You’ve gotta love these guys – out in the middle of no-man’s land and they come up with a Beach Boy parody. I got a good chuckle out of this, hope you do too. WC
All Washed Up
Aren’t kittys cute when they’re all squeaky clean?
(This is a very special letter to my cat – my love, my joy, my giant-hernia-producing-pain-in-the-butt, cat.)
I saved you from sure extermination. That day I first saw you with your big red eye (that had been injured when a nail somehow got in there) and so tiny I could fit you in my hand. You stole my heart with your aloof and feral ways. I had to take you home and make you my own.
At first you were shy and would wait until I was half conscious on the couch before you would venture out and crawl up on my chest, where you would sleep, issuing forth your little snore. Fur soft as silk – a funny face with yellow eyes that said ‘I have no brain cells’ I quickly came to love you.
We had many adventures, and you learned how to be a dog from the old girl – who we finally had to put asleep. But we fared well for that year when it was just you and me. Then came the puppy, who you in the tradition of our family, taught to be a cat. To jump up on counters and perch on the back of sofas and chairs. To prefer eating from your cat box, rather than her dish. Oh sure, there was sibling rivalry but secretly, I knew you loved each other. As evidenced by the good morning kiss you give each other every morning. Followed by a barking and yeowling tussle.
But much as I love you my dear, overweight, obese and funny cat there are a few things we need to get straight:
1. When my eyelashes flutter at 4 a.m. I am not awake and getting ready to feed you, I am dreaming.
2. When the first fingers of sunlight filter through our guazy curtains, it is not time to feed you.
3. When I get up in the middle of the night to pee, it is not midnight snack time.
4. When I come home from work and I turn on my computer, it is not dinner time.
5. When I move, it is not feeding time.
6. When I speak, it is not lunch time.
7. When I turn on the shower it is not time to feed you.
8. Are you sensing a pattern here?
I know that you don’t like Roomie’s cats and therefore you refuse to leave our room, with all your hiding places and the doggie to protect you from the evil ones. But seriously, you need to go to Jenny Craig’s. You need to get a full length mirror and look, really look at yourself. It is time for some real tough love here. You are FAT. Yes, you are. You are F.A.T. fat. You must brave the great outdoors and chase some mice or lizards or spiders or whatever it is you like to chase. You must go out and kick some Roomie Cat butt and make a space for yourself in the yard, with it’s big trees and green grass and several patio chairs just right for napping in the sun.
You must, my cat, come to know that there is more to life than food.
Mark Twain was (and still is today, in my mind) one of the best authors America has ever had to offer. His agile mind never missed a trick of human nature, nor an opportunity to make fun of himself and those around him. My all time favorite book, Letters from Earth, is a must read, if you haven’t already.
Below, (editorial comment mine & in bold) what he has to say about authors:
I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55. (I’m working on getting there myself)
– Mark Twain, a Biography
Experience is an author’s most valuable asset; experience is the thing that puts the muscle and the breath and the warm blood into the book he writes. (No argument there)
– Is Shakespeare Dead
Authorship is not a trade, it is an inspiration; authorship does not keep an office, its habitation is all out under the sky, and everywhere the winds are blowing and the sun is shining and the creatures of God are free. (Can I get a witness?)
– A petition to the Queen of England, 1887 (plea for exemption from English tax on royalties)
An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency. (Yes, we are comment whores, aren’t we?)
– Mark Twain’s Autobiography
I never saw an author who was aware that there is any dimensional difference between a fact and a surmise. (Can you say, poetic license?)
– quoted in My Father Mark Twain, by Clara Clemens
There are three infallible ways of pleasing an author, and the three form a rising scale of compliment: 1, To tell him you have read one of his books; 2, To tell him you have read all of his books; 3, To ask him to let you read the manuscripts of his forthcoming book. No. 1 admits you to his respect; no. 2 admits you to his admiration; No. 3 carries you clear into his heart. (The secrets to a writer’s heart)
– Pudd’nhead Wilson
This One’s For You, Sanjaya!
Sorry for all the vids but I had to post this one for our favorite idol disaster. WC
What Movie Character Are You?
Fun little test here will tell you who you are in the classic movie genre. I’m not sure it’s very accurate, although this one sounded right for me – but it is a fun little diversion.
For me, life would be nothing without movies. Movies of all makes and models. I can watch movies until my eyeballs bleed. So it may be I will dedicate much or all of this week to movie themes. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s movie meme.
PS: Just in case you don’t know the movie, here’s a little clip.
The Magic of Chalk
Beerman, the chalk artist has more amazing entries I just had to share:
I think my favorite is the one with Batman – but hey I wouldn’t kick any of them out of the neighborhood. It never ceases to amaze me how much a true artist can do with so little. Incredible. Bravo I say!
We Interupt Our Normal Programming to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY BILLIE!
Hey, I don’t care – it’s my blog and really if I can’t use the worldwide web to wish a good friend happy birthday then what good is it?
Billie I love ya and want you to have a great birthday. You are and always will be my first real Taylor Hicks buddy. We shared a very special obsession and truly without you it wouldn’t have been nearly as much fun as it was.
I wish to hell that someday we will go see TayTay together in concert and complete the making of total fools of ourselves in utter splendor and abandon – cuz honey if I’m a gonna do that – then you’re the one who I want to do that with.
I thank you for your cheer, your caring, your humor and even your bitching. Love ya doll. Happy Birthday!!
Hugs & Kisses,
PS: We all pitched in and got you a stripper.
You like? 😉
Have You Painted Your Cat Lately?
Apparently, people still are finding ways to waste their money. A new trend appears to be having your cat painted for about 15 grand a pop. And if you want to keep up with the Jones’ you have to do repaints every three months. Can you imagine having nothing better to do with 60 grand a year than to have your housepet painted? Duh!
That being said, they are pretty impressive paint jobs.
(HT to FC for the pics!)
Any questions? 😉