BAd jOkEs

There must be something in the air lately – I’ve had multiple friends send me batches of bad jokes. Of course to me, there is nothing better than a bad joke. The badder the better. If a joke elicits a big groan from me then it’s high on the joke meter. Not being one to be selfish, I thought I’d share the latest bad jokes floating around.

Remember…the bigger the groan the better the joke. πŸ˜‰ H.T. to Ger and Marli.

  • What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan
  • What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
  • Why is divorce so expensive? Because it’s worth it.
  • Why is air a lot like sex?Because it’s no big deal unless you’re not getting any
  • What do you call a smart blonde?A golden retriever.
  • What do attorneys use for birth control?Their personalities.
  • What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 10 years and 45 lbs
  • What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband? 45 minutes
  • What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife
  • Why do men want to marry virgins? They can’t stand criticism.
  • Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.
  • What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? ‘Are you sure it’s mine?’
  • Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? Mace will do that to you.
  • Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ? Everyone has the same DNA.
  • Why do drivers’ education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays? Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
  • Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.
  • What’s the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with… ‘a recipe’.
  • What’s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins ‘Once upon a time ..’ –A southern fairytale begins ‘Y’all ain’t gonna believe this S**t….

Puns, anyone?

  • Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got
    married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception
    was excellent.
  • A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don ‘t start anything.”
  • A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
  • Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
  • “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home!'”
    “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.”
    “Is it common?”
    Well , “It’s Not Unusual.”
  • An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids
    were nothing to look at either.
  • Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.
  • A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident.
    He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!”
    The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”
  • What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
  • Two Eskimos sitting in a kay ak were chilly, so they lit a
    fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once
    again that you can’t have your kay ak and heat it too.
  • A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
    were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
    tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
    came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
    “But why?” they asked, as they moved off.
    “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in
    an open foyer.”
  • Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him…(get ready to groan)… A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
  • And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at leas ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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16 thoughts on “BAd jOkEs

  1. Funny Stuff! Definitely first class groaners. I liked the chess-nuts one and the antennae one. Thanks for the morning grins. πŸ˜€

    Oh yes, the chess-nuts was really clever, wasn’t it?

    Annie

    Like

  2. Holy crap those were funny! Just when you think you have heard them all! Thanks soooo much for brightening my day and mood. I needed it!

    LOL Jez,
    Sometimes you just have to hear some dumb jokes and laugh, huh?
    Annie

    Like

  3. You are so wrong. You need help….apparently I do too because I almost lost my shit on a couple of those. So stupid!

    Thanks for the laugh, A

    I am so wrong…but I guess I like it. πŸ˜‰ And losing your shit can be a good thing sometimes, can’t it?

    BTW, you’ve been tagged – you know that, right?
    A

    Like

  4. Just as I was about to write of today as a gloomy one, these just made my day!
    Haven’t heard one of them (people think I’m too blonde to get it and I keep it that way).

    Very cool…. thanks.

    Oh Good, Spaz, I’m glad they gave you a laugh – I hear it’s good your health, laughing. πŸ˜‰
    Annie

    Like

  5. Hi Annie,
    Good ones, and just when I needed a laugh! You did, however, leave out my favorite:

    What does a dyslexic agnostic insomniac do at night? He lies awake wondering if there really is a Dog.

    the Grit

    LOL Grit,
    I remember that one. πŸ˜†
    Annie

    Like

  6. Hehe, thanks for the laughs Annie, I needed some!

    Suz,
    I just noticed that your icon is LUCY! I love her. Especially when she has to ‘splain something to Ricky. πŸ˜†
    Annie

    Like

  7. Hello chica. I’ve emerged from my social coma, at least for the moment. Love the one about sex and air. Reminds me of men for some reason….
    Hope you’re well.

    kim

    Be still my heart, you’ve risen from the blog abyss. Where the heck have you been? πŸ˜† Good to see you again, honey.
    Annie

    Like

  8. hehhe*snort*hehaa!!
    Love ’em.

    A dyslexic man walks into a bra. hehe, still thinking about that one.

    Red, that’s my favorite. I don’t know why but it just cwacks me up.
    Annie

    Like

  9. The Gandhi one gets a huge groan from me!
    like you the groan is a symbol of approval and acquiescence! πŸ˜€

    Aniche,
    Wasn’t that one so clever? In a million years I couldn’t have come up with that one.
    Annie

    Like

  10. GROAN – but love em, all! Puns remind me of my father-in-law…. He’s always telling them. Pure wonderful torture.

    Hey C
    My uncle was a big groanaholic. He loved the groaners, and it could where I got my appreciation for them. πŸ˜‰
    Annie

    Like

  11. Hehehe!!!

    What do you call a Japannese Car Thief?
    Tommy Tukamoto.

    Thanks for the laugh.

    Di x

    Oh my gawd, Di – that is a groaner. πŸ˜†
    Annie

    Like

  12. I have laughed so much, Thank you sweet Annie for making my day!
    I would be hard pressed right now to choose a favorite as I really need to go to the powder room..ya know, laughing and all that stuff. πŸ™‚
    Hugs

    Gee girl, I hope everything came out okay in the restroom. πŸ˜† I like doing joke posts – sometimes, we all gotta laugh. And, I hear it’s good for your cholesteral level too. πŸ˜‰
    Annie

    Like

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