You might be heading toward brain death if…


Have you ever been in such a mind-numbed state that coming up with a menu for breakfast is a major accomplishment? Yep, that’s me lately. Usually I have so many thoughts and ideas traveling at warp speed between my ears that have to tell the voices to quiet down under threat of a time out. So many plans that my desk is covered with little index cards and post-its with bits of brilliance just waiting to be developed into a story, a post, an article, a poem – many of them unreadable when I get back to them. ‘Let’s see is that an m or an n?’

And the condition seems to come on without notice or preamble. Suddenly you just can’t think, you have no ideas and forget about having a conversation with anyone. However, over the years I have come up with a list of signs that I am heading toward brain death and thought I’d share in the hopes that maybe you can see it coming and do something before total flat line sets in.

You might be heading for brain death if:

1. Somebody hands you money and you say, “No thanks, I’m full.
2. You start nodding in agreement while listening to an Obama speech.
3. You regard your pet dog, cat, goldfish, iguana as one of the smartest people you know.
4. You believe that spending money you don’t have will increase your net worth.
5. You think that walking up a flight of stairs cancels out that slice of death by chocolate cake you just ate.
6. You believe reality shows are real.
7. You religiously post your score for online scrabble on face-book every day.
8. You start to feel ill if you don’t visit face-book and twitter 25 times a day.
9. You go into a panic when you can’t answer your cell phone by the second ring.
10. You think Jon Stewart is a brilliant political commentator.
11. You intend to spend the next two weeks reading every one of Sarah Palin’s emails.
12. You want to see the picture of Wiener’s wiener.
13. You’re concerned about the welfare of Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan or the Kardashians.
14. You feel actual physical pain when you turn off your computer, your television or your cell phone.
15. You turn down a date with a perfectly nice guy because you’re saving yourself for Hugh Jackman.

If these or any similar signs begin to manifest in your life, you may be in serious trouble. You may be able to remedy the situation by taking a walk, having a conversation with a real person in actual English, eating a meal that does not contain food coloring, chemicals and flavor enhancers, or reading a book. Remember a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

WC

Copyright 2011

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3 responses

  1. you made me laugh.. and you just helped me confirm i’m brain dead.. :P

    p.s love your blog .. will be back … :P

    Hi itsmythoughts,
    Glad I made you laugh, cuz that’s what I was going for :lol:

    Hope to see you back soon.

    Writer Chick

  2. Hey, Annie,

    Love this list! I feel especially passionate about #s 2, 8, 10 & 11, and kinda threw up in my mouth when I read # 12 (ewwww!)

    By the way, my cat actually IS one of the smartest people I know :-)

    Hope your brain comes back to life soon so you can go back to sharing all your interesting observations with the rest of us! But until then, have another slice of Death by Chocolate Cake!

    Hugs,
    Debi

    Hey Debs!
    I had a feeling those particular numbers you sited might inspire your passions. Ditto on #12, my sentiments exactly – and yet how many folks do you think actually sought out that photo to ‘see’? Sad commentary methinks.

    Truth be told my dog is one of the smartest people I know too – and even when I’m not brain dead I think so – so maybe I have a bit of permanent crazy but who cares? ;)

    I make a deal with you – you eat the death by chocolate cake and let me know how good it was – then I’ll pretend I ate it thereby avoiding additional cellulite. Sound good? :lol:

    Hugs to you,
    Annie

  3. This is great!! So how many of those apply to you? I never say, “No thanks, I’m full.” :)

    Hey J!
    Most of them apply to me but I have to admit that I’ve yet to ‘get full’ myself. :lol:
    WC

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