Hey, just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean somebody isn’t out to get you, right? Here are a few of my favorite paranoid thoughts:
1. Why is he/she/it looking at me like that?
2. Does this dress makes my ass look fat?
3. Are they talking about me?
4. Why is that cop following so closely behind me?
5. How come they got a bigger scoop of ice cream than I did?
6. Why did they get their dinner first? We ordered before them.
7. Am I talking too loudly? Too much? Not enough?
8. Why do they hate this post?
9. God is punishing me which is why I am poor, fat, have pimples, can’t sing well enough to audition for American Idol or something else.
10. I just know my boss is going to fire me, my boyfriend is going to split up with me, my friends don’t like me anymore.
11. They didn’t hire me because I’m too old, too fat, too white, a woman, an atheist or something else.
12. My dog likes roomie better than me.
13. I just know that clicking on my phone is the FBI using their damned Patriot Act.
14. The credit card company just knows I’m using that cash advance to pay my rent and they’re going to lower my limit.
15. Why do these things always happen to me?
Feel free to add to the list.