Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid


Like any good paranoid, there are many things that whig me out, make me suspicious and upset me. Naturally, little of it has anything to do with reality – just an over-active imagination.

But there are some things that really do scare me. Like:

  • The noises I only hear when I’m at home alone, at night when the wind is blowing or it’s raining or there is a power outage. I never, ever, ever, ever hear these noises when there is anyone (other than my dog) with me. And no matter what the sound sounds like, I’m convinced it’s someone trying to break in.
  • Getting any kind of terminal disease. In fact, I can’t watch those disease of the week movies anymore because I am simply too suggestible. Heck, I went to dinner with Zelda the other night and she wasn’t feeling so great, so I got sick to my stomach too, lest I be left out.
  • Being eaten by a shark and/or drowning in the ocean. I never really learned how to swim. I can tread water and swim on my back sort of…but diving off the side of a boat or dock or pool and swimming with my face actually in the water? On purpose? No way! And the ocean is just way too big anyway. When I first came out to California from the Midwest (where they don’t have oceans) one of the first things we did was go to the ocean. It was beautiful, dark, swirling, deep, deep blue and oh so appealing on a hot summer day. I saw these other people wading out and sort of riding the waves as they came in – like a little hop and then the wave caught you and you floated for a second. Weeeee! What fun. So, I was out there too. Riding the waves and thinking ‘look at me, look at me, I’m not afraid.’ I turned toward the shore and saw my boyfriend waving to me and pointing and I waved back, happy as a clam. He kept waving and waving. Weird. Then when I turned away from him and toward the ocean there was a wave about 15 feet high staring me in the face. I shrieked and then it grabbed me and tumbled me (luckily) all the way to the shore. I was spitting sand and seaweed for hours afterwards. That was the last time I went into the ocean.
  • Eating insects. When I was in high school, a classmate offered me a chocolate, which I took happily and popped into my mouth. When I bit down on it there was a crunch and a horrible taste. My classmate was rolling as he watched me have to swallow the chocolate covered bumble bee, because if I screamed the teacher would have sent me to the principle’s office. Damn him!
  • Mystery noises from my car. It doesn’t matter what kind of car or what kind of noise. To me, any noise that comes from a car is a bad thing. Mostly because I don’t know what they mean. And what’s worse when I try to explain it to the mechanic I can’t find the right adjectives to describe it. Once they discover the problem (if there is one) their description is so far afield of what I would have called it, that it makes me wonder if English really is my first language.
  • Being without computer access. If I am cut off from my computer and/or the Internet for more than a couple of hours I start to panic. Sweat beads on my upper lip and I begin to feel like a drug addict going through withdrawal. I get pissed beyond belief and have the urge to track down Bill Gates to give him a piece of my mind. I am seriously addicted people. Scary.
  • Any food that smells funny. It doesn’t matter where it comes from, a grocery store, a fast food place, a fancy eatery, my Aunt Emma – if it smells funny, even slightly…it’s in the trash.
  • Having no ideas. This has happened to me on occasion, I simply have not one idea in my head. I can’t think of a story, poem, editorial comment, rant or anything. Nuthin’! I immediately start to think that this is the end – I will never write again. I have used up all the creative juices God gave me and apparently squandered them because I’m still not rich and famous and now it’s all over. The thrill is gone. No more magic. I’m officially ordinary. I must do copious amounts of shopping during these periods.

So there you have it, my biggest fears. What are yours?


26 thoughts on “Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid

  1. Bees. I really hate bees.
    You should see me mowing my lawn in the summer. From a distance I look like I’m suffering some weird kind of epileptic seizure.
    No doubt it makes my girls laugh.
    Cheap entertainment.
    The other thing that has a tendency to freak me out is when the phone rings at 3AM. Even if it’s a wrong number, hey, I’m up now.

    Wow Mikey, that sounds like a youtube vid in the making – the obvious soundtrack of course would be ‘dance of the bumblebee’ 😆


  2. I am right there with anonymum. Spiders aren’t really good friends of mine, my hubby still uses those freak out stories as entertainment for guests. I am convinced that there’s an evil spider force that just sits around and plans attacks on my person (do I sense a bit of drama queen?). The few (mostly) men that have pulled a spider joke on me have regretted it bitterly, as my hysteric crying outburst isn’t funny but plain scary.
    I am better now, but not healed. As part of North American education I was told I had to see “Charlotte’s web” and although I shed a tear at the end, well, I had goose bumps throughout the entire movie.

    Oh my, you really are afraid of them little buggers, eh? I’m a little surprised since you’re such a nature/garden type person. Spiders aren’t my favorite, but they definitely have a place in the eco-sytem – friends of the garden, as are bees, hornets and butterflies.

    As to Charlotte’s Web, I never really got that story. 😉


  3. -Falling backwards. i don’t know why but it’s like a phobia.
    -New people. Believe it or not, i am shy. i am also terribly self-conscious OCD stylee.
    -Typos. Mine.
    -Drowning. i am terribly fearful of possibly drowning. To hear about a drowning is debilitating.
    -God. For obvious reasons the biggest of which is thinking of Him i realize that i control nothing.
    -Forever. When i think of forever, my mind goes into emergency shut-down mode. It boggles!

    Falling backwards is one that’s new to me. I doubt I’d enjoy falling backwards, but I’ve never really thought about it at all. Maybe it was some deeply hidden childhood memory that phobatized you? Forever is rather intimidating, isn’t it?


  4. I don’t blame you for not going back into the ocean. That would have been rather traumatic. I have to admit, though, that I enjoy snorkling– so long as I can see what is around me and below me. I only hated it when I had to swim over a drop-off– pitch blackness below me. That freaked me out.

    Now see, snorkling sounds so nice and sunshiney and colorful – and always looks really nice when you watch the documentaries – but it’s those pitch black dropoffs that scare the bageebers outta me. 😉


  5. Hi WC,
    If you really want to know:
    1. Doesn’t bother me at all. We have two pit bulls and a doberman mix. My main task should anyone be so foolish as to break in, is to try and keep the dogs from killing them, while attempting to keep the blood off of any expensive furniture.
    2. No longer my phobia. I get far too many minor injuries while farming to sweat the big stuff.
    3. Not a problem. Just the cursory survey I made of marine biology in high school was enough to inform me that even being near the ocean is a threat to one’s life, let alone actually stepping into the water.
    4. No problem. Since I managed to hit something in the field and rip the muffler off the truck, minor noises have no chance of being heard, much like the radio.
    5. On this one, I can feel your pain. Scary stuff.
    6. I have almost no sense of smell, so this is not a problem, although it probably should be.
    7. Not a problem yet. However, now that you have brought it up, it probably will be. Thanks.
    8. The things you didn’t mention: spiders and snakes. I won’t go into details but, when encountered without warning, these must be on the list.
    9. Meeting people who’s names you don’t remember. I’m sorry as I can be on this one, but, while I remember people’s faces after one glance, it takes me 20 or more times of being reminded to remember their names. Which, is why I have been lobbying my elected representatives for years to pass legislation requiring everyone to wear a name tag when in public.
    the Grit

    Hi Grit,
    I have a little dog who is very noisey if anyone is nosing around – and she’s even been known to scare some people, believe it or not. I’m with you, do not step into the ocean. I never thought of hitting something in a field – but it would be a bummer if I couldn’t hear the radio, though. On #7, sorry but you’re welcome. 😉 You’re right, I did forget spiders and snakes sort of – I have mixed reviews of them, some good some not. Oh I have the same problem sometimes with names – not always, but when I do, it is painful it’s so embarrassing. I just mumble and make jokes about burning too many brain cells during my youth. 😉


  6. I have weeks where I am afraid of everything, just waiting for that something awful to come about. Then I think I need to quit thinking things like that before they come true. I find that I too avoid certain tv shows, movies, etc. where people come in and kill or rape people in their homes and stuff like that. I can’t deal with it. another good one, I can’t imagine you not having ideas. I really can’t.

    Oh believe me, I fail to come up with ideas on a regular basis. The only good thing is that something in the gray matter eventually pops and then I can find some more. Yep, been there, done that with the days that everything seems like something to be afraid of – best cure is romantic comedies from the 1940’s – highly recommend them.


  7. I am very leery of gravity. I don’t trust it. I mean it holds absolutely everything together. Even the solar system, universe, etc. Things we don’t even know about, it is the glue. What if one day gravity decided that it was tired and quit working? What would happen? Oh, I can’t think of it. It still blows my mind how when we drive straight up that we don’t fall off the earth. I’m going to spare you the rest.

    Interesting – I wonder if Christine’s fear of falling backwards is a gravity thing too. I never even thought of gravity as something to fear. Though it is really weird when you’re going up a steep hill and you don’t fall over, but I rather enjoy it in a twisted way – must be why I love the roller coasters. 😉


  8. Haha, dude. You read my mind on a few of these. Noises when you are home alone? Auughghhh!!! I used to lock m door and grab a sharp and heavy object and sit there as quietly as I could when I was little. And being eaten by sharks? Along those same lines, I had to rescue a ball from the middle of my lake last week and I kept envisioning the alligator form Lake Placid popping up from under me and eating out my stomach.

    Oh yeah, when I lived in Florida, all the natives were constantly talking about how there were gators everywhere in all bodies of water and not to let your pet near any body of water, even ponds. Cripes, I always looked twice before I put my fanny down on the toilet. 😉


  9. i have alot of the same fears as you, the bugs, the noises at night i’m also very afraid of
    being lost
    being stranded
    plane crashing over water
    fire (horribly afraid of fire)
    stray dogs (cuz i was bit as a kid)

    Oh my god, how could I have forgotten these? I must have been in a really non-paranoid mood when I wrote this. Note to self: when discussing your phobias be sufficiently stressed while doing so. 🙂


  10. I shop too when I don’t feel creative. In fact, I did it today. 😉

    Oooooh, I’m always up for shopping! 🙂 What did you buy? Something cute and summery? Nice sandals, a little strappy dress, some fun surfer shorts? A beach bag, gumballs, bubbles? I love shopping. Does it show?


  11. The void ate my last comment. Twice. Luckily after the first time I had the sense to copy it. It disappeared when my stupid connection died. I hate wireless.
    Mine: they used to be many, but have whittled down over the years to a few.
    1. Worms. I know. Asinine. I cannot help it; they make me vomit and run screaming in the other direction.
    2. Fire. I can’t get over it.
    3. Being homeless. Probably because I’ve almost been there before.
    4. Somthing happening to my children. I do not think I could survive it.
    Those are mine.

    Oh-oh, there goes Big Syd again (have I ever told you the story of Big Syd? Well, Big Syd is a fictional maniac who randomly consumes, comments, posts, emails, picture files and cuts IM connections at will) – I know it’s Big Syd because my spamometer is registering empty. Is it me or is everyone being spammed with the drug bots today? Anyway, I digress…

    I used to be so grossed out by worms. Gave me the creeps. They still do kind of but since I’m such a gardening nut I have learned to live with them – they do good things to the soil so the veggies will grow. Gotta love that, right?

    Fire is okay at a distance, up close, too scary for words.

    Being homeless, yeah I’ve had a few close calls in my life too – that is a very icky thought.

    I think the last one is universal, anyone who has children would feel that way – it only makes sense.



  12. Psh. I have no fears.
    Dogs and needles, but those are the only two things, okay?

    Otay…it will be our secret…sssshhhhhh 😆

    PS: I’m having trouble downloading you site – it just goes poof at will. Not always but often. Is it me or did you do something that makes my meager browswer unable to view? 😦


  13. Psh! hehehah! Mister is deadly afraid of noises in the house. Everything that makes a noise, he’s like “what was that?!” I heard it! What was that?!?!?!?!?!?!”
    Me: Dear, it was the ice machine. And 9 times outta 10, it’s the ice machine! But it’s funny as hell to watch this big burly man scared of simple noises when really it’s just ice.
    Me? I’m afraid of heights. I can’t even climb ladders. Bridges frighten me, especially when we’re stopped in a car on one. And it begins to sway. Yikes! Scary. Pee in my pants a little with that one. hahahah..
    im afraid of fireworks. Not the ones you see from far off, the big ones. no, not those. I mean the ones you buy off the side of the road, the roman candles and such, even the sparklers. dont like em, nope, not for me.
    I dont like spiders, bugs, snakes, or ants in large quantities. ewww, nope.
    And Im deathy afraid of eating beans. they taste gross. the feel gross. and people constantly try to get me to eat them, and they think they’re being sneaky and putting them in my food, but i always know when they’ve done it. Bastids!

    I know – isn’t it a hoot when the menfolk get all girlie scared about stuff? Kind of makes up for all the stuff they make fun of us about, huh? Poor Mr…he’d hate living here, there are so many noises of questionable origin around here, he’d be peeing his tidy whiteys regularly.

    Heights never bothered me much – I’ve always liked to climb stuff, trees, houses, ladders, mountains – I like the thrill. Once we even hiked up to the Hollywood sign. Now it doesn’t look like much of a hike when you’re at the bottom of the hill but man, it really is – took us 3 hours to get up there.

    Swarming bugs of any kind, even butterflies can be a little bizarre – but if they bite or have stingers youch!

    Beans? Beans???? Really? They’re not my favorite but they don’t scare me. Do you mean all beans – even green beans?

    I’m afraid of okra though – so I do have one veggie-phobia. 😉


  14. Okay, I do like green beans. But not the ones with the brown beans inside. My father in law grows green beans, and I cant eat his because they have the brown beans inside, and during the cooking process, the brown ones come out and haunt me and I can’t eat them. *sigh* i know, weird. but true.
    oh, and I loves some ocra!

    Since you’re now a southern gal, I would guess you do love you some okra. To me, it is the most alien looking veggie I’ve ever seen and I just can’t go near the smell much less eat it.

    I don’t know what kind of beans those are that you’re describing. I meant string beans – they don’t have anything brown inside them – they’re green and a little crunchy. Maybe your father-in-law grows beans that come in a green pod or something. Hmmm…can you hear the theme to the body snatchers now? 😆


  15. Drowning, even though I swim very well. Actually, being caught in a flood and watching my children be swept away. It was a recurring nightmare that I used to have. Also, dying in a car wreck. Another recurring nightmare. Hmm. Fear of dying, fear of losing control. Little crazy perhaps?

    Nah, not crazy at all. People fear those things I think generally as a rule – and of course all the disaster movies and television shows help to reinforce the images. You know, I just realized no one has said that they’re afraid of earthquakes. Interesting.


  16. I am afraid that my husband will die on us. He drives a truck and people drive like SHIT so I worry that he’ll get in an accident. He’s one of those people that is “just too good to be true” so I keep thinking he’ll be taken away from me 😦
    I am terrified by sharks. Just the thought of being bitten into with razor sharp teeth, bleeding into the water; which of course would attract more sharks… thus a feeding frenzy would ensue. Sea life is one of my greatest all time fears. Thank goodness I live near Lake Michigan – it looks like the ocean but you don’t have to worry about getting devoured by some creature! Don’t get me wrong, aquatic life is so captivating; I can watch endless Discovery Channel shows about it – but you couldn’t pay me to set one precious little toedie in there. Also, afraid of horses. I love to look at them and am in awe of their beauty, but I like to watch them from behind the fence 🙂

    You know, the movie Jaws did much to keep people out of the ocean and I’m one of them. 🙂

    Horses? Really? They’re gorgeous animals and for me, there is something about them, like dolphins, they seem to really connect with humans. Although riding a horse is another matter. 😆


  17. Red’s Comment about not liking spiders and snakes reminds me of that song………

    Me too – I don’t like spiders and snakes but if…. 😉


  18. What browser do you have? I’m really not sure about the problem, and you’re not the first to experience it.

    Currently, I’m stuck using IE – I want to get firefox but I need more memory and you know, shit happens.


  19. Hi WC,
    What can I say except that, if I wasn’t happily married…
    the Grit

    Otay, there goes that burned out brain cell phenom for me again. I must have lost the thread of your train of thought, cuz that train left the station without me. 😆


  20. Reds comment including spiders and snakes reminds me of the Jim Stafford song back in the “70’s” 😉

    A-yup. 😉


  21. Middle heights. I’m great with BIG heights, but get me half way to anything? I’m cactus…
    And cockroaches in my bed…..
    And coffee being banned.
    p.s Finally made it over here! Was going to comment on your idol post, but I never watched it so I would have just been making shit up 🙂

    Oh yeah, once you’ve comitted to the climb or the tightrope, you never, ever, ever, look down. Cockroaches in your bed? I can’t even respond to that without hyperventillating.

    It would have been okay for you to comment on the American Idol post – since I make up shit all the time. 😆


  22. As you may know I’m not afraid of very much. Drowning…not so bad really, once the choking stops. Buried alive… almost been there, but lived. Eaten alive by wild animals… OK, haven’t had that happen yet, but I’ve probably come close, and tho the thought made me a little squeamish, I wasn’t particularly afraid. Cars, nope. Weird sounds while home alone, nope (although some of the ones I emit in general are mildly disconcerting and for that I apologise to my friends). Fire… well, you know I’ve been close on that one too. Yet, not afraid.
    I did think of one thing. My cooking. I am VERY afraid of my own cooking. And rice. I wasn’t afraid of rice not so long ago, but find it gives me the willys now.
    I probably SHOULD be very afraid of a great many things, and my life might be the better for it if I were. I should get an MRI and look into what the heck is wrong with me. Maybe I’ll do that after I climb up the ladder to the roof and trim those darn overhanging tree branches.

    Z! As I live and breathe, you finally dropped by. Be still my heart. 😆

    Yes, you aren’t the only one afraid of your cooking – could be why all your friends conspire to do the cooking during any gatherings at the ol’ ranch house. An MRI would be a good idea, although you’d probably forget why you decided to get it once it was over and they were handing you the film.

    Rice? I’ve come to regard it with some suspicion myself too – stir, add more water, turn it off. A day that will go down in Z history to be sure. 😯

    Drop by any ol’ time – I never serve rice and I’m a most excellent cook – as you well know. 😉



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