So this week has been bitch and moan week for me. Oh the drama. On the other hand I look simply mahvelous, so I can only conclude that my sad mood has been good for my skin. Think I”m kidding? Nope, and here’s why:
1. You don’t smile – thereby avoiding those pesky laugh lines that leave tracks around your eyes.
2. You’re too sad to talk and it’s impossible to read through your tears, so you sleep. Sleep rejuvenates the body, helps to grow new cells and gets rid of the puffiness around your eyes that you got while you were happy and up all night, managing on 3 hours of sleep.
3. You extend your beauty routine in order to make yourself feel better, so you slough more, moisturize more, give yourself facials and pop for mannies and peddies, again to make yourself feel better.
4. People leave you alone lest they have to console you or something, which gives you space, which gives you peace, which gives your skin a very dewy look.
5. Because you feel like crap you are spurned to ‘cleanse’ the body, therefore you begin drinking water with slices of lemon, swap coffee for herbal tea and nibble on salad because you have no appetite.
6. Because people are leaving you alone and it’s too much of a chore to read or do anything you dig out all of your chick flicks and watch them non-stop. You thereby expose yourself to an over-supply of romance, happy endings and things turning out right (instead of how they really turn out) – this quickens your pulse, thereby increasing the blood flow and circulation which equals a rosy complexion.
7. You call all your girlfriends, many of whom you haven’t spoken to in months, the console, commiserate and help to really pump up your self-esteem. Again, this quickens the pulse, increases the blood flow, gives you back your swagger and does wonders for those fine lines.
8. Because you are railing against that which is making you sad, you decide you must change everything about your life. You throw away all your clothes (except for the really nice designer items, good shoes and bags) which necessitates a huge shopping binge. Since you are depressed you don’t care that you are putting it all on your credit card and nothing makes your skin wake up like a new wardrobe.
9. Since you’ve already dropped a wad of credit on a new wardrobe, you feel that you must take the makeover to completion, so you go to the most expensive salon in town and get a brand new edgy cut and color, while wearing your new clothes and walk out feeling like a super model. Definitely good for the skin. Are you feeling all rosy and glowy yet?
10. And to top it all off you make an appointment with that hunky massage dude Sven, who is a golden god with rippling muscles and during your hour and a half massage you have the best fantasy you’ve had in years and you’re rosy from head to toe.
See, I’m telling you feeling bad has it’s upside. 😉
Note: This is satire, I am not making fun of people with real depression, I am making fun of myself. In case you were wondering.