What Not to Blog About

We’ve all seen it, those embarrassing and sometimes even icky posts on blogs that make us turn away or in some cases, run screaming from our computers. While the world of blogging seems to have limitless bounds – sometimes, without even looking for a boundry you find it, often being smacked in the head with it.

I offer the follow list of topics you may want to avoid blogging about:

1. Detailed complaints about family members or friends who know you have a blog. Now the fact that they are your friends and family probably means you shouldn’t complain about them in a perfect world – however, we all sometimes need to vent. But doing lengthy blog posts about people who know your url is not wise for your reputation or your health. Unless of course, you like being hit with a frying pan in the noggin or being the topic of the family newsletter (and not in a good way).

2. Disgusting habits that you love. While I’m sure that you may derive great pleasure from picking your nose, examining belly button lint and toe jam – very few of us are going to be on the same fun train ride as you seem to be. I also do not want to be informed of when, where or how often you shave, exfoliate or clean. Just as I don’t like to watch other people relieve themselves in the bathroom, I just don’t want to hear about that relief. TMI.

3. How you would to kill, maim, disfigure, rape or commit any other form of violence on a politician, public figure, celebrity or your girlfriend/boyfriend. While I’m all for passion and really feeling strongly about what you write – hate just doesn’t do a damn thing for me. Normal debate and discourse on politics or the issues of the day, even in a heated manner is fine – but when it gets so personal that you are writing about how pleasurable it would be for you to truly do violence to another, I think it’s time to put down the pen.

4. How misunderstood you are. One of the really appealing things about blogging is our ability as bloggers to vent. There is a certain amount of whining that we are entitled to, in my opionion. And the occasional whine is not really bothersome and can often be quite entertaining. But 2,000 words posts about how nobody loves you, how the world doesn’t understand you and how you’ve been contemplating suicide on a daily basis since your seventh birthday will not make me a regular reader, nor encourage me to blogroll you.

5. How bad, terrible, awful, evil the world, people, mankind or corporate America is. Again, the ranting is fine but constant complaining about how awful things are will only get other losers to visit your blog and comiserate and since they tend to be apathetic, they may forget your blog even exists because they have to spend so much time filling up their blogs with same. Get out of the bitter barn and play in the hay, I say.

6. Every single detail of your child’s potty training, dentist visit, circumcision, or food allergy. No offense to the mommy bloggers out there. I enjoy your blogs and will continue to do so – but some of you folks get extremely detailed in describing junior’s reaction to peanuts and frankly, it’s tedious. Regale us instead, with humorous and profound thoughts or stories of your children, tell us of their adventures toward growing up. We don’t really need to know that Suzie’s mom made a custom uniform for her child to make yours or the whole soccer team for that matter, look bad.

7. Conspiracy theories. I like a good conspiracy theory as much as the next person but before you spew one forth, try to take the time and trouble to make it sound plausible. To make a case the Elvis is still alive, the World Trade Center was an ‘inside job’ or Oprah is really a man is just plain silly. Be creative, plot it out, really work the details so that we can ahh and oooh over your brilliance. If you find you can’t do that, then I suggest you start writing movie scripts because the only place implausibility really sells, is Hollywood.

8. Longwinded stories about why you haven’t been blogging in the last two weeks, three months or five years. Honestly, we’ve all moved on. Truly, we aren’t patiently waiting by our computers for you to write a post or even think of an idea for one. As they say, ‘if you write it, they will come.’ So just write the post already.

9. Your Fake Life. We all know that since the internet allows for a certain amount of anonimity, that we can stretch the truth, because after all no one will really be able to tell if we are lying. Okay, I guess that’s a given and truly, it is good to keep some of the details of your real life out of blogging for obvious reasons. But I’m talking about the pathetic souls out there who are so starved for attention that they make up whole scenarios of lives they have never lived, nor ever come close to living. The woman who claims she was a drug addict and had her children taken away from her and now has to go through all manner of hoops just to see their golden curls. Or some such. There are actually people out there who will feel concern and be heartbroken over such stories. They will try to reach out to you and console you – but it isn’t really you is it? It’s some plastic, cyber version of you, borne of your need for attention. Try actually writing about real experiences, you may find people will respond to that too. And that way you don’t have to remember the lies.

I’m sure there are others, but this is what I’ve got. Feel free to add to the list.