How’d You Do on Your Driver’s Test?

I really hate tests, though I’m usually pretty good at them. Then there are some folks who are just faking it. What’s really scary is that these are real answers given by real attendees of Traffic School given by the California Department of Transportation.

Although, it sure can make you feel smart once you read some of these bonehead’s answers.

πŸ™‚ WC

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can’t see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at
the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying,
“Guns don’t kill people. I do.”

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your
car?
A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too shit-faced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk
driving?
A: I’d probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer
drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave “hello” if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a
flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.

Q: Why would it be difficult to be a police officer?
A: It would hard to be a dickhead all day long.

16 thoughts on “How’d You Do on Your Driver’s Test?

  1. They sound like Paris Hilton answers πŸ˜‰

    Hey Ger,
    You really think so? I think you give her too much credit – I don’t think she’d be this creative or responsive. πŸ˜‰
    WC

    Like

  2. Loved this:

    : What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer
    drive lawfully?
    A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

    thanks for the laugh!

    I laughed at that one too. Just the smart-aleckyness of it made me hoot.

    Glad to give out the laughs – well done for catching one. πŸ˜‰
    WC

    Like

  3. Did it say how many were given licences?

    There was some fuss in Greece a few weeks ago when the transport ministry sent out a leaflet about safe driving. They were accused of sexism for the following (quoted from memory unfortunately):

    Every woman loves to wear high heels. What do you do when driving:

    A. I take them off and drive barefoot.

    B. I always wear sensible shoes, so that I have complete control and feel of the pedals.

    C. A woman without heels is like a car without wheels – I only take mine off when I go to sleep.

    Spot the right answer (hint: it’s the boring one)…

    Hey Brian,
    I assume they were already licensed drivers since this was a test given at a traffic school – in California, traffic school is where you go to ‘learn’ things you don’t know and to make amends for a moving violation. The ticket is dismissed and removed from your record (though you still pay the fine) – so it’s worth the 8 hours of pure hellish boredom.

    In that test, since you gave such a good hint – I’d say B was the correct answer. And no doubt, women would check that answer, then go put on a pair of stillettos and peal out of the parking lot. πŸ˜‰
    WC

    Like

  4. I can laugh about most of these. As a trainer who has to write tests, I always have to ensure my questions are clear as mud – kidding – as clear as clear can be. The question about the flashing red and yellow light is not specific enough although most of us know how to interpret the question in a vehicle licensing test.
    Actually almost every question should be posed differently.
    Still, the answers are bad/funny.

    Except maybe the unlawful driving one. That stuff just angers me. A few weeks ago an elderly couple was killed where I live because of a driver who was driving while he was suspended for DUI. He had been caught previously driving while on another suspention charge.
    Just goes to show that the fines, suspention and even jail time approach doesn’t work. Everybody should be taken to have a mandatory sit down with people who are injured for life or have lost loved ones due to a reckless or drunk driver or actually injured or killed someone themselves that way.
    “I never meant to hurt anybody” just doesn’t cut it in scenarios like these.
    And yes, I passed, at least my written tests easily. Let’s just say, at least in theory, I did well. 8)

    Hey Spaz,
    You’re right – when writing questions for a test you have to use the common denominator of talk to me like I’m three. πŸ˜‰

    As to the drinking and driving issue – unfortunately, I don’t think the scared straight approach is that effective. Most people have drinking and addiction problems because they are seeking to solve earlier unresolved problems. The vice helps them to cope (or so they would think) with the problem or maybe just live with it or numb it. I suspect to solve the addiction problem you would have to solve that which is driving the person to drink.

    Although, you’d think there would be some way of preventing convicted offenders of driving.

    WC

    Like

  5. awesome post!! also, if pulled over for drunk driving, you wouldn’t make it to taco bell for late night munchies…and that would surely bum me out bigtime.

    Yep, that’d be a real buzz killer. πŸ˜†
    WC

    Like

  6. Spaz’ point about questions being ambguous is a very good one. When I took my driving test here in the UK (20 years ago!), you drove with the examiner, then afterwards he asked you a few (random) questions. One of them was “What’s the first thing you do if you’re involved in an accident?”. I said “Stop”. He thought for a minute, said “oh, yes, I suppose so.” The answer he expected was (I think) “turn off the engine”.
    A bad question!

    that’s funny, Brian – I bet your answer did give him pause. I think you’re both right, we’ve become so shallow that the most superficial of questions are asked which do not challenge the mind or the person.
    WC

    Like

  7. πŸ™‚ I thought they only made these people in the South. Ha, Ha. Too funny, gun rack…. classic.
    kim

    Apparently there is in trademark exclusivity on idiots. πŸ˜†
    WC

    Like

  8. Safest Way to Drive

    Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving
    habits, offers the following advice:

    The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly
    proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one’s
    exposure.

    One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds
    are caused by non-drunk drivers.

    Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.

    Urmm!! πŸ™‚

    Di,
    Only you could come up with a convincing argument to drive whilst drinking. πŸ˜‰
    WC

    Like

  9. I used to subscribe to the first half of that, anyway. Some years ago I was on US 62 near Nowhere when a sudden storm reduced visibility to three inches back of the windshield. Deducing, quite reasonably, that this was a serious hazard, I decided to floor it and get it over with quicker.

    I don’t think I’d do that today. (I definitely didn’t do it this summer in Florida, when I got hit on consecutive days with comparable stormage.)

    Hey Anthony,
    Maybe sticking with what worked will work? Stranger things have happened. πŸ˜‰
    WC

    Like

  10. Some of the answers sounded like they could have come straight from a Cheech & Chong record – “hey man, like I’d lose my buzz really quick, man. And that would be like a real bummer, man” .

    You’re right, Paris Hilton’s not that smart. Actually I think Britney may even have a couple of IQ points on her. Maybe 1-1/2.

    Yeah they really do have that Cheech & Chong flavor, don’t they? It is definitely a hair splitter between Brit and Par – but then I guess that’s why we call them dumb and dumber?
    WC

    Like

  11. Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk
    driving?
    A: I’d probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

    This floored me. Nothing like a buzzkill to ruin an evening of libations
    ~m

    Yep, and nothing like some assclown more worried about his buzz than whether he might kill somebody with his SUV.
    WC

    Like

  12. Hilarous! I am a very impatient driver. I would love the right to personally revoke the licenses of the slow and stupid. I think I’m the one with the gun rack and the bumper sticker.

    Hey Lass!
    I thought the gun rack and bumper stickers were standard equipment in your neighborhood. πŸ˜‰
    WC

    Like

  13. OMG, are these people for real?! God I hope so….we all need the laughing material πŸ™‚
    Of course I can laugh a little harder than all of you…I’m not on the roads with these people!
    Cheers, Kelly

    Hey Kel,
    Yep, these are supposed to be real answers on real tests. Can you imagine being the one grading them? Cripes I would have spit my coffee all over them. πŸ˜‰
    WC

    Like

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