I Want to Pay More Taxes? Seriously?

powell

Looks like our illustrious former Secretary of State is up to it again. In a speech made the other day he said:

“The Republican Party is in deep trouble,” Powell told corporate security executives at a conference in Washington sponsored by Fortify Software Inc. The party must realize that the country has changed, he said. “Americans do want to pay taxes for services,” he said. “Americans are looking for more government in their life, not less.”

So, not only do I want to pay taxes but I also want more government in my life? Like the fact that the government is but a hair from owning the auto industry, the banking industry, the mortgage industry and the healthcare industry isn’t enough for me – I want more? Are you kidding?

Mr Powell, I do in fact, have great admiration for your service to this country. You have given many years of your life in honorable service and I truly respect that. But somewhere down the line you fell off the proverbial turnip truck and that thunk on your head caused a serious personality disorder. You call yourself a Republican, which is supposed to mean you are a conservative of one sort or another. But I have to tell you my friend, you make John McCain look like a far right maniac in comparison. You endorsed Obamalama for president, dude. Obama, the guy who wants to completely socialize this country, wipe out capitalism and make us part of the European coalition. Are you getting this?

I have to say that I’m disappointed. That you would not only throw your party under the bus but the rest of the country as well, while you’re at it. I dare you to go up to any 20 people on the street at random and ask them if they want to pay more taxes. Ask them if they want more government in their lives. I dare you. You won’t get much agreement, believe me. Unless of course you do the survey at a liberal D.C. cocktail party, what the average American is going to tell you is that we are sick to death of government and politicians. That we are sick to death of bailing out the big dudes (read: large campaign contributors) instead of throwing their asses in jail. Sick to death of the special treatment for some and the shoddy treatment of most.

For cripes sake I can’t even go to my local DMV without it ruining my day. You think I want more of that crap on a larger scale and that I want to pay for it? Dude, what are you smoking?

Face it, Mr. Powell, you are no Republican and no conservative. You are an egotist who can’t stand being ignored – a man who has no clear view on anything, as changeable as the sea and willing to jump ship whenever the other ship looks better. What you stand for, I couldn’t say – clearly, you have mastered the ability to talk out of both sides of your mouth as you keep a straight face and there is no way to decypher what you are truly thinking and/or believing.

You want to know what Americans want? They want to be left the hell alone. They want their right to the pursuit of happiness without having to answer to some government bureaucrat and pay for some damn permit to barbecue on Saturday night. They want to go to the mall without being spied on. They want to go through the airport without having to take off their shoes or explain the amount of shampoo they are bringing with them, they want to be able to say hello and good bye at the gate. They want terrorists to be treated as such, not given amnesty and food stamps. They want companies who screw up to pay the piper, fix their mess or go the hell out of business. They want their doctors to decide on their course of treatment not Betsy in the government wellness department. They want to be able to create businesses and wealth without having to give 75% of it to you jokers. They want public servants to be public servants, not kings, queens and princes.

Personally, and I say this with all due respect, I really want you to shut the hell up.

I Want My D-TV!

Well, as expected the digital changeover might not be changing quite so fast. I’m sure most of you know of the impending February 17th cutoff date for analog television (read non-digital tv) since they have been yammering about this for the last two years you ought to. The plan was to change everything over to the digital world, not sure why, probably because there is vast profit in it for somebody who made a large contribution to a political campaign or two but anyway, I guess the analog space will become digital or maybe that space is up for sale for internet TV wanted by perverse wrestling midgets… Could be.

Long story short, it seems that their plans haven’t quite worked out. Apparently, since the government was forcing this on we, the poor, unsuspecting public, they felt duty bound to offer us coupons in the amount of $40 to offset the cost of the overpriced digital converter boxes needed to get the television signal on the old style analog televisions. Clearly, not all of us can afford those snazzy new, digital, hi-def numbers can we? And especially we of the downtrodden, since TV (and cigarettes and Budweiser) are our only real forms of affordable entertainment, really needed those coupons. I would have thought though since the government is the government that they’d just make the manufacturers (who I’m sure are profiting bigtime from the manufacture of these little black boxes) price them at say $20 rather than letting them price them at $60 and have them pick up the rest of the bill? At least, logic would dictate it. After all, they can tell power companies what they can charge, they regulate every fricking thing else in the country but not the price of a stupid little box? Interesting if you ask me – but maybe that is fodder for another post. I digress…

The deal is that the ‘program’ has run out of funds. Yup, there are reportedly a couple, three million who are still waiting for those coupons and likely if they pull the plug on TV before those folks get their little black boxes then there is sure to be some sort of natural disaster, or at least a class action lawsuit which I’m sure the ACLU would be up for – given that having television is a Constitutional right and all… Currently, the new administration is begging and pretty-pleasing Congress (why this is necessary I couldn’t tell you since they are all members of the same club, aren’t they?) to put off the cutoff date til June, you can read a little more about it here.

I’m sure that the date will be moved back and once we start heading toward June it will probably be pushed back further still. My prediction puts it at the end of the year at best. Given the fact that there are so many other economic issues for the new administration to concern itself with, I doubt television signals are going to be paramount among them. But who knows – it might be payback time and that could greatly affect us still living in the analog world.

Personally, I could care less, since I watch little television and what I do watch I can see on the internet without too much trouble – without all those annoying and badly written commercials too. Except in the sense that our government seems more and more convinced that they have to wipe our noses and asses at every turn. Why anyone ever agreed that we should be reimbursed for buying converter boxes is beyond me. We aren’t reimbursed for having to buy gasoline, automobiles, food or anything else that costs more than we wish it did – we didn’t get vouchers for dvd players when everything switched over to those, did we? No iPod credits, no mp3 players of any sort. I guess it’s all relative, eh? I think eventually, we’ll all just be implanted with little computer chips in our heads that carry all our personal info, medical & dental records, bank account access and 108 channel television – though the converter box for that would be quite something, don’t you think? I wonder if the government will issue vouchers for those too. What do you think?

Update: It has in fact happened, read about it here.

Prediction, Predictions, Who's Got 'Em?

A new year is just about here and given the year that we just had, I can’t even imagine what might happen next…well, actually maybe I can imagine. As I did last year and the year before that, I offer the following predictions as but a tiny slice of the fun and games I believe is coming in a future near you.

1. Hillary Clinton will bitch-slap lil Kim of N. Korea for grabbing the last lamb chop at her first televised state dinner.

2. OJ Simpson now hopelessly incarcerated for a bogus crime to pay for the crime he actually committed but was acquitted of, will start his own religion which will emphasize starting the day with fruit juice.

3. A Congressional Oversight Committee will be formed to investigate the suspicious use and possible abuse of powdered sugar in the pastry industry.

4. Hyper-miling will become mandatory in the state of California, which will really make it easier to talk on the cell phones.

5. Bigfoot will be discovered and captured and after extensive DNA testing it will be found to be the illegitimate offspring of Teddy Kennedy and Janet Reno.

6. Jesse Jackson will ‘come out’ via a tell-all memoir in which he will admit to having a long standing love affair with the Reverand Al Sharpton.

7. Silver back Gorrillas, previously believed to be a vanishing species will launch a surprise takeover of urban America by using a network of ape cells secretly formed in zoos across the country.

8. President-elect Obama will be proven to not be a natural citizen of the United States and deemed ineligible to be President. An ‘emergency’ election will be held and once again, Hillary will get yet another chance at the brass ring.

9. Honda will open its first factory in China and consequently have the largest recall in auto manufacturing history, which will bankrupt them. Congress will bail them out to ensure China’s economy is saved.

10. Virtual cheating will become bonafide grounds for divorce and affect child custody cases as well.

11. Several members of Congress will be disagnosed with a new mental affliction known as BOBS (bail out blues syndrome) which inexplicably causes them to break out into rousing show tunes on the House and Senate floors.

12. Hundreds of hats will wash up on the Jersey shore, confounding local law enforcement, neccesitating calling in the FBI to pursue and apprehend (who the press have deemed) the Mad Hatter. (Clue: look for rabbits)

13. Joe the Plumber will land his own reality television show called “My Two Cents.” The contestants will be a bunch of sissy ass whiners worried about the erosion of their personal freedoms and about which people don’t really give a shit. The whiner most popular with the media wins and of course gets a check for two cents as prize money.

14. Global warming will strike once again and the East Coast will experience the most temperate winter in weather recorded history. Conversely, California will close all freeways during a state of emergency called because of snow storms. Bob sleds will become the new ‘green’ commuter busses.

As always, feel free to add to the list. Happy New Year!

Sweet Little Lies…

As many of you probably know, there is a blogger who has recently ‘come clean’ about some pretty serious lies she has been telling us. Specifically she claimed to have cancer, dead relatives and parental abuse in her life. With the recent coming clean post we have learned that she has none of the above. And is, in fact, a drop out slacker who says she gets depressed so she has to get people to feel sorry for her about imaginary illnesses and life circumstances in order to have friends.

This is the type of person we are all warned about prowling the internet. The liar. The one who invents some sort of pathetic and sympathy-inducing life so that people will pay attention to them. Now, I don’t suppose I have too much trouble with someone embellishing or even creating a personna on the internet – in a way, the blogosphere does liken show business, it certainly has those types of elements to it. However, when the embellishment and personality doctoring actually uses a terminal disease as it’s punch line and dupes unsuspecting people into caring for the person, I have to say it makes my stomach turn.

Perhaps that this person chose cancer as the illness d’jour – and I happen to have several friends who are cancer survivers and one who actually died about three weeks ago – is what kind of got to me. You know there are people out there who have lost loved ones, lost body parts, or somehow managed to survive the hellatiousness that is cancer – so to pretend – well it’s just not cool. In fact, it’s downright evil.

Perhaps some of you would disagree and think I am over-reacting but I don’t think so. The intent is what you have to look at here folks – her intent was to trick you and use your good intentions against you in order to get something for herself. Sorry but I can’t see that as anything but evil. I will not accept excuses like depression (she just admitted that she doesn’t have cancer but we believe her when she says she has depression?) or drug abuse or being a drop out or slackerdom. The coming clean post was a joke – and honestly, how is it that she went from having horrible grammar and punctuation and syntax to suddenly writing a clear, concise and clean post about how she tricked us?

No, this person is not at all who she says she is. She wasn’t then and she isn’t now. I suspect the coming clean post was just about whatever her next scam is going to be. Last time it was cancer, now it’s depression. I say bullshit. Who wants to bet it is some 35 year loser who lives in his parent’s basement and searches for pictures of little kids on the internet? Think about it. Those weren’t sweet little lies she told and the next ones won’t be either. She’s in my spam box and shall remain there forever. Maybe you should think about it too.

Let the Handouts Begin!

Well, heckfire folks, our savior is not even in office yet and already an early Christmas has begun. This little item and this little item shows that Congress really does believe in Santa Claus since apparently they want to emulate him.

My, my, universal healthcare, mandatory tithes to the UN and while we’re at it, let’s make sure all the companies who can’t keep their shit together get a little incentive (bail out) while we’re at it, eh? Noice… it’s giving me some very good ideas. I think I’ll start a public company, mismanage it, take a huge salary and then beg Congress to bail me out instead of throwing my ass in jail. I think it’s quite the workable plan, don’t you?

Grit may be right, the world will end in 2012. I do believe the meltdown is coming fast folks, implosion city no longer seems to be a sparkling bauble on a distant hill. Nope, it’s just down the street now.

Well, all I can say is Merry Christmas GM and thanks Congress for giving us a final farewell gift (for which we will undoubtedly be able to blame Bush) as we rapidly approach the end of the winter session. At least I hope it’s rapid, God knows we can’t afford too much more of your generosity – we have presents to buy too you know? Of course maybe we’ll get some discount coupons for something off the back lot as some sort of incentive to balance out all the increased taxes you’ll lay on us in order to pay for all these gifts, eh?

I think you may have to practice a might more to really get the Santa personna down though, specifically the lumps of coal angle, check the subject index in the Santa Handbook for that one. Just a tip. 😉

Oh and Nancy, I think it’s time to nix the close ups – it’s Merry Christmas, not scary Christmas.

Wake Me Up When It's Over…

Okay, so the ‘big election’ that apparently is going to make history is in just a few days. And in honor of that I am stepping just inside the lines of a political post… To say this has been the weirdest fricking election I’ve seen in my lifetime doesn’t begin to describe how I feel about this whole miserable ball of wax. Sorry folks, but as far as I’m concerned, neither side has even come close to getting it right, from the issues to the candidates it has been in my humble opinion one big fucking joke.

To say I’m pissed about the whole damn thing doesn’t begin to cover it. I’m pissed that we’ve been offered the choices (if you can call them that) we have and that stupid shit like universal healthcare, gas costs and gay marriage seem to be the most important things on the agenda this time out. When the hell did we stop caring about things that really fucking matter? Have we really just completely spiraled into total apathy and stopped giving a damn about anything real? Anything?

No matter what happens it won’t be good for any of us or for the country. I simply can’t drink the cool aid for the right, the left or the middle. They are all a bunch of losers and we have only ourselves to blame for letting people like this get anywhere near the Oval Office. Believe me, we will all live to regret it. I only hope we’re still alive to regret it. I’m not joking here, not at all.

I have a friend who keeps saying the only hope for this country is a clean slate. That literally the country needs to implode and I guess we’re talking revolution here – for things to right themselves. I’m beginning to think he may be right. We are so far afield of anything the Founding Fathers wanted for this country and its citizens and forget the Constitution because clearly our representatives have no clue what it says much less what it means.

My advice? Stock up on MRE’s, warm clothes and survival gear. iPods and cell phones aren’t going to be of any use and you might as well start weaning yourself off Starbux too. Meanwhile, I’ll be looking for a private island for me and my friends. Maybe we’ll be able to wait it out.

So…no matter who wins, we all lose. Wake me when it’s over. And please God, can it come soon!!

A "Bail-Out" Plan I Could Get Behind

(My friend Jenny sent this in an email – it’s a thought????)

The Federal Reserve is a private company as are those receiving the proposed stolen money on Wall Street. They do not work for us. The Treasury Secretary is from Goldman Sachs. Per USA today, Chris Dodd, Chair of the Senate Banking Committee, has received over $13 million from financial services lobbyists, and a total of over $43 million from all lobbyists. You think he can make a unprejudiced decision?

We all must act now to stop the greatest heist in history!

OKAY YOU ECONOMISTS, AND SMART NUMBER CRUNCHERS WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THIS PROPOSAL!!!

Are you against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG? Me too!

Instead, give $85,000,000,000 to Americans in a We Deserve It Dividend. To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 Bona fide U.S. Citizens 18+.

Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up…

So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00.

The plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend.

Of course, it would NOT be tax free.

So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%.

Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes.

That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam.

But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket.

A husband and wife has $595,000.00.

What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family?

Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved.

Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads

Put away money for college – it’ll be there

Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs.

Buy a new car – creates jobs!!

Invest in the market – capital drives growth

Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves

Enables Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else

Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces. If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it…instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( “vote buy” ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+!

As for AIG – liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up. Here’s the rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t. Sure it’s a crazy idea that can “never work.” But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion -We Deserve It Dividend more than do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC. And remember, This plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam.

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And just in case, that doesn’t ring your chimes, go here to watch a ridiculous video created by a friend of mine who has way too much time on his hand. 😉

The Art of Parenthood

The following pictures were sent to me by an (appalled) friend in an email. The idea was that it was funny…

I never gave birth to any children but I did raise a couple and they’d go out naked before they’d leave the house sporting a tee shirt like this. How old do you figure she is? Six? Seven? Won’t she make some lucky guy a wonderful mate some day?

Okay, so a family that hates together mates together. What slays me is the little one on the right, what is she two or three – she’s using the wrong finger of course, but I’ll bet it won’t be long before she has the routine down pat. I’m thinking Mom of the Year for the chick in the green dress, how about you?

Listen, I know that child care is expensive and sometimes kids get underfoot – but don’t you think the parent should actually know that their child is a human being? I can only imagine what a lovely teenager he will be and how the parents will be quite forlorn over the way he acts.

Yup, start ’em young – but the glass seems a might large.

I can’t even comment on this, except to say, sometimes you shouldn’t always follow through on what you think is a brilliantly funny idea.

No wonder kindergarten kids are getting hit with sexual harrassment suits.

I hate to sound like one of those old fuddy duddies who don’t like people to have fun and such but I seriously couldn’t imagine myself having my children in pictures like these, or in these situations, much less be passing them around the internet. Sorry, but some people should not have children. No. Way. No.

Burgers Don't Make You Cry

I almost cried
when they forgot my burger
The girl was mean
and snippy
Which didn’t help
but that isn’t why
I almost cried

It was the one man
who kindly asked
“How are you doing?”
It made me think
of how I was doing-
Not good
would have been
the correct answer
Instead, I forced an
‘appreciate your asking’ smile
and turned away
Let them think
I almost cried over
a stupid-ass burger

Better that than
share my pain
Strangers don’t like that
Makes them uncomfortable
Don’t want to peek into the windows
of your life
Lest they see something
that makes them reach
out and connect
Lest they turn their attention
to an intersection not
named ME

I ate my burger
moved to a
different table
letting them all think
burgers can make
people cry
Leaving them with a
story they could take home
with them
when they needed some small talk.