Don’t you? And I have been wondering it more often lately. When I was a kid, life was the personification of simplicity: Sleep, school, play, eat occasionally, then sleep again. Though childhood is supposed to be simple so that may not be a fair comparison.
I sometimes try to look back to see when things became complicated and there doesn’t really seem to be a specific time that I can point to, in terms of the past. When I was first on my own things I don’t think were all that complicated I had only to work my job, pay my rent, eat, sleep, write, stay alive, basically. But then as we go on in life we start to pick up things. Obligations, debt, relationships and suddenly we are knee deep in all these things that eat up time and seem to add to the confusion and non-simplicity.
While these may be a common part of living life, I often wonder if they are necessary. We dont’ have to run up our credit cards and take on debt, but then things happen, emergencies, shoe sales at Nordstrom’s, dreams we want to fulfill that require schooling or training. We want a home of our own and so we sign onto mortgages, rental agreements, and ditto for cars, and of course family too. Accidents, illnesses, deaths, all these things add up to our sometimes having to take on the burden of others because, well hell it’s the right thing to do.
Then there are relationships – which are very funny animals when you think about them. I mean if you can for just a few minutes blow out the back of your head a few feet and really examine them, it is amazing what you can find. Some relationships are so very good for us, they nurture, they share, there is a wonderful balance of give and take and rarely any issues about who should have done what, rarely quarrels or disagreements, etc. – they just flow like the perfect natural rhythym of a lazy river on a summer day. Beautiful.
Then some are a bit iffy, those in my estimation tend to be family because with family you have this built in obligation/emotional connection – you are supposed to love your parents and your siblings and your children and so on but sometimes they make that very difficult and quite honestly you can’t really get rid of them. They are stuck to you with emotional and historical velcro, so you are forced to solve these relationships and juggle them on a regular basis. Unless you just want to change your name and work for the circus, they must be dealt with.
And then we start to get into the really potentially icky relationships – the co-dependent ones where they are not good for either person involved but are compulsive as though you are forced to play out a role decided upon by a exterior force and often over which you feel no control. These are tough and honestly, I’ve never found a good way to deal with them – generally I manage to tear myself away and try to just never go back. It doesn’t always work but it does most of the time. (For me.) This can be more complicated if they are co-workers or bosses or peers in some way as you are in constant contact with them. Boy, talkr about complicating things – they can really wreak havoc with your life. But they can be overcome, I think – sometimes too if you see your own co-dependency you can stand up to it and then it all kind of melts for lack of a better term. The compulsion just disappears and it’s like a release.
Then of course you start getting into the realm of stalkers and harrassers. These too can add to stress and are difficult to free yourself from. They start out innocently enough, of course you don’t know that that kind of potential is there until it’s screaming you in the face. What to do? Honestly, I’ve never really figured this one out. It can be terribly introverting because I have a tendency to ask myself why I made this happen to me. Why I hadn’t made better choices, hadn’t seen it coming. Which is unfair because I don’t have the power to see the future, nor does anyone else. And though these relationships often come in on a romantic line, they can also come in on a friend line. Have you ever had a friend who became utterly obsessed with you or a co-worker? Believe me, it’s plenty scary and it doesn’t matter if the person is really into liking you or hating you – it still feels like someone is trying to get inside your soul or something.
Jeez louise, what was my point here? I guess my point is this that for me of all the complications that can arise in my life and make my life not simple – relationships are the it for me. It’s because I like people. I like to know people, I like to get other people’s ideas about things, see and learn different viewpoints and leave myself open to that. For me, it is natural and is how I prefer to live my life. The only trick is, how do you keep it sane? How do you factor in those great relationships and factor out the icky ones? I’m not sure I know but I do think that if I could figure that out then my life would be so much more simple.
How about you guys? Same problem? Different?
20 thoughts on “I Wonder…Why Life Can't Be More Simple”
Hehe!! ‘ How do you keep it sane ‘ Thats the trick isn’t it darling.I liked those words. ‘How do you keep it sane’
Loved this post and your descriptions of different relationships – friendships. I was giggling.
I’ve had some pretty tricky friendships in me time, border line co-depenadant and actually border line stalker on my part and others peoples part. Yes ! Very hard and tiring.
For me I find its about different needs being met by different poeple at different times and when you get an understanding of how you are yourself in different friendships with different people its easy to see where the needs are being met or are not being met.
With my best friends this thought process never comes into play because (needs) are just met naturally.
When you find best friends ( and they are there ) everything just ( is ) Like love just is.
I’m actually quiet gald that I have been stalked a time or two as I learnt a bit more about me and my judgements and my balances. I’ve leant so much about co-dependancy this last few years. I’ve written so much about co-dependancy.
I think but don’t quote me in this will you, hehe!! Its all about being true to yourself and when that happens ( I don’t know how that happens ) you can be true and allowing to an extent within different forms of relationships.
Am I making sense dear Annie, I know I’m wittering with a new puppy snuggled around my neck making me feel all funny. Its kissing my neck and its driving me insane, aww! It won’t leave me alone. I might come back to this, is that okey. I always worry about wittering to much on friends blogs but sometimes posts just scream at me WRITE SOME STUFF DIANE.
Love as always
Yes I wonder that to.
It’s interesting that you say the co-dependent relationships/stalker relationships have taught you something about yourself – I wouldn’t have thought that – but it does make sense. I suppose there must be things we do or say that signal to those people that we need them in our lives somehow, though it’s a scary still. Eh?
‘But they can be overcome, I think – sometimes too if you see your own co-dependency you can stand up to it and then it all kind of melts for lack of a better term. The compulsion just disappears and it’s like a release.’
I liked those words Annie. Just melts away. I shouldn’t have come back this as quick as I have done. I have to get Maggies injections in half an hour, I’m still not dressed. Ha! I want to write something here on co-dependancy and needs and power and control. Just some stuff that I have expereinced over this life time.
Once you can own your own co-dependancy traits and examine it as truthfully as you can it does just melt away.
Thanks again dear Annie
Love again as always again and again hehe!! Shut up Diane hehe!! I can’t. I’m co-dependant on this post now.
Smiles, love & knowingness
Well dear maybe you have hit the nail on the head there. Owning our own codependent traits and seeing what that is all about? You’ve definitely given me something to think about. Thanks.
Sometimes I think that our radar goes astray or something. I mean our internal radar.
Sometimes we meet people, either in real life, or online and the hairs on the back of your neck don;t stand up on end so you let your guard down a bit, then a bit more and a bit more and that is how stalkers “get in”. I know for me it was. And it ended up with the person turning up at my house when they knew I wasn’t going to be home. Ugh, that was scary for a while.
And family. Well that’s another whole ball game aint it. I have 2 brothers. One is quite, well, normal and the other one is really the quintessential black sheep. He is so different to the 2 of us. Drama seems to find him wherever he goes and if it doesn’t then he manages to turn things into a drama. I haven’t spoken to him for a couple of weeks cause I cant stand the “woe is me” any more.
And the friends we couldnt do without – they make the world go round don’t they????
Good point – maybe it is something gone awry in our radar. Mine tends to be pretty good, actually and so when it doesn’t work I am dismayed. Yeah it can be scary.
Yeah family – I have a drama queen or two in my family as well – hard to take and hard to deal with. So yeah, sometimes you just dn’t return those calls, eh? 😉
Yes, the friends we can’t do without make the world go round and help us through some of the really tough times, don’t they?
I used to have ALL of those relationships in my life. Okay, not a stalker, but definitely people my daughter calls emotional vampires. Real soul suckers. However, a year ago I made a decision for myself: if a person does not enhance my life, out they go. Period, end of discussion, no regrets, no wavering, boom, gone. I have excellent positive supportive fun people in my life. I have no obligation to anyone. I don’t care who you are. In terms of relationships? My life is very simple.
I like that ‘soul suckers’ yep, I’ve met a few. I admire your resolve on getting people out of your life who don’t enhance it – I’ve done similar things – but we are always meeting new people and we can’t always know who they are when we first meet them, can we?
Also too, I have to admit I am attracted to quirky people, characters who are different. It may be a bit ill-advised but my curiosity will lead me to some strange encounters. And I guess after all is said and done no matter what the relationship it somehow enhances my life if only for the experience. 🙂
People are just darn fascinating, aren’t we? hee hee.
My first thought was ‘Simple is as simple does’? but that’s just too simple, isn’t it.
You know, C – people are fascinating – in fact, the most fascinating creatures on the planet if you ask me. As to the simple is as simple does…I’m not sure that’s true. I tend to take the simple approach to most thing, direct route I guess you would call it, yet it doesn’t seem to affect others around me to do the same – so perhaps simple is not as simple does???
I like the statement, “It’s because I like people. I like to know people, I like to get other people’s ideas about things, see and learn different viewpoints and leave myself open to that. For me, it is natural and is how I prefer to live my life.”
I really feel the same way. How else can we grow? Being introverted leads to insanity in my thinking. I must admit, I don’t like some people, but that’s what this experience is all about. We find those we can share with and grow with them. Keep up the writing. It’s helping me.
I wonder if introversion does lead to insanity? I think it leads to problems, absolutely – I suppose it would be depth of introversion and how it manifests, eh? My writing is helping you? Well you couldn’t say a nicer thing to a writer. Thank you. 🙂
I miss childhood. Even though mice were jumping into bed with me, it was a simpler time.
Hey Girl! How the heck are you? You know, it’s funny we had mice problems when I was a child too. They didn’t jump into bed with us but they sure like jumping up and down the stairs with my father chasing them down with a bedroom slipper. 😆
Childhood was so much simpler, wasn’t it? I grew up in a “Happy Days,” “Father Knows Best” kind of world, and you can’t get more simple than that. Sure wasn’t very good prep for the realities of adult life. Too bad the K.I.S.S. rule can’t be applied to life as easily as to our work.
I think I grew up on those reruns… but I know what you mean, much simpler in so many ways. I don’t know what the K.I.S.S. rule is – care to clue me in? Me very curious. 🙂
Ah, childhood. Back when the biggest decision we had to make was who to run between during a game of red rover. Always the two weaklings…
I totally remember red rover – lol – I was not one of the weak links, lol, but I knew who was. Wow haven’t thought of that in long time. I wonder if a bunch of adults could play red rover. That might be fun, especially if a few beers had happened first. 😉
In general, I would say that life is complicated because there are just too many people to know on a personal level, and too many that I wouldn’t want to know at all, and the Government won’t let me just shoot those when I come across them.
Which makes me think that our civilization took a turn for the worse, and more complicated, when we outlawed dueling. Really, if everyone from the politicians, to the CEOs, to the civil servants, to the store clerks knew that if they gave crappy service they might have to pick up a pistol and walk onto the field of honor, things might be less complicated, and would definitely be more polite.
As usual you offer an interesting perspective and sage advice. It’s true people did mind their manners much more when a future duel could come at any moment. And you’re right, there are so many people and it is impossible to know them on a personal level. Too bad, I say, too bad.
BTW, I’m adding you to my blogroll 🙂
Well thank you and back atcha. 😉
Life is like art. You have to work hard to keep it simple and still have meaning.
I was told thats its a simple life for complicated people. I liked the Panters take, I kinda danced her definance ( is that a word ). I like this discussion,seeing what others think.
Life is simple. I know that today.We can still have difficult days though can’t we. How would we know how simple it was if we didn’t know how difficult it is.
Yes, I can see you are enjoying the discussion and you are waxing quite philosophic if I may say so. And right on, sistah. 😉
I am not sure how you “weed out” the icky relationships. I guess that would be worth knowing. But I think the most important thing is knowing who your real friends are. It’s always good to get to know people in your interactions better so you know which ones you can count as true friends and which ones are toxic. Also, some people are only in your life for a time or are in and out of it over long periods of time. That’s just life and accepting that and making the most of it helps to keep things sane I think.
Yes, I agree it is a good idea to get to know people better – but I’ve also found that during the process of getting to know them better you discover these icky aspects – when you are least expecting them. I suppose we could all be more cautious and less trusting – but in my case, it’s not really realistic. I tend to take people at face value until/unless they prove me wrong. Know what I mean?
I love it… “Then there are relationships – which are very funny animals when you think about them”
It’s so true.
This reminds me of a e-mail i got the other day about a jar that gets filled with golf balls and sand and such…anyhow, it’s funny the things that ‘fill-up’ your life and make it crazy and wonderful all at the same time.
You got that right CG – they are crazy and wonderful at the same time.
K.I.S.S. = Keep it simple, Stupid
Well heck, now that you say it, my mind slaps me in the foreward and says, ‘doh!’ I knew I knew what it meant, just couldn’t get that file clerk coughing up the answer. 😉
After reading your post and seeing the post header pic, I want to go out and play Ring Around The Rosie. But the dudes in the white coats might come out and get me.
Yeah, not to mention those little girls’ mama’s. 😆 Just kidding, darlin’
Before I had kids, it was always the relationship thing making my life complicated. Through the whole time my kids were growing, just trouble with the wrong people, sisters, etc. Then, one day the light came on…. I wasn’t hearing my inner voice- those red flags were popping up and I was ignoring them making my life hell (co-workers). Now, I just sit back and watch. I have only one friend at work that I am invested in, and even sometimes I get frustrated because we spend so much time together at work… but never again and I letting in someone from work. They can seem so normal, and turn out to be completely psycho, then, they try to drag me down with them. My life got a lot less complicated and it was a weight off my shoulders. Yay!
I know what you mean – co-workers as friends can be risky because if they turn out to be not who you think they are, you’re kind of stuck because you deal with them on a daily basis. And it can make you miserable. Although I will say I’ve made some great friends through work. Seems we just have to go with our guts on things like that, eh?
I’l play ring around the roses with Evyl and look forward to spending some time with him committed. ( There coming to take us away hehe haha oooo ) smiling.
My best friend Adele and I dream about the day we end up in some sort of instistution together, we say we are not bothered where it is as long as we share the same room. Mental asylum, nursing home, old folks home, were not bothered as long as we are together laughing. We said we’d prefer the mental asylum. We’d be more fitting there.
I liked what was said about friendships and filtering the different ones out. I loved what you said about finding a friend and relaising their (ickinessess). I can cope with that,once I’ve made a friend and a love is shared. If a love is shared with a friend I can cope with friends wierdnessess. I can.
I think icky friendships with out love just simply weed out themselves, but the trick is how to stay sane as it all works itself out and Icky friendship with love will just work out naturaly as you have LOVE.
Hi Annie, Yes I loved this discussion.
PS. Does Icky mean Tricky
Oh my it seems like people are all headed toward those men in white coats, lol. It’s cute that you and your friend want to be roomies in the old folks home – I’d bet that you’d give the nurses and orderlies a run for their money.
No, sweetie, icky is not tricky – it’s the sort of thing that gives you kind a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach.
I just wrote about this yesterday (the abridged version LOL) on my blog. Complicated? Yup.
The abridged version, eh? I may have to go see that. 😉
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to listen to my instincts. I’ve learned how to be pleasantly distant, and I’ve learned that I do not have to be friends with everyone. I used to want everyone to like me, and that made for some messy and/or icky relationships. I enjoy people and getting to know new people, I’m just more selective these days. Maybe it is a sign of maturity. **gasp** It only took me 30-odd years, LOL!
That’s an interesting idea – ‘pleasantly distant’ I wonder how I could do that? Maybe that is my problem I do want everyone to like me. Well…not everyone. 😉