It could be worse – I could have writer’s block…

33 DAYS AGO, I QUIT SMOKING…

In the interest of full disclosure, I have quit smoking many times before. However, this time seems different. Mostly because I want this time to stick. I don’t want to start smoking again.

Ostensibly, I quit because the cost of cigarettes in CA has gotten so high that it’s an insult to pay the price of a meal for a pack of cigarettes. And don’t get me started about all those do-gooders who vote for raising the taxes on cigarettes and similar items – thinking they are so right and we who indulge are so wrong. Because one day, they’ll have to leverage taxes on something they really love like, I don’t know, weed? Frappucino’s? Vapes? Anyway….

And because I really am committed about quitting I have had an interesting 33 days. Going through withdrawal (and let’s be honest nicotine is a drug and quitting is withdrawal) has produced some weird effects, like:

My right foot and ankle swell up over the course of the day. So badly sometimes it appears I don’t have an ankle, just a block of wood at the end of my leg. Oddly, it all goes away over night.

I feel a little drunk – not quite focused, a bit dizzy and a little loopy

I’m muttering more than usual

Food doesn’t taste amazing (like so many claim upon quitting), in fact, it hardly tastes at all.

It takes me five times longer to do anything. Walk to the corner. Make a sandwich. Edit a paragraph. Things that typically I can do quickly without effort, are now Herculean tasks.

Life seems empty. Like totally. Like completely black.

Blank moments. Not sure what I’m doing during them, probably because I go blank?

I fear substitute smoking products. Vaping equipment, eCigs, patches, gums, lozenges – anything that contains nicotine or mimics smoking gives me the shudders. (Lest I start smoking again).

Junk food is my new cigarette. In order to fight the cravings I’ve given myself permission to eat whatever I want in any quantity of my choosing. Consequently, I have stocked up on chips, chocolate, pastries, and candy. Oh and ice cream. Yes, so being super obese is more healthy than smoking, right?

I’m not sure that writing about my trials and tribulations of getting the nicotine monkey off my back is really helping – me or anyone else. However, maybe it is.

And I want to thank both online and offline friends who have supported me in this goal – your encouragement has made a huge difference. ❤

How about you? Have you quit smoking? Did it stick or did you have to try several times before you succeeded? What’s the weirdest thing that happened to you during cigarette withdrawal? Tell me all your smoking stories in the comments.

Annie (who is not smoking but would like to be)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Turkey Day and it’s been a turkey of a day

I hope we’re all having a nice day with way too much food and never enough family and friends around us.

That said, I woke up this morning to a computer that said it would not comply with my wishes to work. After trying to coax it and a lot of begging and pleading, I dragged my old PC out of the closet and am using that. Can you say flash to the past? I forgot how slow the thing was. Oy. Computer fixer upper coming Monday.

In the meantime, I’m chiseling my words on stone tablet with sharp stick. Gotta watch the splinters.

Have a great holiday everybody.

Annie

Ten Things to Remember About Black Friday

Ah Black Friday, the kick off to the holiday shopping season. Don’t you love it? Actually, I don’t. Just the crazy videos of brawling over cheap goods in Walmart, that populate Facebook are enough to make you stay home with a good book.

But there are many who thrive on a challenge and live for the deal. So before you head out for your big shopping adventure you might want to keep the following in mind:

1. No TV, smart phone, or appliance is worth being beaten up or arrested over.

2. Tomorrow or next week that item will be on sale again or is on sale somewhere else.

3. Cyber Monday is less risky, you don’t have to camp outside a store and you can shop in your pajamas while sipping your favorite coffee drink.

4. Two things can’t occupy the same space at the same time, so breathing down the neck of the person ahead of you in line won’t put you in front of them (or win you any friends).

5. Is that parking space really worth fighting over (or dying over?).

6. If you’re really determined to stand on-line outside a store all night, leave your children at home. It’s better that your child be disappointed than crushed or trampled by an over-tired, anxious, greedy crowd of bargain hunters.

7. The best deals are on Christmas Eve. Retailers will blow out stock by as much as 75% – and most people are home trimming the tree.

8. If the store has sold out of the item you came for, accept it. Arguing with a store clerk, the manager or the customer who snagged the last one will not magically produce the item for you. (And chances are another store has it anyway.)

9. Dress appropriately, have a full tank of gas and eat before you leave. It’s the biggest shopping day of the year, so traffic will be heavy, parking spaces will be at a premium, you may have to stand in long lines and every local eatery will be jammed. Taking care of the basics will help keep you from becoming anxious.

10. Be safe, be smart and don’t take your frustration out on your fellow shoppers. In your quest to get the deal, remember that everybody else in the store is after the deal too. Tempers can flair, hostility can erupt and you could become an unwitting victim. No physical object is worth endangering yourself or your loved ones. Ever.

 

 

If you have any tips, tricks, or sage advice, feel free to leave them in the comments.

Writer Chick
Copyright 2014

Users, Abusers & Losers

I don’t know about you, but I’ve had a few notable “users” in my journey through life. They are very wiley creatures and often hard to spot. Mainly because they have the ‘dodge’ down pat.

Some of them are so good that it seems no matter what they do to you (or others) they always receive forgiveness. Only to do it all again. And again. Because you see, they have perfected the ability to use your good intentions against you.

My most notable user was a woman, let’s call her A, okay? We met while working in the same restaurant and the woman was absolutely mystifying to me. She had a certain charm and wisdom about her that drew people to her and I was one of them and soon became one of her disciples. Spitting out chunks of her philosophy at everyone else in my life. Alienating several real friends, who, thank God, later forgave me my insanity.

This particular connection was years long and there were several attempts on my part to break away. Crazy as it may sound, I felt powerless to remove her from my life even though I knew I had to, I just couldn’t sever the tie. It was as though, despite all the abuses (such as constant demeanment, selling my possessions, telling others I was untrustworthy, criticisms of my goals, informing me that my dream of being a writer was ridiculous, among others) I feared I would somehow cease to exist if I broke away from her. Co-dependent does not begin to describe this relationship.

The final straw came when I arrived home (we were room mates) to discover that many of my possessions were in the driveway being tagged for sale. While I’d been at work, she took what she thought I didn’t need and was adding those things to her pile of stuff for a garage sale the next day. Something just snapped in me and I saw this woman for what she really was – a self-absorbed, conscienceless creature who would do anything to anyone to feed her need for self-importance. Someone who would never be truly happy unless everyone around her was under her control.

A user and abuser, but in truth a loser because she would never understand, appreciate or experience true friendship and mutual respect.

After that, it was easy to break away and never feel the inclination to reconnect. Although it took years to repair the many bridges I’d burned with others, I was happy to make amends to my real friends and God bless them, for their forgiveness.

And I’m here to tell you, having a person like this in your life can ruin it and you. Life is too short and too wonderful to have this type of person around. And while I’ve encountered a few others of this ilk since then, their shelf life was considerably shorter because I saw them for what they were. Moving them out of my life without a thought, which resulted in the almost instant return of my well being and joy in life.

How about you? Any of these folks in your life? If so, maybe it’s time to clean house.

Mad As Hell

I’ve had it. I’m done. I’m done with petty people and their petty games. I am done with nasty sniping remarks that cut you to the quick. With small minded, insipid, incompetent boobs who think they can run the world when they can’t even run a vcr. I’m done with know it alls who think they have the answer to it all. With people who take credit for the hard work of others and then stab them in the back for being kind to them. I’m done with idiots who don’t have two IQs to put together and if they did would start a forest fire that they would blame on their next door neighbor.

I’m done with jobs that kick you in the teeth whilst embracing all your hard work as their own. With morons who question everyone but themselves. With accusers who never look at or own up to their misdeeds. With slackers and shits. Bitter bitches and lazy asses. Pigs who wouldn’t see their own dirt if they were sleeping in it. Control freaks. Big babies. Natter baskets. Gossip whores. And small minded fucks who should be shot for wasting space on the planet.

Sick of being the nice guy. Of being considerate. Of doing unto others. Of caring when no one else gives a flying fuck. Of trying to do the right thing. Of busting my butt for people who would throw water on me if my hair was on fire. Of saying please and thank you and would you mind? Of thinking that the nice guy can ever win. Of being ignored, disrespected, mistreated, maligned, lied about, analysed, cut up into little pieces and thrown about the room for fun. Of being a pasty and an idiot. Of believing in the basic goodness of others. And telling myself they don’t mean it when they say and do things that make your head explode. Being the doormat, the problem solver, the shit handler, the dumpee of all the dumpable crap that can be found. Of being the giant brain for people too stupid to find their asses with both hands. Of it all. Sick. To. Death. I. Am. Done!!

So…how was your day?

WC

I Want a Do-Over!

This past week at work has been unbelievable. Besides the usual sniping, blind-siding employees  that seek to ruin my life – it seems the whole fricking universe wants to get into the act too.

Okay, Monday was okay and Tuesday started out okay but then – somebody asked me something which I needed to check on the Internet. Ooops. No internet. Crap. Have everybody check their computers to see if they are having the same problem. Yep. We’re all screwed for that. Oh well, life goes on.

A little while later, somebody said the fax wasn’t working. I noticed a message saying the cartridge was low, so I sent someone to go get a new one. Nope, that didn’t fix it. Hmmm.

I called the IT guy we use and told him the problems we were having. Naturally, he insisted in doing one of those ‘let me walk you through it’ things that never work. So, he said he’d come over. He arrived later and checked this and that and nope, we simply did not have an internet connection.Crap.

So then I spend an hour trying to figure out who the provider is because nobody knows. Since we have an Earthlink account which we pay every month, I assumed it was them. After an hour on the phone with them I realize that it probably isn’t them. Is the bookeeper any help? You know, the one who is in charge of such things as vendors – uh..duh…nope. I grab the phone bill and discover yes, my dear friends at AT&T provide the service. Okay, we go through the whole bullshit routine with them. You know the one, where the Tech guy on the other end of the line just knows it’s a user problem? Sweet. And he’s asking me which line it is – we have 15 lines mind you. And I’m thinking ‘how the hell should I know? they installed it, why can’t they just look it up on the computer?’

Finally the guy figures it out after forcing me to read a 20 page phone bill. Ah yes, it’s the fax line. So, let me get this straight – my dsl is on my fax line and so that then means they are both out, right? Crap! At least I have my backup fax line. Ah…no…that one is out too.

When can they come to fix it? Tonight at 7 p.m. What? We’ll all be gone by then you dope – this is a business, not my house, which should be pretty obvious since I have 15 phone lines, doncha think?

Okay, tomorrow between 9 & 1. It sucks but I can live with it. We just need to hang on until then. Oh by the way, the receptionist just told me the credit card machine doesn’t work either. Okay, call the company. Shit, you need an internet connection for that too? And guess what? Most of our transactions are on credit cards. So now the receptionist is writing down numbers and other pertinent info so she can run the charges the next day.

So, Wednesday I call up the company to get an update and make sure they are really coming. Guess what? The tech guy tells me that it’s actually a bigger problem and my repair ticket has been canceled because it’s actually a whole grid that is out and it will take days. Days! Probably not til Monday.

So, long story short – we spent the rest of the week without internet, faxes or a credit card machine. And I don’t even know if it’s going to be working when I get in this morning.

Oh yeah, and the doc told me she’s going on vacation in two weeks and we’ll just have to reschedule all the patients and make the associates take care of things.

Oh yeah, and the bookeeper actually twigged that if we don’t get things fixed we may not be able to do payroll on Tuesday.

Oh yeah, then there was this crazy patient who had filed some stupid ass complaint and so we had to run around trying to find stuff that we could fax…ah…er…send over to the board, so they would know she is just a nut job who threatened to off herself at the office a couple of months ago.

Oh yeah and the attorney who is (bumbling) handling a legal case of grand larceny for us – is calling me every two minutes from the police station to help him with stuff I gave him months ago.

Yep, a do-over. I deserve one and need one. Or at least have things back to normal. Wish me luck – I just know I’ll need it. Crap!

WC

Let’s All Do The Rant

 

When I was a kid and for much of my adult life, I was shy. I know, nobody ever believes me when I tell them this but it’s still true. In fact, when I was a kid I was just shy of being afraid of my shadow. I hardly ever spoke, certainly not to people outside of my family and my few little friends.

I don’t know why, my family wasn’t particularly quiet or reserved, we didn’t have butlers and grand aunts commanding particular modes of behavior. Perhaps I just preferred to sit back and listen. Make myself invisible and watch, like a spy on a secret mission.

I’m certain it is one of the things that sent me in the direction of writing. Because despite my lack of verbosity (is that a word?), I had thoughts…millions of them, ideas, images, dreams. Yes, they were all there and not being spoken. The blank page became my best confidant and may be still.

As I have lived life, had some experiences good and bad, grown more confident in who I am, all that good stuff, I’ve become much more verbal. Not much of a surprise, eh? And thanks to blogging, I have learned the fine art of ranting. Now, this is not to say that I didn’t rant before I became a blogger, sure I did. But I really didn’t have the technique and discipline down. I was all over the place. I was here and there and every fricking where. Also, my voice would rise higher and higher as I reached the all important point. To be honest, not too impressive.

But…in my little dive of a blog I’ve learned to keep my voice level, make my points, use humor and even anger (sometimes) and even edit to drive my rant home.

But I see other friends/bloggers who are in the place I used to be. Not wanting to say the wrong thing. Somehow tarnishing their image as the nice person or considerate person or the one everyone likes because they are just so very kind. The ones who are just dying to rant. Dying to scream at the top of their lungs. Let out all the complaints, real and imagined. Bitch, moan, harp, cry, whine and drama-queen, without fear of rejection or reprisal.

So, here’s your chance. Want to rant? Yeah? Go for it. Right here. Right now. Whatever is on your mind. I don’t care. I give this space to you, my friends and fellow bloggers. Let her rip. Have a ball. I promise you’ll feel much better afterwards.

WC

Disconnected

So, yesterday started out as a usual Saturday. Errands. Take the car in for an oil change and smog check. Peruse the local bargain shops for bargains. Go home, write, blog, answer emails. You know the drill…

Nothing was really happening, mind wise, couldn’t think of anything to post, tried several ideas and they all sucked. Then just as I was starting to get a good idea, my phone rang. Ah, good it’s the doc, she wants to talk shop. On my day off? Damn! Okay. So we talk and talk and talk and talk. Finally, the conversation comes to an end. Phew – still have some of the afternoon left. But…I have to call Zelda to ask her about something. And we talk and talk and talk.

Back to the post. I started writing it out by hand until I was on a roll and then it was time to fire up the computer and get going. No problem, right?

Okay, so now loading wordpress is taking forever. When I log in it just pops me back to the homepage. I try again. Same thing. Again, same thing. Again (am I a glutton for rejection, ah, yes) same thing. Shit!

I click on my homepage. Nope, that just doesn’t even want to load. Gmail? Maybe, let’s try. Well Google was willing to come up and I even managed to log in but it refused to give me my mail. Tell me something, what is it about a computer connection not cooperating that will make a person sit there for hours and hours and continue to try? I mean, I’m a relatively intelligent person…according to the experts I have a pretty high IQ – yet when it is obvious the ISP is messed up – their servers are down or they are screwing with you somehow – I just keep rebooting and trying again.

I guess it’s like when you tell someone, no – they are just compelled to get you to say, yes. Is that it? It sure must be something like that because I just couldn’t let it go. I had visions of never blogging again because I couldn’t get a connection. I blamed my computer, although Roomie and Zelda were both having the same problems. I checked the news to see if some hideous world event had happened that would cause enormous traffic on the Net.

I turned it off, finally realizing that it wasn’t going to work itself out, at least for the time being. I watched a movie with Roomie, had some dinner, played with the dog. And yet…at 11:30 I just had to check it again. What am I, so sort of masochist? Apparently so, as sadly I discovered it was still a no-go. Hell, I even dreamed about trying and trying and trying.

Some may say I have a problem and they’d be right. Like millions of others I am totally and utterly addicted to the Internet. It is a co-dependency unlike any other because there is no reason on Earth that humans should be so dependent on a thing, an electronic siren that tempts with more time-wasting features ever known to man. Nor should they wear their grumpy pants when it won’t cooperate. And yet….

Happily, my addiction is cooperating today (for now) – the grumpy pants are off and the happy feet are doing their thing. Okay, okay, I know…can anybody say, Get a life?

WC

It’s Official – They Hate Me

 

Okay, so you all know that the new job has been rough from the beginning. But today was the ultimate – one of my staff informed me that they all hate me. Just call me office road kill. Imagine my joy at the news.

Followed by the doctor getting in my face about something, followed by the consultant making fun of me for being upset. I don’t think I’m going to make it there.

 I think I am just the wrong person for the job. I have no one to talk to – and feel like such an outsider there it is just misery.

The worse part of it is – that my blogging has really sucked since I started the job too – which really pisses me off.

I don’t know what I’m going to do – I don’t even know what I can do. Tomorrow I have lunch with the doctor and the consultant – during which I expect them to get on me about whatever – so that will be a meal I won’t be eating.

I never knew I was so unlovable and in fact detestible. Gives one pause, you know? Sorry for the whining but it’s the only thing I can really think about right now.  Can you say, ‘head exploding’?

WC

A Lovely Day In The Neighborhood

 

Okay, so I’m having breffy with Zelda the other day and we’re talking about her dogs…truth be told we’re always talking about her dogs or her cats or her plants. She’s really into the animal kingdom.

Anyway, she decided to take them for a walk the other night which was naturally a bit of a funny disaster. The big dawg (huggy) got away from her to play with a little chihuahua that her Korean neighbors were walking. Apparently there were a few seconds where little chi-chi was flying like a trout on the leash but that’s another story.  So, while big dawg was doing that Lexy (beagle number 1) was just running – anywhere. I guess she ran til she got tired and Zelda found her panting by the side of the road.

Then there is beagle number 2 – a chubby little tri-color who is really a real life version of Deputy Dog. You gotta love him. But he won’t walk. He is afraid of the outside. Literally – no kidding. So Zelda carried him – all 35 lbs of him. You got the picture? Big dawg flailing and going after little chichi like a piece of bait, first beagle just running and Zelda trotting behind carrying second beagle.

So, solution? Dog trainer? Nope? Walk the dogs separately? Nope? Dog Whisperer? Nope. You ready???? She’s getting beagle number 2 a stroller.

Oh yeah, they make strollers for dogs. I can’t wait to see it and I promise I’ll post a picture as soon as I do. Talk about your gullible boomer. Zelda! What are you thinking? 😉

WC