Holiday Eating Tips from Zelda

more xmas cookies

So, Zelda sent me these tips and I thought I’d pass them along.

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It’s rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:

“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”

Have a great holiday season!!

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7 thoughts on “Holiday Eating Tips from Zelda

  1. I’m making a gingerbread, lemon and blackberry trifle for our holiday get together (and I’m going to attempt to MAKE the lemon curd for it.) EAT UP is right!

    Oh my gosh, C! What an endeavor. Send me photos and the recipe – I have to see this – it sounds so elegant and impressive. 🙂
    Annie

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  2. OH, geez, lmao right now. You and Zelda are definitely two peas in a pod. Oh, I definitely needed a laugh this morning. You’s a trip girlie.
    Have a great weekend.
    kim

    Hey Kim, glad you got a chuckle – we definitely aim to please. 😉
    Annie

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  3. Your list is oh so wrong, yet so right.

    Sorry, I’d be the one to have carrot sticks and cucumbers amongst other things.. along with the rumballs too.. I just hope people don’t leave because of the carrot sticks?!!

    Pass me the rumballs and eggnog please…

    Daisy

    Oh so wrong and yet oh so right – yup that just about says it, eh? Definitely pass the eggnog, I’ll pass on the rumballs – eeeooowww. 😉
    Annie

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  4. Sorry Gerry does not do gravy !! But pass the eggnog….like the whole punch bowl no need to ladle it into those stupid little glasses 😉

    Oh really? Well Ger, didn’t you know that eggnog is just sweet gravy.? 😆
    Annie

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  5. This post makes me hungry. And I can’t believe Moe has never had pumpkin pie. Wow. Of course the absolute best is pumpkin cheesecake. Man, I wish I had some right now. 🙂

    Hmmm…pumpkin cheesecake? I dunno…I’m more of a purist myself – just plain ol’ pumpkin pie for me. 🙂
    Annie

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  6. Mmmmmm pumpkin pie, yummy. When I lived in Canada I got to celebrate Canadian Thanksgiving, US Thanksgiving and Christmas all in a few weeks. I ate like I have never eaten before. And the pumpkin pies were to die for. I do have a recipe for one and have made it once, it was good. I will happily pass it on to Moe if she wants it.

    And re the exercise, why would you need to cause carrying the 10lb plate and a vat of eggnog is exercise enough, as well as nap-inducing.

    You and Zelda make me laugh, the whole list is excellent 🙂

    Hey Gem!
    You have to admit nobody likes to eat food like Americans on Christmas and Thanksgiving, eh? Yes, send that recipe to Moe – she should at least try a proper pumpkin pie, don’t you think? I have a feeling she’ll reallly like it too. 😉
    Annie

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  7. Hi Annie,

    1. I only serve carrots that have been simmered in wine, brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg until the liquid is gone and whats left becomes a glaze for the soft orange bits.

    4. I use heavy cream, extra butter, and cheese.

    the Grit

    Hey Grit,
    Wow, you make carrots sound good. Now that’s a definite talent if you ask me. And oh yeah, #4 – I’m with you all the way on that too.
    Annie

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