Ah, St. Paddy’s Day is upon us and it is the day in which everyone ‘becomes’ Irish. The demonstrations of same range from the ridiculous to the more ridiculous. Being half Irish and this being the day of my momentous birth, I’m pretty good at spotting the Celtic fakers.
You may be an Irish faker if:
1. You’re the first one in line to order that green McShake at McDonald’s.
2. You threaten to pinch anyone who is not wearing green.
3. Despite your shamrock dress with matching green shoes and bag, your last name is Jablonski.
4. You think that St. Patrick is the patron saint of getting hammered.
5. You believe you can actually sing Danny Boy.
6. You wear shamrock earrings with high heels and latex pants.
7. You think that the Blarney Stone is a new Irish high.
8. You believe that Stonehenge is a freak of nature as opposed to stones being held up by faeries.
10. You don’t know what Colcannon is.
11. You believe that step dancing is something you do with a ladder.
12. You think the Old Sod is that bad patch in your lawn.
13. You believe that Shillelagh is that new pop star who performed on American Idol elimination day.
14. You think soda bread is bread you eat with Coke.
I’m sure there are many other tells – and feel free to add any you happen to know.
And in honor of the day, I leave you with my St. Paddy’s Day haiku:
St. Paddy’s Day
Pints and pickled eggs
lasses steppin’ to the pipes
the rivers are green.