A Word About Comments

blog comments

We bloggers sure do love them, don’t we? I mean, let’s be honest, we don’t write our blogs to be ignored, we do want people to read what we have to say and we really want them to comment. However, not all comments are created equally.

I’ve been blogging a long time and those of you who know me, know that I rarely edit comments, much less delete them. That in fact, I encourage people to debate and even disagree with me. I enjoy debating and I will if I feel there is an honest debate being offered. Usually this is not a situation or problem.

But just so it’s on the record, here is where I draw the line: I won’t tolerate rudeness, out and out flaming or spamming and I prefer that commenters not put more than one link in any comment – particularly if it’s linking to their blogs because it makes me feel more like I am being an advertising venue for them than they are actually trying to contribute to the discussion. If the commenter feels the links are pertinent to the discussion and wants to add more than one link to their comments, they are free to email me and check to see if it’s okay. Believe me, if I think a link is pertinent I’ll be happy to link to you. Because again, any of you who know me, know that I have and do freely link to others’ posts and always have. It’s just the approach that makes the difference.

Bottom line is, I think it’s a matter of manners – you don’t go to someone’s house and put a billboard in their front yard advertising your business, right? In my mind, it’s the same thing – you don’t go to someone else’s blog to advertise your posts, you use your own blog for that. If your posts are good and pertinent, people will link to them usually without hesitation – so why force the issue?

Maybe some will disagree with me on this, and that’s fine – if you don’t like it, you don’t have to read or come back. But that is my policy and will remain so. If you want me to link to you, just ask – chances are I will say yes. I just like to be asked first. And that’s about it.

Thanks for reading.


8 thoughts on “A Word About Comments

  1. Ooh i agree with everything you say….but you know if i am likely to disagree i will generally do it politely or will voice my feelings with concern. Although recently i got burned when i expressed my concern about a mother of adult kids who left their father after some years recently….28 or so years of misery in the marriage. Anyway the mum needed some support after telling us in a post that her son had said such things that made her cry all night. I stupidly did a trying to cheer her up type comment…..you know …stupid little shit should appreciate all you have done for him etc! In similar words! Anyway he read the post and savaged me…..fuck you, you bitch etc etc … mind your own fucking business. She neglected to tell her readers that her estranged family read her blog. And then she told me she had a boyfriend..that is why he was so upset when she left…so here i was without the full picture as is usually the case in these moments online…and i upset the poor kid! She was not honest with her readers…or her family by the sound of it…. and I paid the price for it! Yes she left it up too…made her look really hard done by to have her son savaging a commenter!

    The other thing I have learned the hard way is that not everyone who says they love free speech mean it ….it is free speech often only if it is speech they agree with …and they often quote about it being their blog and they will do as the fucking well like on it! Case in point often being blog posts about autism or abortion…..you must agree with the viewpoint of the author or face the consequences!

    I do love a bit of debate but think it has to be restrained…ie by time…if it is another’s blog and there is something i really disagree with now i will wait before i say anything….just to make sure i am not writing out of pure reaction…or get the wrong end of the stick….and I have stopped wading in to support fellow bloggers who are savaged…..have had enough of that in my time and it is just not worth it. Looks like that would not be a problem here though!

    Am so glad cj told me you had moved …..not left blogging altogether!

    Hey Kathleen,
    Sounds like you really got suckered into this woman’s sick game. Unfortunately, some people use the internet to manipulate others into taking the heat for them. Even if what son said was true – why was he unleashing all that on you and not his mother?

    Yes, there are the free speech (only for me) advocates out there too. While I absolutely advocate free speech (political dissension) in the world at large – I must say I do with some reservation on my own blog. I honestly don’t feel anybody has the right to say or do anything they please on my blog – because sometimes it’s just ugly and mean and no, I won’t extend free speech rights to that. And on one occasion I greatly edited a commented that trashed Bush – but mostly because I just didn’t want to deal with it that day – on another day I might have let it stand. The blogger – a bit of a buddy of mine was pissed but we worked it out. So, maybe I’m somewhere in the middle there.

    I will come to support a fellow blogger if they are being savaged but tend not to get in the middle of fights amongst bloggers – a slight distinction perhaps – but one that I think is wise. People get over their snits and make up later down the line. If you choose sides in one of those you could end up clobbering yourself in the long run.

    Anyway, glad you’re glad that I’m still blogging. Me too. Just needed a change of venue, you know?



  2. Oh, I am so with you. Bloggers generally are pretty supportive of each other, freely linking and sharing the love…why do some people have to push the line? Very annoying.

    I don’t know, J – maybe they didn’t get enough attention as children? Hard to say. But it’s not a bad idea to just revisit your own policies from time to time. You know?


  3. The only comments deleted from my blog were deleted because i deleted the post. i once had my comments- polite, but in disagreement- on another blogger’s post edited and made to look like i was calling names. Then did her reply as we do- bold- and said things so mean and nasty, i actually cried over it.

    If folks would go to their profile info, there is some field to fill out with one’s url, so that the name next to their reply is a link to their blog and folks who are piqued by so-n-so’s comment can click it and visit.

    Anyway it goes, it’s your blog and your rules. And there is no need for you, or anyone, to tolerate the rudeness of others. If they don’t like your rules, then they can just hit the bricks. That’s what i did with that one blog and i’ve not ever been back.

    Hey Chica,
    Yeah, I don’t like that when a blogger edits comments in that way. It’s not fair and the commenter has no recourse. I try not to edit comments at all, and if I do, it’s usually only to remove links or maybe remove some profanity – but again, it’s rare.

    I don’t blame you for not going back to that blog – I wouldn’t either. Sometimes people really suck.


  4. Hi Annie,

    I’ve hurt people with my comments or been made to feel that way when all’s I’ve done is cared. Its a bit upsetting when that happens. I don’t get many comments so I get very excited when I do. As for a debate I’m always up for one if I know what I’m talking about. I get what your saying here. I love commenting not that I do that too often either but am going to start to, I learn more about myself sometimes with my comments than my posts. Its learning every day for Di.
    Love in Comments & You
    Di. x

    Hey Di,
    Yeah, I know what you mean about that. Sometimes the comment making clarifies your point of view more than the post. It’s interesting how that works. I always like your comments – they make me smile.



  5. I’m smiling here as I rectify something I said. I said ‘ I don’t make many comments’ Hehe !! I ment on other blogs. I make comments on most of your posts because I’m intrested in you. I love commenting here,its refreshing.I’m also trying to find other people to be intrested in too so I quess I better go and get out there blog surfing.
    I remember once some guy from Hawaii was having a ‘go’ at you and I was very rude to him and used a few swear words on your blog. I gave myself such a hard time about that but learnt that I can indeed be involved in debates and disagrements but theres a way to be – not rude – not aggressive – not swearing – but to be polite and cool and assertive. I must admit though Annieo I do enjoy reading you getting your point across to people who have pissed you off. Your always so…… I don’t know what word to use. So polite with not taking any shit. Whats the word ?
    Yes its funny how the comment thingy semms to work isn’t.I like reading your comments when we have had debates.
    Love and smiles

    PS. You do know I sleep write don’t you. 🙂

    Oh you sleep write, do you. Well that explains a lot. 😉

    I don’t know if I’m nice when people have pissed me off. I try not to be nasty but sometimes I”m not sure I make it. Yes, you should surf more and comment more. I’m sure other bloggers would be as delighted to see your comments as I am. 🙂


  6. ooh i wish di had her link up to her blog…she and everyone here sounds so interesting!

    that is a sign of a well written post annie…the discussion does clarofy things i feel i the mind of the commenters

    well done annie!

    Hey Kathleen,
    Di’s link is on my blogroll, I believe it’s under “wonderful di” She does write some interesting posts and please do visit her – she’s a wonderful lady.

    Don’t know if this was a well written post but it’s probably a hot topic for some. I guess we’ve all been there in one way or the other – those times when it’s just between a rock and hard place and neither choice is really palatible.



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