever I went she appeared within moments. It freaked me out a little. Though she wasn’t trying to throw me off my game she was doing it anyway. I grabbed a few things and checked out quick.

It’s the kind of thing that can really ruin your bargain hunt experience. After I got in my car, I sat a while, wondering if she would come out and shed her human suit and reveal that she was a werewolverine or something. But no luck. Still, I may have to work hard to get the breathy grunty mutter outta my head.

WC