I often marvel at what other people think of me. I mean the image they have. Apparently I am some indestructible, always lands on her feet, warrior of perservance and (occasionally) truth. I think to myself ‘if only they knew.’
In fact, I am not that person. Oh sure, I aspire to be that person. I strive to be strong and gutsy emotionallly – independent and cheerful – all the good stuff. But if I were to be honest then I’d have to say that in many ways I’m fragile.
I break easily if you know just the right way to break me. And shatter into millions of pieces. Though you wouldn’t know it to look at me. Because I do my crying behind closed doors. Most of what stresses me out I make jokes out of or do posts about. I poke fun at them and me. In fact, I am the usual target of my own jokes. And everyone generally laughs with me. They think I’m a riot. Some goofy, eccentric oddball who has a very funny perspective on life.
I suppose that’s true in its own way. But I’m still fragile. I still break when I am crashed into a wall. I still bleed when I am cut. I cry when I am hurt. I am not indestructible. I am not the person who is untouched by any and every thing. And I just wish once in a while somebody acted like they knew that. I just wish that once in a while I could be the one leaning on somebody else. I just wish that once it wasn’t my job to cheer up the whole fricking world.
But it isn’t that way and I accept it.
Perhaps in my next life I will get to be the damsel in distress and see what it feels like to have everyone falling all over themselves to make me feel cared for. I wonder what that is like. I really do.
7 thoughts on “Fragile”
I hear ya love, I really do. I’ve already had one reader express surprise at my latest post.
I often remind myself that we only ever see what a blogger wants us to see so I shouldn’t be surprised when vulnerabilities are talked about or hurts unveiled.
As for feeling as though you are cared for, please sit back, close your eyes and pretend that I’m there making you the best damn cuppa you ever drank and that your LEANING on me….cos you can lean this way any damn time you like. Just wish I was closer….
thanks honey, that means a lot.
I know all about the difficulty in ‘wearing the face’.
I realized long ago that truth be told, I am only human. This post is interesting in many ways simply because you’re brave enough to show the world that everyone is vulnerable.
That’s a difficult thing to write about but it lets us move on to what lies ahead, with grace.
You are a person that is touched by many things which is the reason you have the ability and talent to reach out and touch others.
I wish you numerous unexpected smiles this week and I pray the road smooths out.
You’ve been ‘here’ many times before and made it out alive. This time will be no different.
Love the picture, too.
Thanks michael, I know you’ve been there too. It’s just hard to be the one leaned on all the time. But of course you know that too.
You know WC everyone expects the same from me. Yeah I am the prankster, the joker etc. Some time like you said, it gets you through, because there are times when the outside show is not what really goes on inside but your friends are just used to that happy go lucky, bouncy, bubbly you that they can’t get past that. And maybe just maybe we don’t let that happen cause we want to be strong, and not show our emotions.
Since my nephew’s passing I try to be the brave little soldier kind of like the picture embedded in our mind of JFK Jr saluting as his Fathers coffin passed by. While inside my heart breaks every day, not so much for myself but I know I can never ease my Sister’s pain of burying her first born at the young age of 12
I understand about losing your nephew – that must be very difficult. I hope your sister finds strength in your support.
That you are, in fact, fragile is what makes everything you write so alive.
And, that you can still be an indestructible, always lands on her feet, warrior of perservance and (quite often) truth in spite of being so fragile is how you create the impact we all know so well.
So, in reality, we do know you are fragile. Thank God you are.
Lean away girl. For as long as you need. We’re all here.
Private email on the way.
I understand your pain right now…..fragile and helpless just about sums it up for me right now too.
Hang in there, thats about all we can do…ride it out and hope that when we get to the other side of this latest drama, theres some peace,sanity and justification on the flip side.
Bad days have to even out to at least a FEW good days, don’t they?
I’d sure like to think so my friend.
We all have different sides to our personality. I sometimes wonder about my happy smiley persona. At times it comes hard but I generally find myself in a good mood when trying to come up with a happy smiley post. During some of the toughest times in my life that have happened in the past year and a half, I have made it through it by trying to make others smile.
Yep, that is something I do a lot of myself, Fuzz. It works too – most of the time.
Damn I hit submit before I finished my thought. Sorry ’bout that. And remember I am always just a click away when you aren’t feeling happy smiley.
Hugs! Thanks Fuzzy!
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