Ever think about all the stuff you want to do or see or experience before you leave this Earthly existence. It’s a favorite of TV sit-com characters and kind of fun to think about. Below, are a few things that ring my bell.
1. Be serenaded by Eric Clapton – even better if he wrote me my own song but I don’t want to push it.
2. Write and publish a best-selling novel – still, 12 would be better but Mom always told me not to be greedy.
3. Ice skate without falling on my ass every 10 seconds.
4. Critique Simon Cowell on national television.
5. Have a seance wherein I can meet & converse with Hemingway, Twain, Chandler, Heinlein & Ayn Rand. Hopefully, getting some really great ideas for #2.
6. Be a size 8 again. Okay, I admit it, vanity trumps all for me.
7. Grow a 40lb tomato. Naturally, this is a physical impossibility – but there is a certain freak-show appeal to such things. And Miracle Grow will likely be involved.
8. Own a home. Something cute and quaint. A cabin in the sky, a beach shack done in a Monet, abstract kind of way. One with a garden and yard for the pets. A patio where I can write on my laptop while being one with nature. You know?
9. Go for an entire 24-hour period without worrying about anything.
10. Hear Jesse Jackson tell the truth. Talk about headline news.
11. See Ted (Iamawalrus) Kennedy voted out of office in favor of some young, pastey-faced Republican.
12. See the Grand Canyon.
13. Make a movie – preferrably one that people want to see. But just having that director’s chair might be worth the price of admission for me.
14. Outlive Reality TV. Nuff, said.
15. Learn how to tap dance. I’ll admit this isn’t an absolute necessity but something about that happy feet thing really appeals to me.
16. Learn to ride a horse so that he won’t race back to the stables the minute my ass hits the saddle.
17. Say something really profound without following it up with something incredibly stupid.
18. Climb a mountain – a real one, albeit small. Looking good in hiking shorts and boots would be a prerequisite though.
19. Drive a tractor without killing anyone – although playing chicken with a few farmhands might be fun.
20. Feel fearless about anything.
21. Put AT&T out of business, the bastards!
22. Find an Internet provider that doesn’t suck.
23. Discover the cure for Spam.
24. Finish my damned synopsis.
I think that’s a pretty good list for now. What’s on your list?