Yes or No?

I don’t know about any of you, but I’ve been proposed to three times. Impressive, eh? Yet, I’m not married. Hmm, something must be out of whack here. Eh? What’s that? Did you ask why? Well let me tell you – in each case (well actually it was four and I did marry one of them, but honestly we were both talked into it, so I’m not sure it counts) there was just a gut feeling, some little voice that said “Don’t do it.”

For those of you who may be toying with accepting a proposal but aren’t quite sure, I offer the following list for consideration before you say yea or nay:

1. His mother still cuts his food and has offered to show how he likes it done.

2. He won’t let you see his driver’s license because he claims it’s a bad picture. Since when do men care if it’s a bad picture?

3. He thinks you should kick in for the engagement ring since you’ll be wearing it most of the time.

4. His idea of a menu for the reception is beer and pizza.

5. He has to drink a sixpack every night in order to relax after work.

6. He’s still friends with all of his former girlfriends.

7. Setting a wedding date is not important after he has moved in with you and you are doing his laundry, cleaning up after him and making him meals.

8. Your remote has a permenant indentation of his thumbprint on it.

9. The only time he speaks to you with any conviction is during sex and while lobbying for what movie to rent on Saturday night.

10. He makes you pick out the ring and then asks the clerk if the deposit is refundable.

11. His ex-wife wants to know your annual income, in case she needs to go back to court and up the child support.

12. He has three kids by a previous marriage but doesn’t want any with you.

13. When he moves in with you, the only thing he brings are his one grocery bag full of clothes and his big screen tv.

14. He won’t tell you where he works and keeps strange hours.

15. His brothers are excited at the prospect of crashing at your place when they are too tired or drunk to go home.

16. He sheepishly tells you he isn’t quite divorced from his first wife yet.

17. He still keeps some of his stuff at his mom’s, or his ex-wife’s house.

18. He wonders out loud, how you’re going to pay for the big fancy wedding you want and why you don’t just go to Vegas, because it includes gambling and free drinks, all for under $300 bucks.

Feel free to add to the list. πŸ˜‰


19 thoughts on “Yes or No?

  1. Mmm, the male you describe sounds so perfect! It’s darn good advice! πŸ˜‰

    Oh no, he was a conglomerate. If I met somebody this f**ked up I’d be too scared
    to date them.


  2. The photo looks so catching. It touches the heart indeed.
    That’s the grand initial impact. And these emotions dont cease down there, but grow into a thought:
    Wow, the words can do lots of different things. Our lips are even potent to bridge our flesh to the dreams.


  3. 1. He tells you to lose a few pounds before the wedding.

    2. His mother not only offers to show you how to cut his food, but she also provides a list of dos and donts for folding his laundry and cleaning the house.

    Fabulous. Mmhm.

    Oh yeah, I say run as quick as you can away …. πŸ˜†


  4. As for me, 89 women have asked me to marry them. And 7 men. I said no to all of them, and I decapitated those men for coming on to me. Some of us can’t help that we’re so attractive.

    As for your list, if your would-be fiance/e uses the phrase “Boston Steamer” or “When I come back, there’d better be food on the table,” that’s a clear inidcation to cut and run. Wow, world’s longest sentence.

    89, eh? Wow you must really be good looking. πŸ˜‰


  5. Hahah! Funnny!
    The list sounds like my first husband. Maybe that’s why I filed for divorce only 4 months after saying, “I do.”

    You shoulda just lived in sin from the sounds of it. πŸ˜‰


  6. man, so much for my wedding plans! they are all those things and more! LOL

    Time to let your friends pick your beaus.


  7. oh, yeah, and if he wants you to try a “dirty sanchez” or an “angry pirate” RUN!!!!

    Run hell, I’ll call the cops. πŸ˜†


  8. Hi WC,

    Looking at things from the other side of the coin, a reference that may soon need changing to “the cube,” I’ve turned down a few offers. The first woman, although she had some huge qualifications, or so I thought at the time, also had a habit of slapping other men on the behind. The second lass, while she was quite flexible, also had trouble remembering what year it was. The third, I married, 25 years ago. The forth, fifth, sixth, and seventh, offered to leave their husbands for me after they tasted my cooking. I should point out that the fifth and sixth were mother and daughter. The eighth was some woman I met at an afternoon cookout, who offered to leave her husband and three children for me after I tried to excuse myself because I needed to get home and vacuum the floor before my wife got home. The next three were men, so I’m really not certain how to describe who they were willing to abandon for me. While I was flattered, I had to explain that I’m just too old to learn a new sport. The last offer I had was from a lesbian couple. I’m still not sure exactly what the deal included, or how to describe it in polite company, but, even though I have an almost insatiable craving to learn new things, I passed.

    What a strange world.
    the Grit

    Just goes to show you that men who do housework and can cook are very likely to get proposed to. πŸ˜‰


  9. Damn, I lucked out.

    I’ve been proposed to three times, said yes twice and married only once. My ex and I were together for 5.5 years, engaged for 1.5 of those years. We only broke up because we realized we were much better friends than lovers.

    And my Husband? He has his faults – coughcoughsockseverywherecough – but nothing with that kind of magnitude! Egads!

    Egads indeed. πŸ˜‰ Sounds like you found someone you could work with. Lucky girl.


  10. By the by, how’s your agent search going? Any tips?

    – aka, mercurial

    Hey Girl,
    Still plugging along – have 20 rejections to date. Have gone from putting the rejection letters in a revered spot to just stuffing them in a notebook – a couple made nice coasters. Got another nine out and will probably do another blitz this weekend. I figure eventually someone will say uncle. We can only hope. πŸ˜‰


  11. Damn, I did it too – just kept saying yes. You mean that little voice wasn’t just my schizophrenia talking to me??? Shit.
    Here’s one: When you go to his house and discover he “collects things” – and by things I mean junk and by collects I mean obsessively hoards.

    LOL Karen,
    Yep, you should have consulted the list first. Collects, eh? I can only imagine what type of collections. I guess the bottom line is if their mother, their ex or junk rule their life – it’s time to put on your running shoes. πŸ˜†


  12. Wow. Four proposals? I’m impressed. That is a funny list.

    Hey Lass!
    You probably would be considerably less impressed if you ever met any of them. Although one was incredibly handsome – he was also a bit nuts. Used to use me as a barbell. Of course that was before I had the gigantic ass. πŸ˜‰


  13. I have some πŸ™‚
    He spends more time in the mirror than you do, or any woman you know for that matter.
    He critiques your outfits, criticizes what you wear, and how you carry yourself.
    He flips out if you so much as speak to another man, even if it’s your father.

    WC-these were hilarious as usual. I expect nothing less than a good laugh when I mosey over here.

    Hey Kim,
    Yep the ever-primping, possesive, hypercritical metrosexual – not a good candidate for a beau. But they do make great girlfriends. πŸ˜†


  14. Hi WC,
    Delete ‘him’, ‘he’ and ‘his’, and insert ‘her’, ‘she’ and ‘hers’. Now it applies to me. What can I say?
    I’ve been married 30 years. We met in a haze and got married after six months, during which time we saw each other for about three weeks due to living several hundred miles apart.
    I guess when you know, you know. The inner voice is wise.

    Hi Anthony,
    Sounds like your inner voice is onto something. Living several hundred miles apart? That has to be interesting.


  15. As funny as this list is, the sad truth is that many people dismiss these obvious red flags. Many women at first want someone to take care of or think they can fix him after they are married, ha!

    Hey TBM,
    You’re right – if they need to be ‘fixed’ maybe the investment is ill advised.


  16. Perhaps I’m naive, but what’s wrong with being on friendly terms with your ex-girlfriends?

    Friendly terms, maybe not so much. But if they are still affecting your actions, it’s going to be pretty icky to the current girlfriend. You think men are territorily? Think again. And I noticed you said girlfriends – plural. I have to be honest, it would give me pause if my current beau had ex-girlfriends (plural) who he was on friendly terms with.


  17. LOL – I love the list!

    I’ve had three proposals. The first was a five-year-old who I use to babysit. He asked me to wait for him to growup, and came close to tears when I tried to explain he should probably stick to girls in his general age range — the cute little girls in his preschool class, for example.

    Number two was a friend from a swing dancing class I was taking who’s actually gay. And the third guy had just gotten engaged and his idea of being “wild” before tying the knot was to throw a backhanded proposal in my direction. A preschooler, gay classmate, and someone who’s engaged… isn’t it amazing I haven’t gotten hitched yet? πŸ˜‰


    Hey Kelsey,
    Your list seems more impressive than mine. It is amazing that you haven’t gotten hitched yet – you must be picky.


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