I Can See the Future

Well, a new year is upon us and it promises to be exciting, stupid, hilarious and interesting. But what will happen? What will be in and what will be out? Who will make headlines? What new trends will we be thrilled about?

Below, my predictions:

1. Hillary Clinton will win the democrat nomination, not because of popularity but because she will be the last man standing due to sudden accidents, deaths and inexplicable withdrawals on the part of the other candidates.

2. MacIntosh will collaborate with Sharper Image and come up with a new, innovative product known as the iShower, which will enable internet addicted nerds to shower using genetically engineered ions, while never having to leave their computers.

3. TickleMeBritney will be the hot, new, sought-after toy for Christmas.

4. Scientists will discover that Global Warming is caused by Algore and circulate a petition to Congress, asking that his jaw be permanently wired shut.

5. Oprah will air a new talk show called, Pick Your Candidate, which will air on public television between the hours of 1a.m. & 2 a.m. Her first contestant will be George Clooney.

6. The Huckabee diet will sweep the nation and come with its own kit including a Bible and a can of bullshit.

7. American Idol will have its first non-human contestant, likely a chimp, who will endear itself to the American public by flipping off Cowell every time Seacrest announces it is safe.

8. Scientists will come up with an alternative fuel made entirely of soy beans – due to the lower cholesteral, cars using this fuel will appear to be slimmer.

9. Osama bin Laden will be found and captured and it will be revealed that he is the first lifelike droid made by Mattel and mass produced in China.

10. Katie Couric will be replaced by Keith Olberman as the anchor for CBS Nightly News to ensure that the ratings stay in the crapper.

11. Sandy Berger’s pants will be auctioned off on Ebay and get the highest price of any single, article of clothing ever auctioned on that site.

12. The Hollywood Writer’s Strike will last throughout the year and consequently produce a spate of reality shows, featuring out of work writers.

13. Michael Bloomberg will decide to run for President once the elections are over.

14. There will be an uptick in ‘tweens’ clinical depression due Harry Potter withdrawal, which will become a new mental disease cited by the American Psychiatric Association.

15. Again, due to the never-ending writer’s strike, Hollywood movie fare will be sparse and the biggest money maker of the year will be Barny: The Story Behind the Purple.

16. The Academy Awards, The Golden Globes & The Grammmies will all be ad libbed by its presenters, consequently, every other word will be bleeped during the broadcasts.

17. The ACLU will spearhead a lawsuit demanding that all Bibles be removed from hotel rooms and be replaced with People’s Magazine.

Well, that’s a good list to start with, I’m sure there will be more. Feel free to add any of your predictions to the list – then we’ll meet here, same time next year to compare notes. πŸ˜‰ WC

15 thoughts on “I Can See the Future

  1. The Huckabee diet?
    Brilliant. Everyone loses something, right?
    #17? Classic Annie. Love it.
    Tossing the bullshit in its rightful place.
    Is it any wonder I really like you? πŸ˜‰
    Happy New Year, kiddo . . .

    ps. clean up the snow around here for cripes sake, I almost killed myself. :mrgreen:

    Hey My Brotha!
    Happy fricking New Year! LOL – I’m still giggling about the Huckabee diet, I know I’m a gonna get flack for that one – but it’s worth it. Oh yeah, #17 – is it really that far from the truth? Unfortunately, I think not.


  2. Hilarious– and I love the picture! I’m predicting a scandal in which doctors reveal that Dick Cheney’s heart problems were all a hoax, as he’s never actually possessed one.

    Wishing you a VERY happy new year!!!

    Hey Queenie!
    How’d that tatoo thingie work out? Are you over the shock?

    Poor Dick Cheney, everybody picks on that guy. I like him, he kinda reminds me of the chuckling dog on Boris & Natasha. πŸ™‚


  3. Oh, these were a fun read, Annie. I love the way your brain works. πŸ˜‰ Also got quite a chuckle out of ~m’s comment for you to clean up the snow. I always have fun over here.

    Hey Teens,
    Glad you have fun over here – that’s what I’m all about. πŸ˜‰

    I guess I better go get the snow shovel then, eh? πŸ™‚


  4. Hi WC,,, I just saw the exchange you had with some doe doe bird on your “why I won’t vote for Hillary” post. When I went to join in the fun you “protected” it….. What gives?

    email sent TRM – have a ball. πŸ˜‰


  5. WC, I think I’ll continue to freak out about the tattoo, until I see an actual photo of it. Until then, I’m still imagining horrible things.

    Queenie, you poor dear – being a mom of a free spirit must be tough. I have to tell you though, that was one of the funniest posts I’ve ever read. You’re fantastic.


  6. Oh thats a great post 17 9 and 7 are my favorites πŸ˜‰ and shoot me now if hillary is going to be the winner of the election okay? πŸ˜‰

    Yeah Kaylee, I’m with you – if the dragon lady gets voted in, they’ll definitely be an uptick in prozac sales. πŸ˜‰


  7. Hi Annie,
    They’re great. As for me, I never make predictions. Indeed, I predict I’ll say exactly the same thing next year.

    Which will then make this a self-fulfilling prophecy, yes? You sly writer, you. πŸ˜‰


  8. LOVE number 6 Annie! Hilarious!

    Hey Simonne,
    Yeah, don’t you love it? I’m still giggling over that one. I love doing these – they always make me laugh.


  9. I think that the second coming of Jesus will happen, but he’s just dropping by for some KFC.

    Wow, I didn’t know KFC was kosher. πŸ˜‰


  10. You, Annie, you is just a genius. Hands down.
    TickleMeBritney .. heheheaa!

    What a relief, that at last, someone recognizes me brilliance. πŸ˜†


  11. TicklemeBritney, Huckabee diet, reality show featuring out-of-work writers were my favorites.

    Now I know your first name is Annie πŸ™‚

    Those were some of my favorites too. πŸ˜‰ Oh, all this time, I thought you knew – yep, Annie, that’s me. πŸ˜‰


  12. Hi WC,

    Great work! One of your best posts in my not so humble opinion.

    the Grit

    Hey Grit!
    Thanks for the kudos – I must admit it was one of my favs too. Any particular point you feel will truly come to pass. And btw, the TickleMeBritney was inspired by you, my friend. πŸ˜‰


  13. Nice one, WC. I never thought I’d see soy beans, Harry Potter withdrawal and TickleMeBritney mentioned in the same post! πŸ™‚ Loved #2, that sounds just like Apple.

    I’ll make one prediction – everyone will get so sick of Marvel comic book movies that Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk will flop, driving people back to reading! And the Barney biopic, of course. πŸ˜‰ Hope you’ve had a great start to the new year.

    Hey CJ!
    Happy New Year. I should have known you’d be the one to notice the iShower. LOL. Unfortunately, I can almost see it coming. Oy, the barney biopic – now who would we cast in the lead role? Rosie O’Donnel? πŸ˜†


  14. Hi WC,

    Considering my past success at predicting the future, other than that one time when I wanted to borrow everything we could and invest in IBM that my wife denied and the stock jumped 40% in the next three months, I will pass on saying what may come to pass. I am, however, most honored to know that I have inspired anyone, and even more touched that it was you.

    Your friend,
    the Grit

    Hey Grit,
    I suspect you inspire many – they probably just keep it to themselves. πŸ˜‰


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