Assclown

We all have them in our lives. As co-workers, neighbors, friends of friends, in-laws (hopefully) distant relatives and (probably) not-so-distant relatives. Assclowns. Yep.

It’s the brother-in-law who is going to get you see the light that your drinking American beer contributes to global warning. The co-worker who never does their job but gets raises and praises. The neighbor who is in a hot competition to prove he can grow the greenest lawn on the block.

The politician who promises to solve all our problems but gets amnesia the moment they are sworn in. The spoiled celebrity brat who thinks flashing her business will increase her album sales. The talking head who thinks if they just explain things right to you and your little mind you will see the light and fall into line. The store clerk who can’t figure out how to open the cash register, much less ring up your sale. The Starbuck’s kid who takes your money and then forgets that you haven’t gotten your coffee.

They’re out there folks and their numbers are increasing.

Personally, I blame the schools. Back in the day when I was in school, you weren’t taught about sexuality and multiculturism, you were taught math, english, history and economics. You were expected to use your brain and be aware of the fact that there were actually other people in the world, who also had opinions. And said opinions were expected to make sense by using facts and critical thinking. Can you say, debate club? You were expected to actually earn your grades through study, hard work and turning in legible papers, reports and passing tests. You weren’t graded on a curve – you were graded on what you got right and what you got wrong.

Seems like these days you don’t need facts, the ability to think or even a valid argument of any kind. Having an opionion is more than enough. And since we’ve leveled the playing field, we are supposed to be willing to listen to anybody about anything, lest we show our racist, bigoted or intolerant selves. Hey, just because is a convicted serial killer and rapist doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a right to an opinion. Charles Manson is just a grossly misunderstood guy. Suddam wasn’t hurting us, why did we hurt him? That five year old who kissed the little girl in the playground awaits trial for sexual harrassment. If he’s lucky, he’ll get counseling and some mind altering drugs that will set him straight.

Meat is bad. Soy beans are good. Man is evil. Animals should be able to vote. Society’s right to survive must take a back seat to a rare and nearly extinct weed. Smoking causes cancer and should be outlawed. Marijuana should be legalized. Republicans who are gay must resign. But they must also embrace gayness because they are homophobic.

These are all products of the assclowns – well maybe not soybeans but I’ve seen some studies…

I think we should create a holiday just for them. We’ll call it Assclown Day. We’ll put it in April where there are no other really good holidays. We can probably talk MTV into creating some sort of award show. Or maybe Bono will do a bunch of concerts to help the wayward Assclowns. A new reality show will likely crop up probably curtesy of Simon Cowell and we’ll call it American Assclowns. If it’s really successful there will be an Aussie Assclown and or Assclown U.K. Mattel will create an Assclown doll which people will kill one another for during the Christmas rush. It could be really great!

So, you have any assclowns in your life? I have a few extra if you’re short.

WC