Before I Kick the Bucket

Ever think about all the stuff you want to do or see or experience before you leave this Earthly existence. It’s a favorite of TV sit-com characters and kind of fun to think about. Below, are a few things that ring my bell.

1. Be serenaded by Eric Clapton – even better if he wrote me my own song but I don’t want to push it.

2. Write and publish a best-selling novel – still, 12 would be better but Mom always told me not to be greedy.

3. Ice skate without falling on my ass every 10 seconds.

4. Critique Simon Cowell on national television.

5. Have a seance wherein I can meet & converse with Hemingway, Twain, Chandler, Heinlein & Ayn Rand. Hopefully, getting some really great ideas for #2.

6. Be a size 8 again. Okay, I admit it, vanity trumps all for me.

7. Grow a 40lb tomato. Naturally, this is a physical impossibility – but there is a certain freak-show appeal to such things. And Miracle Grow will likely be involved.

8. Own a home. Something cute and quaint. A cabin in the sky, a beach shack done in a Monet, abstract kind of way. One with a garden and yard for the pets. A patio where I can write on my laptop while being one with nature. You know?

9. Go for an entire 24-hour period without worrying about anything.

10. Hear Jesse Jackson tell the truth. Talk about headline news.

11. See Ted (Iamawalrus) Kennedy voted out of office in favor of some young, pastey-faced Republican.

12. See the Grand Canyon.

13. Make a movie – preferrably one that people want to see. But just having that director’s chair might be worth the price of admission for me.

14. Outlive Reality TV. Nuff, said.

15. Learn how to tap dance. I’ll admit this isn’t an absolute necessity but something about that happy feet thing really appeals to me.

16. Learn to ride a horse so that he won’t race back to the stables the minute my ass hits the saddle.

17. Say something really profound without following it up with something incredibly stupid.

18. Climb a mountain – a real one, albeit small. Looking good in hiking shorts and boots would be a prerequisite though.

19. Drive a tractor without killing anyone – although playing chicken with a few farmhands might be fun.

20. Feel fearless about anything.

21. Put AT&T out of business, the bastards!

22. Find an Internet provider that doesn’t suck.

23. Discover the cure for Spam.

24. Finish my damned synopsis.

I think that’s a pretty good list for now. What’s on your list?


13 thoughts on “Before I Kick the Bucket

  1. First of all, the picture is an absolute classic.
    I love monkeys.
    Great list.
    I agree on almost all of them except I don’t think I’d want Clapton to serenade me as much as I like him.
    Just too weird for me.
    I especially like #9.
    I am so with you there.
    As far as Cowell goes, interrogating Abdul and Jackson would come first. Over the years of watching various shows, he’s always struck me as the most honest of all the judges. Maybe it’s just me.
    I smile at #24.
    You’re going to get there. I just know it.

    I loved the pic too and that’s the only reason I used it, since it obviously has nothing to do with the post at all.

    Yeah, I can see what you mean about Clapton – but not even Michael McDonald?

    I think #9 may be a universal thing – unfortunately.

    Yeah, I’ll get there….oy.


  2. I did one of these lists a while back, but none as fun as yours. I’d love you join you in that tractor fun!!

    LOL – can you see us in a tractor, each wondering what this little knob does and stripping the gears as we go merrily along? We’d probably be better off letting Zoe drive. πŸ˜‰


  3. Congrats for completing the second step in getting all of above done.

    Print it and hang it where you can see it every day.

    I must have missed something…did I actually accomplish one of these steps? LOL – there goes my evil twin madly at work behind my back. Yes, I should hang it on the wall and force myself to look at it every day.


  4. I want to write a best-selling novel, too! And criticizing Simon Cowell on national television would be nice as well…

    Cool! What kind of novel? What’s the title? Yeah, it would be a blast to get a bunch of us to critique him on national tv – I wonder what he’d do.


  5. Hi WC,

    Good list. Good enough that I have the concept of my list for future posts. I’d do it here, but this will take some time to compile.

    In exchange, I will gladly give you tractor driving lessons if you ever swing by Memphis. I have a John Deer 6200, with an enclosed cab and front loader. It has 12 forward gears and 4 reverse, plus enough levers and switches to rival a space ship. Fortunately, it also has hydraulic steering, so you can turn the wheel with one finger. It’s marvelously great fun to operate, and, even though it has no suspension, is a fairly good ride due to the spring loaded seat. I’ll have you bouncing across the fields in no time.

    the Grit

    Hi Grit,
    I wait with baited breath for your list – it should be a winner. πŸ˜‰

    Ooooh, tractor driving lessons? I may swing by Memphis for that. Although, you’d want to make sure your life insurance is up to date and alll – you know, just in case. πŸ˜†


  6. The pic is amazing! The second one looks like he is saying “Duuurrrr.” Hahahaha =]


    I know…I half expect them to go into a rousing version of Ray Charles’ What I Say.


  7. Can I be in your movie? No, I don’t know if I can actually act or not….but considering this is YOUR version of reality, would it matter?

    Anyways, I think I’ve got a pretty damn good start on the acting bit….after all I’m STILL married and THATS involved alot of bull…uh, ACTING!

    Well of course you can be in my movie – I intend to have all my friends in the movie. You’re a cinch for a groupie casting. πŸ˜‰


  8. i’ve got #9 covered for you, and i guarantee it works.
    go to Jamaica. No matter how hard you try to worry about anything you just can’t. i’m telling you from experience!

    Hey Mon, yah, I like to go to Jah-make-ahhhhhhhhh, mon. I wish, Reggie. πŸ˜†


  9. Kick the Bucket as in Bucket of Chicken LMFHO

    Oh no, Ger – we never kick the KFC bucket – that we eat really fast so we don’t have to share. πŸ˜‰


  10. I want to learn how to dance like MC Hammer. No matter what you say, he’s got some smooth moves.

    I also want to make a movie, but it’ll be one of those avant-garde deals where people try to interpret the film deeply when it was only intended to convey a singular level.

    AFTER I kick the bucket, though, I want to be cremated and spread throughout the land so I can give young children and old people athsma.

    DT, you dancing like MC is a sight I’d like to behold. I wouldn’t laugh or anything.

    I can only imagine your movie – it would be fun to see it.

    Oh no, is there some new study out that shows cremated remains causes asthma? Cripes, you can’t even die in peace anymore. πŸ˜‰


  11. Size 8……*sigh*.
    It’s my dream. The loftiest of my goals. The pinnacle of post-partum womanly virtue: to fit back into the size 8 Chip & Pepper jeans I bought a week before I found out I was preggers. That I still keep. That I will NEVER throw away, all in hope that my nether regions will again feel the love of Chip & Pepper. Or Lucky. I’d take Juicy sweatpants at this point.

    LOL – I still have a secret pair of skinny jeans too. I take them out and admire them every now and then as I’m stuffing my face with Hagen Daas. πŸ˜†

    Juicy sweatpants sounds gooood.



  12. Hi WC,

    My wife has always made sure that I am worth more dead than alive. It’s surprising that I’ve lasted this long.

    the Grit

    Hi Grit,
    Your wife sounds like a very intelligent woman. Please send my regards to Mrs. Grit. πŸ˜‰


  13. OMG. Spending 24 hours without worrying about something. That would be the absolute ultimate.

    Other things I would do:

    Sing at a concert and actually sound GOOD.
    Have the sexiest ass ever.
    Pay off all my debt and never owe anyone ever again.
    Send my kids to college and be able to pay for it so they’re not in debt for years to come.
    Go to culinary school and learn to be a chef.

    Also, I learned how to tap dance. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Actually A LOT of work. But if it rings your bell, I’ll let you borrow my shoes…they’re a size 8.

    Hey Lass,
    Great list – yeah, singing at a concert and sounding good would be tres’ cool. And learning to be a chef would also be fantastic. We should be girlfriends, we could have some fun. Be happy to borrow those shoes – maybe you could give me some lessons? πŸ˜‰


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