Ten Headlines I Don’t Want to See on Drudge

If you’re like me, one of your guilty pleasures is hitting the Drudge website a couple of times of day to see the latest and greatest headlines. Some of us are even addicted enough that if we don’t get our Drudge fix on a daily basis we get all jittery and floopy.

However, over the last couple of years some of headlines have bordered on the ridiculous. Perhaps it’s the constant, non-stop news cycle but it seems that Drudge is a little hard up for titillating headlines and opts for anything that might get anyone’s attention. A little disappointing for me, since it used to be that Drudge was a true source of inspiration for blog posts and commentary.

So Matt, if you’re reading, following are some headlines I’m really hoping you aren’t considering:

1. Old People Still Do It and Here’s How…(Seriously Jane, haven’t we learned enough about what goes on in your sick little mind?)
2. The Top Ten Airport Scanner Naked Images (Haven’t we seen enough anonymous individual’s junk yet?)
3. Joe Biden Proven to Actually Have an IQ (Found during full body scan)
4. Oprah Has Lap Band Surgery Live on her Show (The woman has no shame and will go to any length to celebrate victim hood and we should stop enabling her.)
5. The First Couple Kisses Under the White House Mistletoe (Caution: Tongue Involved)
6. Live! Mel Gibson Drunken Psycho Video (We get it, he’s a bigot and people are making him pay for it.)
7. Charlie Sheen on the Set of Girls Gone Wild (We get it. he’s a misogynistic horn dog.)
8. Obama Does Extended Pat-Down of Michelle to Show They Aren’t That Bad (Although it might be a nice change to see him groping someone other than the American taxpayers)
9. Nancy Pelosi to Play Santa in Annual San Francisco Christmas Parade (She’s already scary enough, no need to terrorize children too.)
10. Anything with the word shock in it. (Practically every day we see the word shock and frankly the word shock is losing its shock value.)

Ten Headlines I’d like to see on Drudge

Conversely, the following are headlines I’d probably love to see on Drudge. Although I won’t hold my breath…

1. Al Gore slapped with carbon fines for excessive flatulence. (Cows aren’t the only ones who stink up the environment.)
2. David Letterman tell all memoir reveals he knows he is not funny. (If he would just admit and join a program…)
3. TSA Finally Decides to use Criminal Profiling to Ferret out Terrorists. (I know, I know, a government agency doing something that makes sense, truly a  pipe dream.)
4. Full Body Scanners Removed from Airports and Relocated to Border Crossings.  (Finally, some real bang for our buck.)
5. We Don’t Care Who Won Dancing With the Stars.  (No, really we don’t.)
6. Unions Deemed Unconstitutional by Supreme Court.  (Oh well, there goes the Democrat majorities.)
7. California Demands a Recall of Governor Jerry Brown.  (You think I’m kidding but I’m not.)
8. American Farmers no Longer Paid Not to Grow Crops. (What a novel idea.)
9. Government Memo Instructs all Government Employees to Pay Back Taxes or Lose Their Jobs. (Equality is what I’m talking about.)
10. Nobel Committee Recalls Obama’s Award. (What we thought was going to happen didn’t, so we changed our mind.)

Bonus headline:

Government deems no business too big to fail. (That’s what I’m talking about!)
How about you? What headlines do you or don’t you want to see? Feel free to add to the list.


copyright 2010

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