Standing Still


It’s funny for the last few months maybe because of all the change of space, addresses, lifestyles and then back again, I’m not able to stand still. Not sure when it happened exactly but where once I could literally sit in front of a computer for 18 hours without even thinking about it, now I can’t sit anywhere for more than an hour without moving.

When I was back east, as things got more stressful I started walking. I walked constantly. Partly because the dog needed walking but mostly because I needed walking. It was as though if I didn’t keep moving I would die or stop breathing or something. Maybe it was the apartment, the small space of it. I wasn’t used to living in apartments, I was used to being outside in the sunshine. There wasn’t a whole lot of that when I was there but even though it was often bitterly cold I just felt better outside and moving. Always moving.

The habit has carried over now that I’m back in California. I walk several times a day, often with the camera slung around my neck, a travel mug of filled with one beverage or another and I move. I walk up and down the streets, I can’t even seem to walk slowly. As though I’m in a hurry and I have somewhere to be and yet I haven’t.

Even when I find an image I want to snap, as soon as I’ve snapped it, I’m off again on my own private foot race with myself. Just going. Going. Going. And yet I never really go anywhere. It is the oddest phemon for me. I’ve always been one who can relax and veg without prompting or trouble. Now, it would take serious drugs to slow me down. If I’m not doing something I get antsy – foot tapping, lip chewing, gotta move, gotta move.

You think maybe my brain got short circuited or something? Could it be hormones? Maybe I’m eating too many carbs or not enough carbs. Maybe I really have somewhere to go, like the Mad Hatter and I’m very late but I just can’t remember where it is I am going. Or maybe things just change and now I’m a mover? If only I could be a shaker and mover then I’d have something.

10 thoughts on “Standing Still

  1. Sounds like a lesser version of what commonly happens to runners. Your body gets used to a certain level of exercise/training on a regular basis and just naturally starts getting antsy and restless until it gets its daily fix. It also gets used to your relieving stress that way, and without the exercise, the stress starts building again. Smile! It’s good for you.

    PiedType´s last blog post..D-Day in Denver

    Hey 30,
    You may be right. Though wonder if it has more to do with being sort of homeless right now. It’s been a while since I felt tethered to any particular location. Oddly, I’m one of those people who needs that to feel ‘right’ you know? Though the exercise definitely is good for me. 😉


  2. Walking, first of all, is good for you. You were probably stressed back east and walking took some of the edge off of the stress and like PiedType says, once you start something your body gets used to it and you kind of fall into a groove with it. Keep it up!

    James´s last blog post..Oh! I Forgot!

    Hey Jim,
    You’re right, it was an effort to take some of the edge off. It is good for me but I was walking a lot before all t his happened. It’s not the walking so much as I can’t sit still. You know?


  3. I think this is a good way for you to readjust yourself to yourself. Something new. Walking, photos, etc. Exploring another of your creative talents….Sometimes for us thinkers, sitting is no good….

    Kim´s last blog post..Pick me! Pick Me!

    Hey Kimmie!
    That’s a good point. The photography definitely is a new outlet. In fact, I could spend all day and night doing it and futzing with it. I really do enjoy it. Another outlet. Readjust me to me, eh? I’ll have to think on that. 🙂


  4. Hi Annie,

    I know the feeling. It seems, more often than not, that I’m in a foot race with myself, and the rest of the world, for the prize of staying where I am. I’m not sure when the rules changed, but I do remember that, in my youth, staying even wasn’t something that one had to strive for, but was pretty much a given. Progress, or so it would seem, sucks at times.

    On the other hand, I’m thinking that there’s a country song or two in there somewhere. I’ll send you the lyrics when they come to me.

    the Grit

    the Grit´s last blog post..Obama to the rescue!

    LOL Grit,
    I think you nailed it. I would be most interested in the Country Western song lyrics. I’m a second alto myself, how about you? 😉


  5. Know exactly what you’re going thru – I’m finding I’m walking alot and when I’m not walking, I’m getting antsy over not doing it! All because I’ve stopped smoking. 4 weeks and counting. Unfotunately it hasn’t stopped the cravings nor the extra weight I’ve packed on, but one battle at a time. Eventually my body will recognize that it has to burn the extra fat inorder for me to keep walking.

    Are you perhaps scoping out places to live/work while you are out on your walks? I’ll have to figure out how far away from Kasey you are….hes on Highland Ave. Sometime within the next 6-12 months, I’ll be a visitor!

    Hang tough, keep walking and keep your eyes open while you’re doing it! *wink*

    Hey hey Billie-J!
    Yes, I am keeping an eye out. And good girl on the walking and no smoking.

    As to where Casey is relative to my current location – not too far. You better let me know when you’re coming out here because you and me are gonna hook up. Count on it. 🙂


  6. I dunno – some parts of me I don’t really want shaking. LOL.

    Maybe you just have a lot of anxiety at the moment because you recently thought your life was going in one direction and now it’s going in another? I don’t know but I hope you are taking care of yourself, hon. Don’t get me wrong – walking is great, but sometimes you need to get comfy and relax too. Hugs to you!

    teeni´s last blog post..The Bird Magnet

    LOL Teens, do you mean the ‘wobbly bits’? Love Bridget Jones, don’t you?

    As usual, you got what was going on or is going on??? I am trying to take care of myself but I’m still living out of suitcase and that makes it a bit of a challenge. Thanks for the hugs I could use all I can get. 🙂


  7. I wonder if part of it is because it’s the habit you got into and if part of it is also because you haven’t settled into your own place yet so are still anxious.

    Perhaps when you find your new home you’ll be able to relax again.

    Mistress B´s last blog post..Screw Up Tuesday – the bumper school holiday and house moving edition!

    Hey B!
    Yes, I think maybe I will be able to relax a bit more when I settle into my new place. Happily that will be on or around the 1st. Just a few more days of being homeless. 😉


  8. So you’re antsy. That I understand. Been the same way lately. Perhaps once things settle down the “antsy” part will too. BTW, I like the picture in this post. Is it where you live now or something you picked out?

    James´s last blog post..Rabbit Hunting

    Hey Jim,
    Yeah maybe the antsy part will settle down. Could happen. Yup, I took the snap – it’s in the general neighborhood where I’m staying. Nice and pastoral, don’t you think?



  9. Hi Annie,

    My singing voice is best described as cover your ears and run screaming from the room. Actually, you almost had a chance to hear it but, after the Military approached me about hiring me to sing to the terrorist captives as part of the harsh interrogation techniques, but the deal fell through when one of the senior level people on the project went crazy while reviewing my demo tape, and emptied a gun into the tape player. After that, no one really considered the destructive potential of my voice as being even remotely useful in a politically correct war. I was also approached by the Chinese and North Koreans, but even they decided such torture was too cruel. All of which goes to explain why a little known law was pushed through in 2003 that makes it a felony for me to sing when another human being is within 200 feet of me.

    Owner of a voice fit for blogging,
    the Grit

    the Grit´s last blog post..Pelosi, living in a daze

    Dang Grit,
    Just when you were poised to make milions in government grants, eh? Too bad. I guess timing is everything. And if you ever want to hire yourself out as a private torture consultant, I have a few people I could use you for. 😉


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