To All the Telemarketers…

Β (I’m pretty sure this ain’t what Willie & Julio had in mind. Ooops)

To all the telemarketers I’ve loved before
Who speed-dialed in and tricked the poor
I loathe they came along
I dedicate this song
To all the telemarketers I’ve loved before

To all the morons who once obsessed
And endeavored to harrass the best
For helping me to blow
I owe a lot, I know
To all the telemarketers I’ve loved before

The auto-dialers are always going
And every time I try to dodge or sway
The auto-dialers continue flowing
And they just blow me away

To all the telemarketers who’ve tried my life
Please go and bother someone else’s wife
I’ll never go along
I dedicate this song
To all the telemarketers I’ve loved before

To all the phone jerks who’ve taunted me
Who filled my nights with agony
They have no fucking heart
They’ll always be a part
Of all the telemarketers I’ve loved before

The auto-dialers are always going
And every time I try to stray
The dialers keep on blowing
And they just ruin my day

(come on, everybody, join in!)

To all the telemarketers we’ve loved before
Who rung us up a thousand times or more
We loathe they came along
We dedicate this song
To all the telemarketers we’ve loved before

Who suck wet mops and should lick the floor
Just get the fuck along
We dedicate this song
To all the telemarketers we’ve loved before.

tada!

13 thoughts on “To All the Telemarketers…

  1. Yay! Was hoping you’d get to this one one day! Hilarious! (I sang along btw) πŸ˜‰

    LOL – I was singing along as I was writing it. Now, if I ever hear that song again, it just won’t be the same. πŸ˜‰
    WC

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  2. Should have been an audio post… πŸ˜‰
    Classic WC
    ~m

    Well…yeah…if I’d had you to sing it. If it’d been left up to me to sing, I’m not sure you guys could have gotten through it. πŸ˜†
    WC

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  3. Oh, the autodialers! They are the worst invention of the modern times. Even though I’m on the Do Not Call list, the credit card assholes still call to sell me on one or another of their “protection products”. May a pox fall on all their houses.

    Hey Karen,
    I was getting so many calls from them that I have a message that states ‘if you’re a telemarketer, please stop calling, I’m on the do not call list’ Yet…the autodialers keep marching on. Cripes. 😯
    WC

    PS: Yes, a pox upon them all!

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  4. I flirt with them. Man or woman, it doesn’t matter. I ask them where they’re at, and if it’s far away, I say it’s a shame because they sound cute. If they don’t answer, which they usually don’t, I ask if we can talk about this in person. This helps me because for the longest time I could never hang up if someone didn’t say goodbye or something to that effect. I don’t know why, exactly, but I felt rude. I’m getting over this. Great tune, by the way, and I suggest a trip to Nashville, see if you can’t sell this it to one of those humorous country band types. Fun stuff, WC!

    Good approach Puddlehead – my problem is they usually call just when I’m in the middle of writing something and so I get too annoyed to do anything but hang up on them. Yeah, Nashville is just awaitin’ on the likes of me. πŸ˜†
    WC

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  5. Hi WC,
    Good one! And inspiring enough to write a song myself. Thanks.
    Fortunately, we have laws against those things down here. This makes it kind of fun when we get the occasional call. I insist on talking to a supervisor, get their name, threaten them with legal action, then insist on talking to a manager and inform that person that I am going to report them to the appropriate authorities, so they can expect both a large fine and a letter from my attorney informing them when the court date is for my harassment suit. For some reason, they never call back.
    the Grit

    Wow,you guys are really proactive with these monkeys – hmmm…maybe I’ll give it a whirl someday. Be sure to let me know when you’re song is up – can’t wait to see it. πŸ˜‰
    WC

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  6. Hi WC I’m back. I was so happy to get back to my puter and your post made me LMAO as Derrick would say! Keep them coming. What would we do without you Annie? I’m sure I never want to find out. You are so talented and funny and it always shows through. You are a treasure Annie. We love you girl
    Kathy πŸ™‚

    p>Hey Kath,
    Welcome back! I’m glad I can make you laugh. I think laughing is the best thing you can give to someone – well next to diamonds and cash. πŸ˜†
    WC

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  7. I was already laughing when I read the title. And I thought ok, this is going to be good. And it was.
    I sang the whole thing in my head.
    GREAT FUN. kim

    I know how once you see a parody the original never sounds the same, huh? I can almost hear ol’ Willie wailing this one. Heck, he might even like it. πŸ˜‰
    WC

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  8. Hi WC,
    In a flurry of creativity:
    <a href=”http://britandgrit.com/?p=913″ rel=”nofollow”>The Wal*Mart Song</a>
    the Grit

    Grit,
    That was fan-frickin-tastic! You have quite the flair- maybe Wal*mart will even sell the cd when it comes out. πŸ˜‰
    WC

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  9. Hi WC
    Absolutely fantastic. It should become the call-centre anti-tribute πŸ™‚
    the Brit

    Hey Brit,
    I love the sound of that ‘anti-tribute’ so many things we could apply that to – we may have to start our own non-profit to cover all the bases. πŸ˜‰
    WC

    Like

  10. funny as Annie! I think you missed your calling….hehehe but I agree with Michael, should have been an audio post!
    Cheers, Kelly

    Otay, let’s have your mum do the recording then we can post the podcast here. πŸ˜†
    WC

    Like

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