Signs Your Landlady Wants You to Move

Since I’ve moved seven times in the last 9 months I fancy myself an expert on the ‘signs’ that tell you that you’re moving again. As a public service, I offer the following indicators that your landlady wants you to move:

1. She stops stocking toilet paper in the communal bathroom, which you generally discover at 3 in the morning.
2. You can no longer enter the house from the front door because your ‘new room mate’s’ drums are blocking the entrance.
3. When you return to your room after having been gone, the lights are on and your cat is missing. (Everyone denies any knowledge)
4. You come home to find that the door to your room is blocked by someone else’s moving boxes
5. Your room mates have the uncanny ability to multiply overnight.
6. The microwave now requires a code to operate, which you do not have
7. She ‘forgot’ to mention that band practice is every Tuesday night until 4 a.m.
8. Complete strangers are piling their belongings in the driveway
9. Random belongings of yours mysteriously keep ending up in the trash.
10. A no parking sign has been posted at your usual parking spot overnight.
11. Your room mates pretend they have never met you when you run into them in the hall.
12. Someone has painted a bullseye on the back of your car – and apparently has been doing target practice.
13. Your canned tuna has been ‘donated’ to the neighborhood stray cats
14. The food you had in the fridge has been tossed to make room for two cases of beer for a party to which you’ve not been invited.

While there may be other signs, these are a surefire indication it’s time to get outta there – and fast.