There is an old adage that says, ‘to err is human, to forgive, divine.’ I have to be honest that I never truly understood those words in any profound way. My logical mind explained it to me, but my heart wasn’t buying it.

How can you forgive someone who has truly hurt you? Still, advice abounds about the benefit of forgiveness. Not just for the trespasser but for the trespassed. The benefits for the tresspasser are obvious I think but for the trespassed perhaps a little harder to see. When you are looking at something from the inside out, it is hard to see clearly and all those bad feelings obscure the vision even more. You may even want to forgive but just trying to get past the hurt feelings are the challenge of the century.

Admittedly, this is where I hang up. Not so much in the fact of what happened so much as why did it happen? Why did that person do that? Why did they say that? Why did I deserve that? What did I do? You see, how very tangled it can get and quickly too.

Now, often after time has passed and the hurt is either healed, faded or just plain gone it might be easier to see things. Have some perspective, I know that’s certainly true for me. But there are some instances where the need to know why just doesn’t go away. Not knowing seems to just perpetuate the whole vicious cycle. But of late, I’ve started to think that maybe there just isn’t a why. At least not one that would impart any profound understanding. Maybe the reason is simply – because. Because it was just what came out at the time. Because that person is just that way. Or any number of truly insignificant because reasons. And I’ve even begun (in my case) to think that in the majority of cases it probably had little to do with me, that it wasn’t so much personal as it was just the way that person is.

That’s another thing. I don’t know about you but I sometimes have a hard time accepting that people really just who they seem to be. Perhaps it is because I am a writer or a romantic optimist but I tend to imbue people with traits and qualities they probably don’t have. Then I get disappointed when I discover that they really don’t have them. Does that make sense? As another old saying goes, ‘a tiger can’t change his stripes’…or something like that.

Anyway…I have decided that I forgive everybody for everything. Every real or imagined slight or upset. Every hurtful word or action, again, real or imagined. I don’t want to lug any more grudges along with me, it’s hard on my back and so very exhausting. And believe me I know that just saying it doesn’t make it so. You have to mean it and you have to believe it and I know that will take some work. But I am determined to let go of whatever bad feelings I have whether justified or unjustified – I guess it will be my new project, maybe for the year or the next few months or weeks. I will do all that I can to forgive and let go. To recapture that energy and do something good and positive with it. And it will be my Christmas gift to myself. The gift of peace of mind and an open heart.

We all have so much to feel bad about these days and it would be so very easy to roll with it. We don’t have enough money or work, enough love or understanding, enough time or patience. Our government, our bosses, our families are driving us crazy and have you seen the price of gas? What are we to do? Forgive. Forgive them all. Let it go. Easier said than done but just imagine if you could stop having to feel resentful, angry and hurt how good that would feel. And what wonderful things might just show up in your life if all that bad energy was magically transformed into good energy? Imagine. Imagine it and let go, little by little. I know I will.


copyright 2010

2 thoughts on “Forgiveness

  1. For a follower in Christ if you read the “Lord’s Prayer” it says “forgive us our trespass as we forgive those who trespass against us”. That is pretty important, for peace with God and for peace within ourselves.

    For all others forgiveness is important to take back control of our lives. While we are angry at the “other” person for what they did, they literally have control of our lives. I am sure you have heard it all before don’t let them have space in our head especially rent free.

    To answer your question as to the why these things happen…….
    it is all about CONTROL. Controlling and being controlled.

    Forgiveness is an act of our will. The HOW is a process that ends in I STOP FIGHTING, I stop seeking seeking control.

    Hey Squawky,
    Yes, the Lord’s Prayer – exactly. It’s interesting that you say it’s about control. I never thought of it that way and you may be right. Still, as I keep working with this concept I’m coming to believe that maybe the why just isn’t all that important. It’s quite possible one will never know. But I stop fighting and move on to today.

    Luv ya,


  2. Hello Annie love.

    I think the saying is : A leapord can’t change its spots.

    I’ve had to do a lot of work on forgivness over my lifetime as we all have – friends family strangers and myself and I totally understand what you’ve explained here and the reasons given for the benefits of forgivness.

    You spoke about the resentments and the anger and hurt that we cary around with us due to not fully understanding the benefit of forgivness. What I found that helped me was to try to own my part in the situation that warrents addressing. No matter how little or large our part is we always have a part to play. I found if I could be honest with myself around my own flows and charachter defects and admit my part it was easier to forgive others.

    Di always has a part to play and sometimes that part is just as little as how I let others affect me, how I react to others – thats my part.

    Lovely to be here Annieo and to read you. Missed you love but you know what its like somedays with blogs and replying and emails and stuff. I myself go through phases of not reading or writing on our blogs but just to let you know Annieo your always in my heart and I think about you often.

    What a wonderful christmas present to yourself.
    Forgivness is Freedon
    Love Di

    Hey Di!
    LOL – leopards, tigers…it’s one of those beasts. 😉 You’re right, one does have to own whatever part they play in those things. Even if it’s just how we allow that person or situation to affect us. Wise words, my friend.

    Oh, I so know what it’s like when life intervenes and we don’t have time or the inclination to email or blog. Yes, indeed I do. And truly things always change one way or the other. You can’t just keep things the same – just as you can’t keep a child from growing up. That’s just life. Right?

    You’re always in my heart too. Happy Christmas, lovely lady.



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