[ HT to my buddy Jenny 😉 ]
Two old ladies, Maude & Mabel, are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke. When it starts to rain, Mabel pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, fits it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.
Maude: Where in the hell did you get it?
Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously surprised since Maude is quite ancient, but it is not his place to judge.
Pharmacist: Is there any particular brand that you prefer, Madame?
Maude: Doesn’t matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.
At which point, the pharmacist promptly fainted.