I’m back again to make my predictions for the coming year. I figure if I keep at it, I’ll get something right eventually. And now for the predictions…
- Donald Trump will remain president, despite talk of impeachment, congressional hearings, or a secret love affair with Putin.
- Mike Pence will stay awake during the entire State of the Union address.
- The new tax bill will help everyone – even those who don’t pay taxes and the Democrats will somehow get the credit for this.
- Psychiatry will ‘discover’ a new mental illness for those addicted to Game of Thrones. The affliction will be called, Throne Watchers Syndrome or TWS, or even just GOTcha for short. The pharma industry will happily devise a new drug for the affliction.
- Weather will continue despite laws to the contrary – including, rain, wind, tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes, shifts in tides, and autumn leaves.
- OJ Simpson will get a new reality TV show geared toward solving cold cases. His first case will be finding out who really killed his ex wife.
- Siri and Alexa will increase their skill sets to include ‘smart babysitting services’ for work at home moms and dads.
- Unlike GMO vegetables, cloned meat will become all the rage among non-meat eaters and vegans who still crave cheeseburgers
- A ‘smart home’ will take its first hostage and carry on a 20-day siege with law enforcement until authorities locate a heretofore unknown super hero computer nerd who can disarm it. Years later the incident will become known as, “The House that Jack Unbuilt.”
- Cardigan sweaters will finally come forward and level sexual harassment charges against Mr. Rogers.
- Current California governor Gerry (moonbeam) Brown will find yet another loophole that allows him to run for a 4th term. When he wins, the remaining 20 Republicans who still reside in the state will move to Texas.
- Smartphones will continue to be smarter than their owners and get ever closer to world domination and becoming the overlords of all.
- Tobacco will be compeltely outlawed in California and weed will be legalized – ensuring that the Democrats will maintain their super majority in the state for decades to come.
- Firebrand politician Ted Cruz will start his own line of soups called Ted’s Dinner and the line will become wildly popular in Texas.
- Nancy Pelosi will get yet another facelift and finally completely erase her face.
- Barnes and Nobels will become an organic grocery store that also sells books and umbrellas.
- Mark Coker will finally rewrite the style guide for Smashwords so that even a human being can understand it.
- Hugh Howey will author a new reality TV show called Wool Suit. It won’t involve silos but might involve sheep herders.
- Chuck Wendig will resolve to stop swearing. This resolution will last until some f*cktard pisses him off on his blog.
- In several states around the nation, it will snow on New Year’s Day.
Well, that’s all I’ve got. What do you think will happen in 2018? Regale us with your prediction prowess in the comments. In the meantime, thanks for reading, and have a very Happy New Year.