Accident Waiting to Happen?

 

Have you ever known someone who is an accident waiting to happen? My dad  used to say that about my younger sister – albeit affectionately and really joking. But seriously, what about the person, friend, family member, boss, co-worker or neighbor who is always surrounded by controversey, trouble, woes, betrayals and sadness? What’s their story?

I used to think that most people I encountered like this were just drama queens. You know, they craved attention and did much to generate all the noise and sputter themselves? Of course, I’d just dismiss them as a bother. And sometimes it’s true – some people really are drama queens.

Then there are the others. People who are good and kind – who care about others and perhaps even dedicate themselves to helping others – yet, they can’t catch a break. What about them? What karma, pay-back or ugly twist of fate is at play there?

Is it just the luck of the draw? Fate? Reincarnational going around and coming around? Or is it something more sinister and palpable?

Is it someone back there in the shadows pulling the strings like an evil puppet master? Some apparent, well-meaning friend or family member doing things ‘for their own good’ or to ‘help them’?

I think you have to wonder about these things.

For example, I have thought about the Columbine killers (recent events brought it to mind). They were just kids. Certainly it’s possible that they were just born evil – I believe some people are, but were they? Or were they just eaten at day in and day out by a ‘friend’ or relative who claimed to have their best interest at heart. I’m not talking about the bullying excuse. We all get bullied. We all get teased. We all had miserable existences through high school and adolescense. And at least in those cases, we have the potential to fight back. We can employ others to help us, we may not, but we have the potential.

I’m talking about the kind of person in our lives that we can’t fight back against. The one who holds some sway over our lives and maybe even our existence. The ones who make you feel trapped and about whom you can do little or nothing, save moving to the opposite end of the world to escape their reach. Did these boys have such a person in their lives? Why were such young children on chemical re-arranging drugs? I remember my teen years and though, like most of us, I was pretty miserable, there wasn’t anything for which I needed to take mood controlling drugs. (And please, I’m not talking about mental disease here, I’m not discussing clinical depression or situations of that nature). You have to wonder – why were these children drugged and why are so many children drugged today?

Is it really an emotional issue or are they being oppressed by the very people who claim to love and protect them? You have to wonder if these kids or any other person so distraught actually got away from their oppressors if they wouldn’t return to their normal selves. Don’t you?

I’ve had some people in my life who have driven me nuts. Some were just annoying but others weren’t so easy to shrug off or get rid of either. Some were a fixed part of my life and I turned into a different person around them. I became a whimpering, whiney, frightened victim in their presence. One friend in particular made my life miserable for years. I just couldn’t figure out what I’d done to offend her so much. Why I displeased her so much. And found myself in a constant state of trying to make up whatever damage I had done. Have you ever tried to make up for something you didn’t know you did? Ever tried to make right a wrong you never committed? It’s hell and I don’t recommend it.

During the time I was friends with this person, I had three car accidents, stopped writing, was in a perpetual state of tears and was convinced I was just bad to the bone.

I don’t’ remember what the final straw was, only that there was one. That one day I realized that this person  had her own agenda and I had nothing to do with whatever demons she was battling. I was simply an actor in her play. After that, it was easy to walk away. It was easy to let go of the baggage that wasn’t mine. It was easy to be me again. But it was years in the making. Years that were wasted on needless suffering and confusion.

So, if you’re feeling like me – and can’t figure out what’s so bad about you, maybe you too have a friend like her. Or a boss, or teacher or co-worker. My advice: walk away. As fast and as soon as  you can. You’ll find that you really are still there.

WC

14 thoughts on “Accident Waiting to Happen?

  1. I habe known a couple of accidents waiting to happen WC.. And you also know accidents cause people 😉

    Yep, Ger – it’s true. 😉
    WC

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  2. I never had a problem making friends, ever. UNTIL, after I was a stay-at-home mom for 12 years and I re-entered the workforce. OMG, I’ve been fucked over more times than I can tell you. (okay 4 to be exact). One was constantly calling me telling me about her latest disaster (they were big disasters, not the “I chipped a nail” kind) and I fell for it, I felt for her. I was thinking “Man, how does she survive it all? Poor thing!” I felt like I was working overtime giving her advice and trying to help her out anyway I could. But the drama never slowed down. She’d even call between 9am-10am (that’s Oprah time for me and I generally do not answer the phone) — Slowly, she began stirring trouble up at work. I get along with EVERYONE and I really didn’t want to get involved. One day, I had just had it. I realized this bitch was taking away precious time from my 3 kids and husband. It occurred to me that some people just NEED that drama in order to tick. Then there was the girl I thought was so cool – she was so nice, generous, and friendly. I thought “How’d I ever get so lucky to have such a great, hardworking, smart, friend?” After about 2 months some red flags started to come out. She’d sit by me at work and wisper about everyone! She literally HATED everyone and thought that nobody could do the job as perfectly as she could. I remember thinking, “But she seemed so normal” at first. WTF? This time, I actually wised up and learned from my past mistakes. This “perfect ideal friend” said something RUDE, inconsiderate, and nasty to another co-worker at work and then tried to be the victim to me. I said to her, “I wasn’t involved and IF you are going to make comments OUTLOUD infront of the whole department you better be ready to face the concequences”. SHE DID NOT WANT TO HEAR THAT!
    I’m sorry to say this, but, I no longer welcome new-comers with open arms. They have to prove themselves to me. And, when I see a RED FLAG raised, it wont be ignored because it’s usually just a sign of something far worse. I’ve even burned a few family bridges (2 sisters from hell) and am much more at peace. I am now surrounded by genuine friends – I think that I feel like a bad person and I wonder what it’s all about? But it’s not because I hang out with someone who is trying to control me. I am that bad friend to myself, telling myself I’m unworthy, ugly, lazy, fat, etc. I’m the bad friend and I’m trying to be nicer to myself. Sometimes, I wish I could walk away from myself – that’s not possible – so, I’m just going to try to be a better friend to myself. As far as Columbine boys, I could think of it for hours and not come up with a single theory. It breaks my heart! GREAT POST, as usual!

    Hey Bella,
    Thanks for your honest and thoughtful comments. Yes, I’ve encountered these types too. The ones who seem so fantastic at first or the ones who are like stray puppies you just must help. Then the next thing you know you feel like crap and they are sucking the life out of you. Good for you for fighting back, sometimes you have to.

    As to being a bad friend to yourself – I think we all have self-doubts and worries but I wonder if we aren’t really saying back to ourselves what others have laid on us at some point in our lives. Don’t get me wrong, if you have bad behavior and do something that you shouldn’t you should chastise yourself and take responsibility – but I believe most of us are good at heart and have good intentions, so what’s not to love?

    You’re a doll.

    WC

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  3. Two things:

    First off, what’s the picture from? I recognise that…although only as it being a part of another image….perhaps a cover to a book I read a million years ago or something. Strange how it struck me, though I might be imagining.

    Secondly, I remember reading recently that the Virginia Tech guy and another killer (who was caught and arrested a year or two back) were at the same school at the same time. I don’t really like speculating too much, but you wonder if there was some strange disabling force in their lives, some connection of someone or something that put on too much pressure or something. Little things can have such huge effect sometimes……I don’t know.
    Anyway, just thought of that and thought I’d share.

    Hey Al,
    You know, I don’t know the source of the pic, I got it from Google images a while back and saved it to my photobucket account. Sometimes, I troll for pics long before I ever use them. I may try to see if I can get the source for you.

    Your theory is an interesting one – and I might tend to agree with you if it were a smaller school, but my understanding was that it was quite a large college and had thousands of students. That being the case, it could just be coincidence. I dunno. But it does seem like minds attract…so maybe there is some tie in that way?
    WC

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  4. I have been told by several close friends that I am full of bad luck. Wherever I go, bad things just happen to me. I’m like an attraction for accidents or misfortune. All the same– I think I consider myself lucky, or at least balanced. For all that I’ve been through in just twenty-three years, I figure I’m lucky to survive. Mostly, just really blessed.

    Life is interesting. As far as the people that go about doing things that hurt other people– it’s interesting to consider what things in their life drove them to such horrible acts. I still very much believe that, no matter our circumstance, we have a choice. It makes me sad that someone’s life is so wretched and crazy that they feel they have to make a choice to injure or kill another person.

    Anyway. I’m rambling.

    Well darlin’,
    You certainly have had more than your share of tough breaks – but it seems only to prove your strength of spirit and true guts. I salute you.

    Yes, I believe choice is almost always there (extreme situations notwithstanding) – just as all abused children don’t go on to abuse their own children or lash out and all accident victims don’t go out and run other people over, it seems to be a matter of character. I believe the problem is that reasonable people try to find reason where there is none. They seek to rationalize acts they could never commit, there’s that basic goodness I believe exists in most hearts. But there are the nasties and they do give the rest of us a hell of a ride most of the time and without cause.

    And you never ramble dear, you made perfect sense.
    WC

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  5. you know, everyone goes through something in their lives, most of us just deal, but i think it depends on a lot of factors (like you were saying) “like” how strong the person it’s happening too is….what kind of “support system” that person has….if they don’t have support at home, do they have a good friend? And mostly (in my opinion) there are a LOT of parents out there who believe that children can raise themselves, and never do anything to correct a misbehavior….LOVE those people….yep…..unfortunately we will never truly know in a lot of those cases what the real factors are, but i think it all starts with the home and sort of moves outward…..just my opinion…

    l/y
    FC

    Hey Sweets!
    I think you make a very good point.There is less care given to children today by many parents – and there is a sense of entitlement that kids seem to have these days. I think part of it is that we’ve gone from a largely industrialized society to a high tech society, where all modern conveniences under the sun are there as a matter of course and that thinking and the use of high tech tools is the work of the day, rather than physical labor, etc. Still, the work ethic in many ways, seems to be lacking today. It can’t be good.

    And I agree, it does seem to start from the home and work its way outward. Home and family are the base for character and integrity, etc. if it’s not there then the kid is off to a bad start.
    l/y
    WC

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  6. I think that’s great advice. You hit upon several complicated issues…don’t have time to comment more right now.

    Thanks, Lolly,
    Feel free to come back and say more if you like. I always love to get other people’s takes on things.
    WC

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  7. I wish I had the several hours I would need to leave a comment that fully covers exactly how I feel about this subject.

    Again, you have a knack for taking a subject that could go on for volumes and saying it so concisely and in such a way that the message bypasses the “throw up a brick wall and stop listening” mechanisms and communicates the point.

    You give excellent advice here. Everyone out there could benefit from taking a listen.

    Oh KToo, you’re so good for my ego. 😉 How easy would it be if we all just turned mud brown whenever we were being bad and dishonest or using people – then you could separate the good guys from the bad guys. Unfortunately, it takes a constant awareness and then believing in that awareness, yes?
    WC

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  8. Hi WC,

    While I’ve known some people who were carrying around a massive amount of bad karma, the closest I known to an accident waiting to happen was a friend I had for a couple of years starting in 5th grade. Besides being allergic to absolutely everything, during the two years we lived next door to each other, he broke three bones, was in the hospital for at least a month, had well over a hundred stitches, and minor injuries far too numerous to remember. During that time he never went a day without at least one wound requiring a bandage. However, no mater what the universe inflicted him with, he was always cheerful and ready to get in more trouble.

    the Grit

    Hi Grit,
    Well maybe in the case of your friend he was simply a little too adventurous for his small body. The rough and ready types often get their bodies banged up pretty badly throughout their lives and laugh all the while.

    WC

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  9. There are several interesting points brought up in what you write as well as the comments that have followed.

    A thing that bothers me is how so many children today are raised with a sense of entitlement. A lot of parents of my generation have handed their children everything and those children can’t seem to deal when things don’t go their way. Also, children are treated like little adults. The natural exuberance of young people is being snuffed with medication. They are not being guided as much as they are pressured to fit into certain criteria. Why wouldn’t they crack?

    Girl, i could go on and on, but i won’t. You said it perfectly already.

    Hey Christine,
    You make some great points – especially about the meds. What is it about children today that require heavy medications for behavior? Is it really their behavior or that adults simply don’t want to deal with their children and expect that instant pill remedy for everything? It boggles the mind. I realize of course, there are children who do require medical care and medication because of specific problems but it seems to go so far beyond the pale in general that I don’t have any real explanation for it.

    I think too, we have gone from a practical society – being able to do things physically, grow things, fix things, work with our hands as well as our minds to a significant society, meaning there is a whole lot more thinking (computing may be a more accurate description) going on but without the common sense and work ethic there. I think it makes for a potentially explosive situation – especially if you throw meds into the mix. Something to think about to be sure.

    WC

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  10. “That one day I realized that this person had her own agenda and I had nothing to do with whatever demons she was battling. I was simply an actor in her play. After that, it was easy to walk away. It was easy to let go of the baggage that wasn’t mine. It was easy to be me again. But it was years in the making.”

    I could not agree more with this. I feel that once a person has realized what a negative influence ONE person is in their lives, it makes it so much easier to walk away from all of the other negative influences.

    Hey Catchy!
    I think it definitely enables a person to be more aware of it next time around – though still, there are often elements that make it difficult to walk away. But of course, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t.
    WC

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  11. speaking of medicated children….here’s a scary scenario….in a LOT of Michigan schools (the schools) will require the kid to be on ADD medication if they are “acting up” regardless of the parents wishes, they must comply or the children will be kicked out of school…….something to think about.

    l/y
    FC

    That is some scary shit. I’m so thankful I don’t have children, otherwise this sort of thing would make me nuts.
    l/y
    WC

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  12. Hi WC,

    Actually, he was sort of a timid person. He was also just destined to be constantly involved in one personal injury after another. It was really weird, which is why I still remember him and his constant accidents after all these years.

    the Grit

    Hi Grit,
    Really? I was so wrong about him then, eh? Poor kid, must have had someone in his life making him powerful nervous I suspect.
    WC

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