What Not to Blog About

We’ve all seen it, those embarrassing and sometimes even icky posts on blogs that make us turn away or in some cases, run screaming from our computers. While the world of blogging seems to have limitless bounds – sometimes, without even looking for a boundry you find it, often being smacked in the head with it.

I offer the follow list of topics you may want to avoid blogging about:

1. Detailed complaints about family members or friends who know you have a blog. Now the fact that they are your friends and family probably means you shouldn’t complain about them in a perfect world – however, we all sometimes need to vent. But doing lengthy blog posts about people who know your url is not wise for your reputation or your health. Unless of course, you like being hit with a frying pan in the noggin or being the topic of the family newsletter (and not in a good way).

2. Disgusting habits that you love. While I’m sure that you may derive great pleasure from picking your nose, examining belly button lint and toe jam – very few of us are going to be on the same fun train ride as you seem to be. I also do not want to be informed of when, where or how often you shave, exfoliate or clean. Just as I don’t like to watch other people relieve themselves in the bathroom, I just don’t want to hear about that relief. TMI.

3. How you would to kill, maim, disfigure, rape or commit any other form of violence on a politician, public figure, celebrity or your girlfriend/boyfriend. While I’m all for passion and really feeling strongly about what you write – hate just doesn’t do a damn thing for me. Normal debate and discourse on politics or the issues of the day, even in a heated manner is fine – but when it gets so personal that you are writing about how pleasurable it would be for you to truly do violence to another, I think it’s time to put down the pen.

4. How misunderstood you are. One of the really appealing things about blogging is our ability as bloggers to vent. There is a certain amount of whining that we are entitled to, in my opionion. And the occasional whine is not really bothersome and can often be quite entertaining. But 2,000 words posts about how nobody loves you, how the world doesn’t understand you and how you’ve been contemplating suicide on a daily basis since your seventh birthday will not make me a regular reader, nor encourage me to blogroll you.

5. How bad, terrible, awful, evil the world, people, mankind or corporate America is. Again, the ranting is fine but constant complaining about how awful things are will only get other losers to visit your blog and comiserate and since they tend to be apathetic, they may forget your blog even exists because they have to spend so much time filling up their blogs with same. Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay, I say.

6. Every single detail of your child’s potty training, dentist visit, circumcision, or food allergy. No offense to the mommy bloggers out there. I enjoy your blogs and will continue to do so – but some of you folks get extremely detailed in describing junior’s reaction to peanuts and frankly, it’s tedious. Regale us instead, with humorous and profound thoughts or stories of your children, tell us of their adventures toward growing up. We don’t really need to know that Suzie’s mom made a custom uniform for her child to make yours or the whole soccer team for that matter, look bad.

7. Conspiracy theories. I like a good conspiracy theory as much as the next person but before you spew one forth, try to take the time and trouble to make it sound plausible. To make a case the Elvis is still alive, the World Trade Center was an ‘inside job’ or Oprah is really a man is just plain silly. Be creative, plot it out, really work the details so that we can ahh and oooh over your brilliance. If you find you can’t do that, then I suggest you start writing movie scripts because the only place implausibility really sells, is Hollywood.

8. Longwinded stories about why you haven’t been blogging in the last two weeks, three months or five years. Honestly, we’ve all moved on. Truly, we aren’t patiently waiting by our computers for you to write a post or even think of an idea for one. As they say, ‘if you write it, they will come.’ So just write the post already.

9. Your Fake Life. We all know that since the internet allows for a certain amount of anonimity, that we can stretch the truth, because after all no one will really be able to tell if we are lying. Okay, I guess that’s a given and truly, it is good to keep some of the details of your real life out of blogging for obvious reasons. But I’m talking about the pathetic souls out there who are so starved for attention that they make up whole scenarios of lives they have never lived, nor ever come close to living. The woman who claims she was a drug addict and had her children taken away from her and now has to go through all manner of hoops just to see their golden curls. Or some such. There are actually people out there who will feel concern and be heartbroken over such stories. They will try to reach out to you and console you – but it isn’t really you is it? It’s some plastic, cyber version of you, borne of your need for attention. Try actually writing about real experiences, you may find people will respond to that too. And that way you don’t have to remember the lies.

I’m sure there are others, but this is what I’ve got. Feel free to add to the list.

WC

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23 thoughts on “What Not to Blog About

  1. So after reading this list, Im lefting wondering .. why do you read my blog?

    Oh come on, Red – this isn’t you. You’re funny, spunky and a damn good poet too.
    Annie

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  2. #1…yep, I learned my lesson. When I first started blogging I decided to post a little rant about something that had happened at church that bothered me immensely. Little did I know that my sneaky ex would read it and forward it on to EVERY one of my acquaintances in our little community. Oh.My.Gawd. You can imagine the grimace on my face when I arrived home that evening and listened to one dozen, both irate and tearful, messages on my answering machine. Ugh. And then having to call each and every one of those folks to explain/apologize…nothing like opening mouth and inserting foot.

    Hey 2LD,
    I know what you mean. I’ve done a few rants on here and then thought, ‘cripes, do they have my blog address?’ Gave me some serious gulp attacks. I have a friend who is a blogger whose family found her ”non-family blog” and my oh my did the fur fly. She may still be cleaning up the mess. πŸ™‚

    WC

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  3. “Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay, I say.” I LOVE this line. I have to agree with the whole post. And also, Red knows how to give TMI in a humorous way so she doesn’t count. LOL

    Hey Teens!
    Yep, Red and Evyl are quite expert at making one split a gut, as they say.

    You know, this post was inspired by some serious surfing and stumbling I did over the weekend. I was rather shocked to discover that there are so many bloggers who don’t take advantage of this whacky medium and choose to go the other way. On an upside, I’ve discovered (so far) that the best bloggers seem to live on WordPress. Who knew?
    Annie

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  4. Well, I just deleted the post about how I was asked to be on Oprah but turned her down. Thanks a lot. NOW what am I gunna post about? πŸ˜‰

    What? LOL – you slay me. You can still write the post – just categorize under fantasies on ice or sumpton. πŸ˜‰
    A

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  5. Whoo hoo Annie, tell it sista!
    better get a private blog for 1, and 3 or somebody could blackmail ya.
    as for #2 Barf..my sentiments here..
    #4, 5 and 7..tempting…..yes, who does not like a good ole conspiracy theory! lol!
    #6 been over for me a long time now…do grandchildren count?
    #8 darn, it’s a shocker to know we arent missed
    #9 hey, you could write a novel instead.. call it..the pee pee or regurgitation of my life, Hey I probably would be suckered in and think it is all the truth and spend days or weeks worrying and praying for them…Yep just call me Sucker! πŸ™‚

    Good post WC..now what should I write about today? Maybe how aliens really did land here and they have kept them locked up? drats,,that’s already out there.
    Darla has a point..what are we gunna post about? πŸ™‚ LOL!

    LOL Ange – you mean you know about the aliens? Sssh, mum’s the word. πŸ˜‰
    Annie

    PS: I don’t know what you’re gonna blog about, I can never come up with any good ideas myself. Sowwy. 😦

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  6. First of all, that is the coolest Barbie i’ve ever seen ever.

    Next- #6 haha!
    There are some “mommy blogs” i can do. i read three, but they are pretty tame and the authors write about other things as well so i don’t barf but i agree. These are the type of women that bother me in the physical realm, too- those visor and capri wearing freak mommy-bots!

    i do one through five all the time but it’s what i do and you have to admit, i do #4 with flair, girl. πŸ™‚

    I know, isn’t that the most wonderfully politically incorrect Barbie you’ve ever seen? πŸ™‚

    Hmmm…I must be reading a different blog cuz I don’t see any of this in you. And btw, you do everything with flair! Seriously.
    Chica

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  7. Um, well… now I have nothing to post. ;-o
    JK.. You are right though, any blog that is constant ranting, excuses, nastiness or whining is just plain annoying.

    Hey T,
    Well believe it or not, this was actually supposed to be a funny post – guess it fell flat there, eh? And I’m sure you’ve plenty to post about. πŸ™‚
    WC

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  8. Have to say, I’ve written many more post than what is publicly available. That’s because I write stuff down, sleep over it and if the next morning, I’m bored to read it, I know it’s ME TAKING MYSELF, WAY TOO IMPORTANT.

    DELETE!

    Yes, not just ‘save as draft’, but DELETE.

    Having said that, I think I’ve had post in all your mentioned categories. But people come back to visit and I do get new visitors too, so I do feel that I’m not doing to poorly with balancing things out.

    Nice and important post. Explains a lot πŸ˜‰ .

    Hmmm…really? I don’t seem to recall any posts concerning conspiracy theories, fake lives or blatant hatred. You said you wanted me back, so I’m trying to deliver. Maybe today is my day to consider deleting my blog, eh?
    A

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  9. Disgusting, icky posts, that leave people running and screaming from their computer is my bread and butter.

    Clearly not, since they flock to you.
    Maybe I should go that route. What do you think?
    A

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  10. This is why I’ve had at least one post every day for the last 7.8 years: I don’t want to have to write one of those tedious Where I’ve Been posts.

    I do have a weakness for this:

    “2,000 words posts about how nobody loves you, how the world doesn’t understand you and how you’ve been contemplating suicide on a daily basis since your seventh birthday”

    Although it fails at step 2: the whole world understands the issues, and is not at all reticent about telling me so. πŸ™‚

    Seriously? A post every day for 7.8 years? I’m utterly stupified and amazed. How did you do it?
    WC

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  11. Sooooo….you’re saying that Elvis is NOT alive and Oprah is NOT a man? Ack….I need a moment to collect myself.

    Sorry MM,
    I hope this didn’t give you too much of a shock. If so, straight tequilla may help. πŸ˜‰
    WC

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  12. I held my breath through the whole list! nope, not me, nope, that’s not me, either, nope, no, woo. exhale. whoo. I’m really amazed at CGHill being able to post every day for so long. I’ll have to go over and read a few years…

    I know! Can you believe that about CG? Wow, quite a feat!
    WC

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  13. Hi WC,

    Well that certainly shortened my post-to-write list.

    Oh, speaking of conspiracy theories, did you know that when Oprah went in to have all that fat sucked out the CIA had her brain replaced with Elvis’? That way he finally got his wish to be a secret agent, and now her book club choices are used to send cyphers to our field agents. At this point, you must be wondering what happened to Oprah’s original gray matter, and I wish I could tell you the full story, but all I can say is that the next time Britney Spears goes under the knife, she’s going to wake up a very different person πŸ˜‰

    the Grit

    LOL Grit, that explains a lot!
    WC

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  14. Gebus, I’d better think a little harder before I write. I think I’m guilty of a few of them. Fantastic points, though.

    Yikes, I must really have missed the mark with this post. It was supposed to make people laugh, not worry. Oh well, they can’t all be gems, yes? πŸ˜‰
    WC

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  15. Oh, i think you were right on.
    But you know how sensitive writers can be.
    πŸ™‚

    Yes, I guess we are sensitive souls, eh? πŸ˜‰
    A

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  16. Um Annie?! I wasn’t done editing that post when you commented… egads.

    Well then how in the heck was it there for me to comment on? That is dang spooky, C!
    Annie

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  17. Wow, I never heard any rumors about Oprah being a man. Never even considered it! πŸ™‚

    I have to confess to being somewhat gloomy on my blog sometimes. I’m trying to keep it to a minimum, though, and keep that stuff in my handwritten private diary. I also probably don’t blog enough…but that’s because I’m not sure anyone actually reads it. I know you do, though, and I thank you for that!

    Aw, don’t worry about it SOTE – I’m full of it anyway, what do I know? πŸ˜‰
    WC

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  18. I should warn anyone wishing to tackle the 11,000 or so blog posts I’ve done since the summer of 2000 (not to mention five hundred-odd sorta-weekly Vents, which go back to 1996) that, well, they can’t all be gems.

    Well thank God for that, eh? πŸ˜‰
    WC

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  19. Are you sure people don’t enjoy reading about the details of the inside of a child’s diaper? Because I was thinking of rewriting my entire blog to include diaper details. I may even start a new blog, one focusing solely on the eating and diaper habits of my children.

    Well, I’m not absolutely sure…why not test out that theory and then get back to me on the results. I’m a big enough person to admit when I’m wrong. πŸ˜†
    A

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  20. –I can agree with most of what you wrote. I will take much of the advice to heart. I do have to disagree with the Update blogs though. Although an update about where you have been or what you will plan to write about is not as exciting as a full, meaningful post it is nevertheless, still a blog. I usually check my friends pages to see if they have written new posts and if they are absent for a significant amount of time I worry a bit. It can’t hurt to say “Hey I’m not Dead! Working on this or that.” —

    Oh, sure I see what you’re saying. What I was referring to were those posts that are constantly saying, well sorry I haven’t been around and there are like a dozen of them in close succession. Know what I mean?
    WC

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