My Son Is Seeing The Light! – Guest Post by Joan Harvest

Hey, I’m Joan Harvest from “Whatever I Think.” Annie asked me to do a guest post for her and I was honored and thrilled. This is my second guest post here. The first time was a little different. Annie offered me the use of her blog so I could write about my son who is a heroin/crack addict. I had never wanted to write about him on my own blog for one reason: he reads my blog on occasion and I didn’t exactly have permission to write about him but I really needed to.

My dilemma was what to write about as a guest bloggelist this time: another depressing story about my son? or maybe continue on with my saga about dumbasses? or maybe incorporate the two? I even carry around a video camera looking for them(dumbasses) and their antics though I have yet to actually catch any on video. It’s like stalking Bigfoot. He’s never around for a photo op. But have no fear, I will be interviewing my wasband soon so that will take care of that.

I just can’t seem to get myself to stop posting about dumbasses. They are everywhere, around every corner, on every highway, in every parking lot. You can’t get away from them especially if you look in the mirror. I don’t always see a dumbass in the mirror but sometimes I do. Just goes to show you there is a little dumbassness in each of us.

I didn’t exactly want to come right out and call my son a dumbass. I am his mother and have never called him names. Even when he was little I always said to him that he had done a bad thing but I never called him bad. I called him other names when he was little like “alien piggy”, “buzzard breath”, “Damundo”, and countless others but they were all in fun.

He stayed away from heroin for 3 1/2 years and I found out he started using again recently. He admitted it to both me and his girlfriend. Heroin is an opiate like percocet, vicoden, demerol and oxycontin . So now he has bought suboxone off the streets. Suboxone is used by doctors to help addicts get off opiates. It is an opiate in itself but doesn’t get you high. It takes away the craving for opiates and the withdrawal symptoms. It can also be misused if you take enough of it. His girlfriend is doling it out to him in small amounts and he’s weaning off of it. They are in Alaska right now in Denali State park camping out. She got him out of Buffalo and away from the drug dealers. She’s no dumbass.

He called me last night at 1:45 AM in the morning. As soon as I saw his name on caller ID I almost didn’t answer the phone. I’m always afraid it’s going to be one of the bad calls. But again I am his mom and felt an obligation and a need to know. I answered the phone and now I am going to do some thing I have never done before. I am going to call my own flesh and blood, my only son, my sweet pea, a freakin’ dumbass. He forgot there was a four hour time difference and he wanted to tell me how they went white water rafting and how much fun it was. He wanted to tell me about the grizzly bears and wolves they saw.

I was relieved to hear he wasn’t in some alley dead of an overdose (a fear I live with) and I actually sat and listened to his stories. He sounded so happy. He sounded like the Damon I love and cherish and not the Damon wasted on drugs. I didn’t really want to hear about the grizzly bears because now I have it in my head that grizzly bears will be converging on him en masse but of course I patiently listened. I am his mom. I imagined every grizzly bear in Alaska looking for him.

But last night’s call left me with hope. The hope that my son will someday find his way in this life. They are in Alaska with not much money and a tent. But they are happy. I always sleep better knowing my son is happy.

The photo is actually of my son seeing the light, hopefully, one day.

(Joanie, I hope that day is soon. Thanks for this – hugs & jugs)

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10 thoughts on “My Son Is Seeing The Light! – Guest Post by Joan Harvest

  1. Beautiful post from a beautiful lady with a beautiful mind and heart. My heart goes out to you, Joan. Addiction has had its way with my family on so many levels. It would seem most everyone has made through the storm. Some were lost at sea for many many years and I worry about them still. I wish your son the best of luck in this never ending battle. Take care.

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  2. Joan, i pray for you and your son. i am glad that he has two good women looking out for him- you, and his girlfriend- and i hope that he will learn to take care of and look out himself.

    Having been surrounded by several family members addicted to meth, it’s so hard to watch someone you know and love as a unique and beautiful person degenerate into some generic addict. i am happy to hear that Damon is slowly emerging from the stranger the drugs create.

    God bless you and Damon as he works through this difficult time.

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  3. Joan – how true is a mother’s love? I can only imagine the depth, and both the pain, joy and hope – wishing you many more happy Damon stories!

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  4. @ Peter
    Thanks, Spidey, I know you know the heartache involved. I appreciate your caring and friendship. It’s friendships like yours that give me the heart to keep on truckin’.

    @c
    “Having been surrounded by several family members addicted to meth, it’s so hard to watch someone you know and love as a unique and beautiful person degenerate into some generic addict. i am happy to hear that Damon is slowly emerging from the stranger the drugs create”

    As usual you put things in perspective. You have such a way with words. Your mind works in such an understanding way. Thanks, Love, for being there.

    @ Gerry
    What a beautiful comment. There is pain but there is also joy and there will always be hope. I know my son is trying and that someday he will be the person that he is comfortable with.

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  5. Holy cow, what a plethora of posts from amazing people- I don’t know how on earth I missed this Joan! First, the picture of Damon is wayyyyy cool- just an amazing shot and fit the post to perfection. I’m glad he’s happy. Definitely sounds like he’s on his way. This post made me happy, all warm and fuzzy!

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  6. I’m glad your son’s girlfriend is no dumbass. It sounds like he is on his way back (from addiction). Even if he did forget the time difference, it seems like a good thing that he called. Incidentally, J’s brother lives in Alaska and he forgets the time difference too, so I’m actually familiar with early morning phone calls from Alaska!

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  7. Hi Joan.

    Thank you so much for your honesty and bravery here in this post about your beautiful baby boy/young man.He looks so healthy.

    I was addicted to herion and crack cocaine and have experienced relasp. My mum couldn’t talk about it to any-one. She felt so ashamed and was so embarrassed. She couldn’t ask for help.

    Aww!!

    My friends used to tell me (my mum couldn’t talk about it) that they could feel my spirit in my voice. They could hear life again. They loved it when I giggled. I didn’t giggle that much when I was using. I had the death smile and voice with no tone or sound to it.

    They said they always could tell when I was using with my voice.

    It was so hard for my mum and my sister. My mum was in so much denial and was an enabeler.My sister wasn’t and my addiction created unease with in their relationship. My mum wanted to protect me and my siser wanted me in prison. My sister hated me and saw all the pain I put my mum in.

    Oh Joan,

    Mathew is so lucky that your there to love him and to communicate with around his addiction and his recovery. My mum couldn’t talk about either she suppressed her feelings. She got very ill with it all.

    I knew my mum couldn’t talk and I had to accept that.

    I’m sure your son will be happy in a tent with his girlfriend with our Mother Earth to protect him from ( Alaskan Matthew eating bears )experiencing all his feelings again his emotions and his senses.

    Yes ! Two beautiful women, a wasband and a God.

    Thank you and well wishes all the way.
    Di

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