The judgment in your eyes surprised because I thought I would find love there. I thought I would find kindred and hope but most of all – future. But the color was doubt – the promise, betrayal.
And I gave up my mountains and eternal sunshine for you. I surrendered my worldly, my material – all that I owned and all that owned me. All that I knew. To learn the geography of you.
And you gave me your stormy days and flinty sky – your shadow and hooded eyes. Your trust hid and lurked among the fortress of books you kept with care. Unlike my heart – which you stuffed in a drawer with the other junk you couldn’t part with.
I was the trophy you kept in the attic of some yonder day, some nether dream of what could never be. A victory won in your dream of dreams. Too good for the real. Yet the real wasn’t good enough for the now.
And when you slept your flight was solo – always. Your back, a closed door to my eager and hopeful embrace. Always time for details but never time for me, or us. Mocking danced in your blues and derision smiled in the silence that I could never pierce, never find ingress.
And you judge me still for daring to see you. For uttering the words that tell my truth. For opening the wound and letting it bleed all over your dotted i’s and crossed t’s. For making it messy and spilling out of the box you call home.
But let the moon and the stars and the open fields judge me. The sky, the night air, the jasmine whose tendrils stand watch at my window. The sun and the trees, the eyes that beam kindness, the hearts that know love. Yes, there I will be judged in the purple glory of dusk.
Anita Rodgers Mystery Writer 
And in the purple and lilic glory of dusk I will dearly judge my friend with gratitude with the knowing of love with a heart that feels and one that would NEVER be stuffed in a drawer. I will judge with love care and kindness as the sunrises in every day in every way.
Lovely beautiful meaningful words here for your theme Judgement Annie. Thank you dear friend.
Love Di
Hey Di,
This was one of those, waking up in the middle of the night and scribbling it in the dark, pieces. I don’t know, it just poured out of me. I suppose it had to at some point. But you know what, it felt good. Cleansing actually. Glad you liked it.
Annie
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Ps.
A heart that has never been broken can never mend. Who the fuck wants a stale heart ? A heart broken and mended is a heart worthy of being a heart. I love your heart – it glows purple and pink and although your post here is Theme Friday – Judgement – A story – Its you.
I know you’ve been having a little bit of a hard time with your heart and I can see the break healing and although still a little red from the blood wounds – I see pink and purple glowing through.
Love Di.
Oh ! I line from a song I like is this :
Don’t be wreckless with other peoples heart and don’t let people be wreckless with yours. ( something like that )
A wittering Di with love. x
Well honey, witter away – not to worry. You make a good point, my friend and back atcha. 😉
Annie
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There is so much here to love- ‘purple glory of dusk’, ‘your back a closed door’ and especially “To learn the geography of you.’
This is amazing. Your imagery-like a poem- conveys the ache, the judgement, the sadness and the anger at the judgement, so wonderfully.
i like how at the close, the speaker is moving on. She knows herself, knows how she feels, and though limping moves on and will be okay.
This piece is so very good, Chica.
Hey Chica,
I have to admit, I’m pretty fond of the piece too. It just managed to say what I wanted to say and that’s always a good thing for a writer I think. And you totally ‘got’ the end – perfectly. We done good this week, eh?
Annie 🙂
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Hello, WC,
I said I would stop by your Friday night event. I’ve been looking forward to it during the week. I’m not too sure you need my two cents worth, though. Your writing is so descriptive. What command of the language; I’m sure it’s been earned at quite a price. Of course it has. In “Judgement” you certainly show us that.
But, the heart… That thing has a mind of its own! You went with it, and – funny thing. Well, not funny ha ha. It’s hard wired for pain just as surely as it’s hard wired for love. It sometimes feels as though the more a person opens up to the love side, the more the pain side gets “wired up,” too.
Still, as you say in Judgement, “let the moon and the stars and the open fields judge me.” To me, this says that we don’t shut ourselves off from our feelings and close down the heart, even when faced with such difficult situations. The moon, stars and open fields help us stay connected to the “wholeness” of life.
In the movie, Adaptation, the main character played by Nicolas Cage has a twin brother, also played by Nicolas Cage. At one point they discuss a woman in high school that the brother was in love with and who not only rejected him but who also mocked him to her friends.
The brother said he was ok with it. He came to understand that the love he felt was his. He owned it. It didn’t matter what she thought or did. The love he felt for her belonged to him. She couldn’t change his love at all!
Nicolas Cage plays both parts, as I said – both brothers are screenwriters. You might get something from this Spike Jonze film. What does this have to do with your Friday Theme? I don’t know, exactly. But I like to retreat into a film when I’ve taken a bad hit sometimes.
Thanks for the invite to your Friday Event!
Robert aka Existential Poet
Hello Robert and thank you so much for your very nice comments. I like your analysis and particularly what you say about the the ‘wholeness of life’ – I agree. And when we take a hit, as you say – that connection is important. Hearts I guess are made for breaking but they mend.
Funny you should mention Adaptation and in particular that scene – it is a favorite of mine and I really loved that philosophical moment in it. Nick Cage can pretty much do no wrong in my mind.
I’m so glad you came by – I hope you’ll come back.
Thanks again,
Annie (aka WC)
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Something about writing just as we’re waking or dozing off, in the twilight of our consciousness … it’s often our most creative, most insightful work. It’s when the ideas flow. Science has a reason; writers just need to know it happens. Who among us doesn’t keep a bedside notebook?
Beautiful piece, although personally painful to read.
Hey 30,
Well I guess I dont’ have a notepad by my bed because my desk is a mere three feet away. But you’re right, something about that place just before slumber seems to release our minds into a creative space.
Yes, I suppose it was painful to read – it was a bit painful to write but it said what I needed to say, which always makes me happy, at least as a writer.
Annie
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I write every day as the sunrises. I’m not a writer but I write and my flow flows as soon as my eyes open.I have a lap top now so I don’t get out of bed but that in itself has somehow changed my flow. I think I need to go downstairs again and use the PC yes sat at my desk upright my flow flows more when upright.
I wonder if writing is about pose and posture if so you’ve got it going on girl.Pose posture active mind articulate words and expression. This is a real painful post in a refreshing postive affluent manner. It has a real sad beautiful energy to it. Its life and love.
Love Di.
Ps. If you had to be one of the actors from friends who would it be. ? Who do you most resemble. I haven’t watched it that often just when friends like it and I’m in the room, I would have to say that I would be Ross.
Love Di. x
PPS. I generally find that I write what I need to say as an urm ! I have to use the word person here coz I’m no writer but I generally get out what I need to for me. The wind stealers has been on my mind all weekend with so many thoughts.
Love Di.
Thanks for sharing this painful piece of writing again Annie.
Hey Di,
Well thanks for always speaking from your heart when you comment, because you do. I don’t think I’ve ever met a more candid person in my life and that I find refreshing.
Hmm, what Friends character am I? Definitely Phoebe. No question. I’m just kind of floopy. 😉
Annie
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