What Are People Looking For?

 

Okay, I’ve been a blogging for a few months now and so I thought it was time to take stock of why or how people end up at this blog. I’ve compiled a list of search terms from this week and listed them by category and frequency.

So, the number one reason people come to my blog is for shit. Stupid shit, funny shit, cool shit – doesn’t matter, shit is shit, right?
stupid shit
STUPID PEOPLE DOING STUPID SHIT
stupid shit to do
utterly stupid shit
cool shit jokes
really cool shit
stupid and cool jokes
really random stupid jokes
shit on my shoe jokes
funny shit
coolest shit on the internet
different days the same shit

Number two reason is apparently inspiration that is somehow connected to death. Now there must be something about all that stupid and funny shit going on here that inspires people – or some of my stuff is so depressing that only really depressed people looking for inspiration come here.
“inspirational words” “death”
inspirational words on the death of child
inspirational words of death
inspirational words death of child
inspirational words for a death in the family
inspiring words for family
how does family feels about death of loved one

Number three reason, appears to be famous people or quotes of famous people.
Helen Keller amazes me because
hemingway motivation passages
ernest hemingway
movie about a writer man’s life
mac davis songs lyrics bug
mac davis photos january 2007
hard to be humble when you are

Number four reason is current events. At last someone is actually interested in my opinion of life and the world around us and politics! Yippee!
current events on race/religion
burn in hell saddam
support the troops my watch tonight
who is the miss america of 2007 prediction
predictions botox anyone 2007
picking your presidential candidate 2007
candidate platforms for election 2008

Number five reason is American Idol. And why not?
taylor hicks meet and greet
taylor hicks favorite saying
american idol seattle popeyed man
dancing queen cover american idol
who is going to be the 2008 american idol

Number six reason is fashion advice. Cool!
how to sit in a skirt
what to wear if you have chicken legs
Why does santa wear Red
global warming underwear on line
underwear boy

Number seven is for our heroes the firefighters – God Bless em.
Firemen Prayer
the words to a firemans pray
firemen and angels
firefighter teamwork sayings

Onto reason number eight which is the search for the drama queen. Well yeah, they’ll definitely find some of that here.
drama queen phrases
belly dance drama queen
drama queen blahs
women dramatic scenes

Reason number nine is food and drink – and really what party would be complete without it?
LOTSA PASTA
what to use soup bones in
Julia Childs turkey
chivas

Number ten – living for the moment – heavy thinking mind provoking stuff. Yeah, you’ll notice first it’s the shit then it’s thinking stuff.
“live for the moment” chinese symbols
live for the moment pattern
live for the moment or plan for the future

Number eleven is the stuff I guess that appeals to the bipolar in all of us.
okay to talk to yourself outloud
I talk to myself out loud
people who make up stories and hold conversations

Number twelve the stuff that appeals to the evil creature in all of us – as relates to work of course.
tricks to pull on coworkers
birthday letters for clients
toilet office

Number thirteen is those who seek dating advice or commiseration.
manipulation sayings
when a guy asks you to sleep with him
bad date monologue

Number fourteen is taken up by the worriers amongs us.
are you a worry wart?
WORRY WART
you are a worry wart

Number fifteen seems to be looking for me personally or advice on hair, not sure.
what happened to Bad Hair Day blogger?
cartoon woman with bad hair day

Number sixteen is clearly a mistake.
good wishes thought
good wishes sayings

Number seventeen, I really don’t have a clue about this one – unless it has something to do with reader feedback or I’ve been writing posts in my sleep again.
hysterical mommy stories
“mommy and daddy wrestling”

Number eighteen proves just how sad we all are – to actually search for nothing…wow
Nothing. Nada.
No nothing, nada, zilch, zip

Number nineteen is the ever popular fat ass syndrome. This particular search item has fallen in popularity it was once quite high on the list. I’m sure it will come back in style as bathing suit season approaches.
you know you’re a fatass when
is my 11 yr old fat

Number twenty apparently is an attempt to steal the pictures that I probably stole to post on a blog.
humorous pictures head exploding
the witches prosthetics photos

Number twenty one a search for answers to the weather.
why can’t the sky be red instead of blue
sky

And finally, number twenty two which is all the other shit that people used to find my blog.
mold on a funny bone
embarrass funny mate
embarrass moment
barney more than hugs lyrics funny
morning hatred
misanthropic quotes
different words for ha ha and ho ho
funning sayings about computers
top ten things you can do with ice
wordPress crit group
poems with made-up words
writers of the show Friends
octagerian

So i guess in summary, one can only conclude that for the most part people look for my blog when they are looking for shit.

WC

The Blog Gods Are Angry!#$%@&*!

First of all let me just say this is all Bill Gates’ fault! The dawg!

Okay, I’ve been blogging for a little while now- I think I’ve learned the ropes more or less. Know how not to crash my hard-drive, or blow up my computer, can’t write code but sort kinda know what it is, right? Right. Got a photobucket account, just like my mentor told me to – learned how to download pics so they don’t look like you’ve just had a hit of acid or something. Can tag surf, check my comments, response to readers in bold, add links and blah, blah, blah. Right?

So suffice to say that given the glorious ease that WordPress gives you in blogging – I can function within the normal confines of blogging. I’m not a blackbelt or anything – but I know my way around the ol’ blogosphere. And yet….

In my adventures as a blogger I have had to actually shut down a blog and reopen it under a different name because one day I just couldn’t add categories to my posts. For you layman out there, those are ‘tags’ ‘keywords’ that people use to find subject matter on the net. I tried and tried. But there was clearly no way to trick the system – even tech support was baffled. So – okay, no big deal transfer the blog over and start again.

Then I’ve had posts just disappear. Now you see it now you don’t. Again, some sort of glitch in the cyber universe, as I’ve commiserated with others whose posts have vaporized as well.

I’ve had code that simply refused to be deleted and finally won because after two hours you just say uncle. Which resulted in half the post being in one font and the other half in another.

I’ve had regular readers end up in the spam box, rather than having their comments posted and spammers doing pingbacks, making nonsequitor posts and happily running down the halls, spraying graffitti everywhere.

Not long ago, I added a bright new blogger to my blogroll. He’s bright, funny and a pleasure to read. And I thought, what the heck, I like this guy and I’m linking him. No problem, right? Well the weird thing is that whenever I click on the link I get redirected to some weird admin link and one of those insipid messages that says basically ‘screw you, you’re not getting in.’ I’ve recently discovered that if I’m logged out I can sometimes actually access his page. Sigh. So, I’m trying Chris.

Then today – well I had this cute little post all set up about snow in L.A. and a great little vid to go with it. But nope, wasn’t going to happen. The last two hours have been chewed up trying to make it work and it just goes into download hell and never arrives.

Poor tech support, I’ve emailed them so much lately that surely I’m in their permanent spam list – and pain in the ass file. And who could blame them? I feel like that little old lady who is always bringing stuff back to the store insisting it doesn’t work but of course it works for everyone else.

So, now I’m sure of it. It is simply the Great Blog Gods in the sky. They are pissed at me. They are making me pay. They got an email from Bill Gates telling them I refuse to download yet another version of his piece-of-shit IE browser and they are conspiring against me. They’re all up there smoking cigars, counting their money, drinking beers and laughing their asses off. Trying to figure out how else they can screw with me. The rat bastards!

Well, I will not relent! I will not download that hideous browser. They can torment me all they like. I still refuse to be herded like cows into their mindless one-world order composed of all of those who must obey! (Can you hear the trumpets now?)

Give me liberty or screw you! I have not yet begun to bitch! I will prevail!

Phew…I feel better now. Have a nice day. 😉

WC

Time To Embarrass Mom…

Sorry folks, I just couldn’t resist – it was too funny not to post. In fact, believe it or not, it reminds me of a real life story from my childhood and it goes like this…

One winter morning (I was about 13) my little brother, CE was outside with his buddy Jimmy playing war. No big deal because he was always outside playing with Jimmy no matter the weather, much as you would expect of an 8 year old.

My bedroom was in the back of the house and had a back door, with a window, that led out to the back yard. Mom and I were in my room chatting about something or another and for some reason Mom looked out side. All the color drained from her face and see ran to the door and pulled it open. She screamed for my brother to come in immediately.

I had no idea what was going on or why my mother was so non-plussed but was quite intrigued. My little brother hurried inside and said, ‘What’s the matter?’

I almost died. Around his head he had wrapped a kotex, which he also colored with ketchup or something red and I suppose he was make believing it was a head bandage or something, given that he was playing war.

I had to keep digging my nails in my closed hand to keep from laughing out loud. So it went like this:

Mom: What is that on your head?

CE: It’s a bandage.

Mom: Where did you get it?

CE: (pointing to me) Her closet.

Mom: Take that off right now!

CE: Why?

Mom: Because I said so!

CE: Oh man!

Mom: Right now, young man!

He took it off and handed it to her and she almost passed out.

Me: What’s that red stuff?

CE: Ketchup.

That was it, I fell over laughing and even Ma joined in. We couldn’t even speak much less answer all of my brother’s demands to know what was so funny.

Nothing like making the most of what you’ve got, eh?

Life is funny sometimes, doncha think?

WC

Live for the Moment?

 

Remember when you were a little kid and you were so full of plans you could barely sit still? You could hardly gulp down your dinner you were so looking forward to running across the street to play with your pal Suzie or Joe? How you fell asleep dreaming of being a superhero, the Lone Ranger, Wonder Woman or maybe even Richard Simmons? 😉 You just couldn’t wait to get to tomorrow.

Then what happened? You grew up, right? Suddenly you were living for today. You couldn’t bear thinking past the here and now. Too many things could go wrong, the job sucks, you’re not doing what you want to do, you’re not living your dream…maybe you don’t even think about your dreams that much anymore. And maybe even your dreams have diminished – you no longer dream of making the world your oyster – you’d be happy if you were a couple of payments ahead on the mortgage and if you could go a whole month without car trouble. Sound familiar?

Living life takes so much time and trouble, there is little room for the dreams big or small. You’re stuck. You’re here and that’s pretty much all you can deal with. And maybe you don’t mind too much – you’ve grown up now – the dreams well…they were kidstuff – not realistic – a lot of trouble for too little return. You’ve found a comfortable spot in the present and now take that familiar ride day in and day out.

But you know…I think that’s what’s wrong with most of us. Why we’re so damned tired at the end of the day. Why life’s ups and downs drive us nuts. We’re stuck in the present. We’re neurotic. We obsess, we worry, we fret, we bitch, moan and complain. There isn’t enough time in the day, enough days in the week, enough weeks in the month, enough months in the year to really get to anything done that hasn’t posed itself as some sort of daily emergency.

Tune ups, parent-teacher meetings, grocery shopping, meal cooking, child care, laundry, dental appointments and more eat up the day and keep us stuck. In our heads, in our lists, in our never-ending tedious day to day lives. There’s just nothing left at the end of the day.

But I don’t think it’s supposed to be that way. Seriously, when you think about it, isn’t life really about the future? Isn’t it about the plans we make to conquer this or that? Own this or that? Master this or that? Be this or that? Even if you break it down – why are you working today if not to at least put food on the table tomorrow? Why are you getting up today if you aren’t planning to go from point A to point B as the day progresses? You eat so you’ll be alive tomorrow, you exercise so you can fit into that pair of jeans tomorrow or next week or next month, yes? I think you do. I think you have to. I think that if one doesn’t have the purpose of creating tomorrow there is no today or maybe there is only today.

 So I have to disagree with all those nifty greeting cards and posters and cardboard characters in movies that laud the philosophy of living for the moment – live for today – carpe diem and all that crap. If you live for the moment then what happens to you when the moment has passed? Ah…right you go on to the next moment – and that is the future, isn’t it?

By and large, I think that’s what’s been bugging me lately. I’ve been so stuck in the here and now that thinking about tomorrow hasn’t even been an option. So worried about this thing or that thing that even thinking got to be too painful. It’s just been all about getting through the day or the moment. Making it through with minimal damage, injury and disaster. And frankly, that ain’t no way to live – I think it’s a trap. I think that there are people out there who want to convince you and me that living for the moment is all we get. All we’re entitled to.

Now why would someone want that, you’d probably ask. Good question. Simple answer could be power. There are people in the world who want to control things, people, events. Some do it on a grand scale and some on a small scale but they do it. The boss that is hypercritical until you are so apathetic and co-dependent that thinking an original thought much less saying it out loud never happens anymore. The nagging spouse who thinks every creative thing you want to do is stupid or crazy. The friend who tells you to get a grip when you voice one of your whacky ideas. Yeah, they all want you to live in the moment – they want you to stay stuck in each and every moment – because if you don’t why hell you might actually create something – might actually cause some effect on the world. Which of course might give you some control of your own life.

I admit it’s not easy to live for the future. It’s hard work to battle all the resistance and inertia that abounds all around you. Just think back on last week during the ‘holiday’ did you try to get something done? Did it feel like you were dancing in peanut butter? There you go. It’s tough – people get grumpy – you get grumpy but you have to do it. If you don’t the future, just happens to you and when that happens it’s never a future of your making – it is the future that has been made for you.

Personally, I prefer to make my own. So, I’m going to give that a whirl. I’ll probably fall flat on my face because between you and me I’ve been at this a long time – but if I’m going to fall flat on my face I want to be the one who put me there. Wish me luck.

WC