(warning: not a post for sensitive men. wc)
I know that there are some men out there who have this idea that women have penis envy – like they’d want one for their very own. Not really sure where that came from but my guess is a guy thought it up and it couldn’t be further from the truth. I can assure you that while there may be a few exceptions it certainly isn’t the rule. The following are just a few reasons why women don’t need penises:
1. It would just be one more thing to put in our purses and never find again.
As it is, we have to carry everything from meds to laptops in our purses, and whoever makes purses seems to think that a black lining is perfect – so it becomes an immediate black hole for anything dropped into it. Adding one more item just means we’ll never see that again either. What’s the point?
2. We don’t have that much time on our hands
Really we don’t too many items on the list already that need checking off and on top of that, it’s really hard on the manicure too.
3. Pretty much any guy you’ve ever met will lend you his, indefinitely – why buy when you can rent?
That is the thing about men, they are so sharing and especially in this regard. It’s why we love them. And also it saves room in our purses.
4. We like to keep our brains all in one place.
If it’s one thing women like, it’s to have things compartmentalized. We have more than enough to scatter and confound us without having something in our capris trying to give us advice too.
5. It simply doesn’t go with any of our outfits
Okay, maybe that is vane – but really the wrong accessory can ruin an outfit. It’s like white sox with sandalls. No. Just. No.
6. We don’t like loose ends
We are organizers at heart. A place for everything and everything in its place. Having to deal with something that refuses to stay in its place upsets our chi and inner peace.
7. Aren’t thunder thighs punishment enough?
Seriously, and hot flashes and PMS and child birth and cellulite and, and, and….
8. Power tools aren’t our thing
Well maybe there are one or two power tools we like – but if it requires more than a battery change-out, it’s just too much trouble.
9. We already have enough problems trying to fit into our jeans
And we’ve spent decades with pantie wedgies and now the thong, honestly, there is only so much you are willing to suffer for beauty.
10. Somebody has to be able to think clearly
Well, it’s true! So there.
(note: no men were harmed, used for testing or otherwise involved, during the construction of this post.)
Feel free to add to the list. 😉