With the upcoming election looming before us, I started thinking about alternative voting blocs. Ask any poller for a run down of voter profiles and they will rattle off a list of demographics and sub-demographics that is longer than a guest list for a royal wedding. Apparently, there is a demographic for every walk of life and quirky behavior – or is there? I wondered if some voting blocs had been left out in the cold? Dead people came to mind as a seriously under-represented group. Just because someone is dead doesn’t mean they shouldn’t have a voice in who will lead the country over the next four years, does it?
Dead people should be able to vote because:
1. No American should be disenfranchised in the voting process. (No matter how bad their complexion is.)
2. They represent a vast silent majority. (If you exclude the night time banshee-like moaning.)
3. There is currently no lobby for body decay. (Mary Kay? Avon? Anybody?)
4. They don’t care what has happened to the social security and medicare funds and therefore won’t hold it against Congress. (Particularly those running for re-election.)
5. The Republicans need a larger voting bloc. (And besides, the dead will do jobs that living Americans won’t do.)
6. The Democrats need a larger voting bloc. (And besides, the dead will do jobs that living Americans won’t do.)
7. They have gone back to nature and therefore are totally green and should be able to cash in their carbon credits. (Soylent Green is people.)
8. Life has gone on without them and it’s just not fair. (I smell a lawsuit coming on.)
9. Without dead people the whole mortuary business would go belly up. (And do we really need that kind of pressure on the economy right now?)
And finally, and perhaps best reason why dead people should be able to vote is….. (drum roll, please…)
10. They already drive cars and shop at Walmart – and some even have careers on Wall Street and in politics.
As always, feel free to add to the list.