I don’t know about you, but there are a lot of folks who will exclaim “Must be a full moon” whenever they witness odd, strange or outright bizarre behavior. I’m definitely one of them. To be honest, I’ve know idea if there is anything correct in that estimation as far as science is concerned. There are so many views about the mind and soul and what they are and what they respond to and how they respond to what they respond to that it seems it may be anyone’s guess.
Still…I have to say that whenever I have made such an utterance, the calendar nearly always validates my observation. That being the case, there are many signs to tip one off that there may be a full moon coming. I offer the following list as my contribution to public safety:
1. You come home to find your dog is lounging in your bed wearing your silk underwear.
2. You turn on your left blinker to make a left turn and your airbags release.
3. Your mother sends you an age-appropriate, taste-appropriate gift that is the right size, right color and aligns with your lifestyle. And you love it.
4. At every stop light, homeless dudes come out of nowhere to wash your windshield.
5. Your watch stops at the exact moment your hard drive crashed.
6. You wake up late, don’t get coffee, forget your cell phone and have a flat on the way to work – oh yeah, your triple a card is sitting on your desk with your cell phone.
7. A mini van carrying three soccer moms and ten little league soccer players runs the stop sign, narrowly missing you by a fraction of an inch and everyone flips you off, even the dog.
8. Gas prices go up fifty cents in one hour.
9. David Letterman actually says something funny on his show.
10. You win money on a scratcher and when you get home find a bill from the IRS for that exact amount.
11. You take a picture of Fergie to your hairdresser and tell her that you want a cut just like that and you leave the salon looking like Vin Diesel.
12. When you get home from grocery shopping you discover they forgot to put your butter and milk in the bag and in their stead is two cans of butter beans, a jar of marshmallow fluff and a package of Depends.
13. A cat spooks you as you are turning into your driveway and you hit the fence you put up the day before.
14. You discover that your favorite television show has been pre-empted by a chess match between the Yugoslavian and Siberian chess champs.
15. You find 37 messages on your answering machine from a three year who that day had discovered the phone.
Okay, that’s my list, what’s yours?