I Get a Kick Out of Me?

 

Maybe this is wrong but I get a kick out of me. I always have if you want to know the truth. I like having ‘in’ jokes with myself, laughing at things only I find funny, no matter how silly or inane. Perhaps it’s too much time spent alone as a child or maybe I spent too much time alone because of this eccentricity – but I could always amuse and entertain myself no matter what.

Imagination has always been a strong suit and I wear it often – it enables strange new worlds, odd and fanciful dreams and even other beingnesses  that I seem to be able to change like so many party dresses.

It takes nothing more than spying a complete stranger furrowing his brow or donning a jaunty or silly hat to get the wheels turning and the yarn spinning in my head. The story is right there, writing itself in real time as I watch on in wonder. Now that I think of it that way, I wonder if I am actually a writer or merely a stenograher for an odd set of brain cells.

Despite everything in my life that hasn’t been – let’s say an amusement park ride – I still can’t shake that part of me that can find just about anything amusing if not a outright knee slapper. Honestly, even at my lowest points in life, I could still find something to laugh about – of course usually it was some synapse exploding between my ears and issuing the punch line to me and me alone – but still…I just get a kick out of it.

How about you? Do you get a kick out of yourself? Have fun adventures without anyone else there?

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I'm a Slacker-Bitch

Okay, so here’s the deal. I haven’t been around to see anybody lately. I am a total shameless slacker-bitch and feel free to call me names because I probably deserve it. But I’ve been a little (a whole lot actually, like a lot!) distracted lately – in a really really good way and well…what can I say. It’s been gooooooood. God willing and hoping that I can actually lasso a little focus, I’ll be around to visit y’all – soon. Maybe even today.

I Got Nothin'

Okay, so this week my brain has been completely empty of all discernible thought. I’ve sat here and sat here trying to think of something, interesting, witty, funny, profound and even stupid to say and well….I’ve got nothin’

Zero, Zilch, Zip. Nothing there folks. The well is dry. I currently can’t put two words together that make any sense and well shit, sorry. If anybody has any ideas, thoughts or suggestions, I’m open – as long as it doesn’t involve mud wrestling midgets.

Meme Me

Aha, now that all that heavy thinking is behind us, I have a meme of no consequence to share. Just for the hell of it. And no, the picture hasn’t got squat to do with it – but I thought it might make you curious.

1. WHAT TIME DID YOU GET UP THIS MORNING? 3:30 then 6:30, then 8:00 – yes, I’m an equal opportunity insomniac.

2. DIAMONDS OR PEARLS? Pearls, they go with everything you know and muggers never want them.

3 WHAT WAS THE LAST FILM YOU SAW AT THE CINEMA? Don’t remember, but it was probably not that good and cost too much to see.

5. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? Coffee and maybe I can choke down a protein drink or something. Morning is for coffee, reading, and computer games, not eating or doing anything strenuous.

5a. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TELEVISON SHOW? Medium, Heroes & Numbers – since this is summer and there really is nothing to watch, I don’t watch much tv lately – actuallly I don’t watch much tv anymore, generally. Also, too they started showing Dexter this last spring which was an interesting show – I would like to see more of that if only out of curiosity.

6. WHAT IS YOUR MIDDLE NAME? Marie. Sad, isn’t it?
7. WHAT FOOD DO YOU DISLIKE? Lamb and vennison, too sweet and icky. I go through phases when I can’t look at a chicken or tuna either and sometimes brocoli makes me want to gag.

8. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CD? Etta James – Story Book & Ricki Lee Jones (self titled)

9. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU DRIVE? A midnight blue Toyota Avalon – not my preference but a decent car. If I had my druthers I’d have a 68 cherried out Chevy Impala, pale yellow, ragtop. Yeah, I’d be cruising.

10. FAVORITE SANDWICH? Rare roast beef, with dill pickles & provolone cheese, mayo, mustard and on fresh sourdough bread.

11. WHAT CHARACTERISTIC DO YOU DESPISE? Dishonesty I can’t abide it.

12. FAVORITE ITEM OF CLOTHING: My black leather flip flops, so comfortable and goes with everything.

13. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD ON VACATION WHERE WOULD YOU
GO? That’s a tough one because I’m torn between what I would like to see and who I would like to visit – I’ve always wanted to go to New England in the Fall, I’ve recently become interested in Australia because I have friends there but honestly, Ireland is my number one, I feel a connection to the place and wanted to spend at least one birthday there. It’s on my wish list.

14. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHROOM? Greens and blues, the colors of the sea.

15. FAVORITE BRAND OF CLOTHING? Donna Karan – her jeans are so good for my ass.

16. WHERE Will YOU RETIRE TO? I don’t know, Texas, Washington or New Mexico I think. Someplace with mild weather where it is easy to grow things and it’s beautiful to lookat.

17. WHAT WAS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE BIRTHDAY? I forget which birthday it was but it was the one where Zelda threw me a surprise party and everybody and their uncle came, plus all brought presents, we ate great food, had music, laughed and talked – it was perfect, it really was.

18. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Clearance table tug of wars.

19. FURTHEST PLACE YOU ARE SENDING THIS? No telling – the internet goes pretty far.

20. FAVORITE SAYING? Whatever. No, seriously, that’s it.

21. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? St Patrick’s Day

22. ARE YOU A MORNING PERSON OR A NIGHT PERSON? I don’t know, I have gotten into the habit of waking pretty early, however, I really like the night time and seem to have more energy, especially creative energy then. So, I guess night.

23. WHAT IS YOUR SHOE SIZE? 7.5 and thank you for not inquiring about the width – yes, I confess I have duck feet.

24. ANY NEW AND EXCITING NEWS YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH US? Well, my temp gig ends today which means I will no longer have to see to the needs of 17 pets, a petulant slacker and mind-numbingly boring marketing stuff. That’s pretty exciting to me. But I’m easy to please. Also, my friend Kelly got out of the hospital yesterday and went home after 3 months in the hospital due to her car accident. I only wish I could be there for her.

25. WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE? A ballerina. I used to prance around. Dance in the backyard, on my bed, in the fields, the park, anywhere. I loved to twirl.

26. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? Pretty good. I’ve managed to start getting some sleep again which is always good news, have lots ideas for writing and I’m looking into podcasting, plus my hair doesn’t suck, lately.

27. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CANDY? Snickers. Not sure why but there is nothing better than a Snickers bar when you’re happy, you’re sad, you’re fat, you’re thin. Hey man, Snickers goes with everything.

28. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? Sterling roses. Somewhat rare, they are quite beautiful, look a lot like American Beauties but they are pale lavender with a silver edge to them. Very fragrant and magical looking in a way.

29. WHAT IS A DAY ON THE CALENDAR YOU ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO? August 22nd, I’m having a little vacay with my friend Jenny – which should be a scream. We haven’t had much time together in the last few years. So we’ll spend a few days being retards, laughing, eating, drinking, whatever – we always have fun.

30. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? My foot? No, really…what was it? Salad I think. Boring, eh?

31. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Deep sea green, like the ocean.
32. FAVORITE STARBUCKS DRINK? Sumatra daily drip, lots of cream, no sugar.

33. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? Perfect, 75 degrees, cloudless, little breeze making the Mimosa tree sway.

34. FAVORITE SOFT DRINK? Diet Coke and Iced Tea.

35. FAVORITE RESTAURANT? The Castaway in Burbank. It is at the top of a mountain and it looks down on the entire Los Angeles Basin, the food is amazing and after you eat you can take your drink outside and sit at a table and watch the sunset. Fabulous.

36. SIBLINGS? Kathy, Michelle, Chris & Alan (deceased)

37. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? Christmas and 4th of July – dang I really can’t choose, can I? And I don’t want to if I were being honest. In my mind they are both about love, family, friends, food and celebration – what more could you want?
38. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer without a doubt. I love the sun, I love flowers, I love butterflies, watermelon, balmy breezes, long days – ah, it’s the best. In fact if I could swing it I’d probably only have summer 364 days of the year and I would let snow on Christmas and then back to summer.

39 HUGS OR KISSES? Again with the choosing, that’s just not fair, both are really quite lovely and I couldn’t give up one for the other.

40 COFFEE OR TEA? Coffee, I do like my tea sometimes but I love my coffee, the darker, the stronger the better.

41. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate with a little chocolate thrown on top for good measure.

42. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? The other day when I talked to Kelly and she told me she was going home. I could cry just thinking about it now. I was so terrified she was going to die that with each little bit of progress I cry out of pure relief and happiness, knowing that I won’t lose my dear, sweet friend.

43. WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST? Kelly actually, with Zelda a close second and then Jenny – I like to keep my friends for a long time, forever actually – I can’t imagine my life without them, they mean so much to me.

44. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? I blogged, I visited, I wrote a silly pirate poem which had me in a gleeful twitter for some reason, talked to a couple of really good friends, made some plans that made me happy. Tried to sleep.

45. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? That one day I will not be able to write and that all that I have written means nothing.

46. WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON? I’m looking into doing some podcasting, not very technical so that should be an adventure. Also have a new mystery which I am getting back to, finishing an old novel from years back, writing lots of poetry, have another story that is rolling around in my head which may insist on being written, setting up some freelance work and should probably be contemplating getting back on my exercise routine which has suffered in the last couple of months.

47. WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? T is for Trespass, by Sue Grafton, I think actually it’s my favorite from her, quite good. Currently on Brother Odd from Dean Koontz

48. FAVORITE DAY OF THE WEEK? Sunday, it’s when all of my stuff has been done, I can sleep in, be lazy, read, eat, garden, cook, hang with friends, write.

49. DO YOU MAKE FRIENDS EASILY? This is hard to answer. I am a friendly person and can make others feel at ease, which is born out of my shyness actually. Weird, huh? So that I do make friends easily in that way. But really close friends? Not so easily. I think it takes time and lots of time together to make a friend – don’t you?

Well and there you have it a boring weekend meme. Hope you enjoyed it.

Calgon…Take Me Away….

Hey everybody, you may have noticed I’ve been a bit scarce the last few days. Frankly, I’m exhausted. This past week has been very intense and there has just been a lot going on. In a phrase, I’ve blogged myself into a frenzy. So, I’ve decided to take a few days off. Feel the sunshine, walk my dog, smell the roses, sleep in, eat some good food and just generally recharge.

A lovely bevy of bloggers has agreed to do a few guest posts and of course I will have a post for Theme Friday – so please treat them kindly and come and read them, they are all great and fun and I’m sure you know all of them. They are doing me a great favor, the favor of time and I really appreciate it.

Have fun, have a good week and I’ll see you all next week – hopefully recharged, rested and relaxed and maybe even with some decent posts.

Hugs.

Cat Boogers and Heaters

I’m sure I’ve mentioned my behemoth of a cat, affectionately known as Boodie. She is a funny animal, both in looks and manner and lately (for reasons known only to God) I’ve been watching her – observing her.

One of the weird things that I’ve noticed about Boodie is that she has a tendency to get boogers. Now, I haven’t had that many cats in my life because I’m partial to dogs, but I’ve had a few and I’ve never had one who got boogers. I mean the real deal. Like she’ll jump up on my bed to come and get some affection and there it is – a big, black, giant booger hanging out of her nose. For a cat who mostly sleeps and eats and rarely ventures outside my room, I find this fascinating. What could she possibly be doing that causes giant clods of gunk to crawl up her nose and gross me out? I started to think that maybe she was using her cat box as a sort of soccer field – or perhaps she doesn’t understand that the stuff in there isn’t recyclable? I have tried to teach her to use a hankie but she prefers that I dig it out with a Qtip as she sits in my lap.

Aside from her eating and napping she has one other love – my portable heater. It’s one of those types that looks like an old fashioned radiator, that you plug into the wall. The heating mechanism heats up oil or something in the coils and it is energy saving and quite green, according to the box it came in.

Boodie is utterly in love with this heater. Whenever I can’t find her, I’ve only to look in the direction of the heater and there she is. She loves it so much that she works to get most or all of her front paws under it and her face smooshed up against it. Why it doesn’t turn her in to an appetizer, I’ve no idea, but she basically owns the damn thing and she’d carry it around as a pocket book if she could. Or, possibly she’d drag it into the cat box with her, while she is playing turd soccer and farming (still don’t know which).

Also, she will not eat anything except dry food. She hates tuna, chicken, fish or any human food, will not go near a cat treat or a scratching post (she prefers my leather chair for that) – though she will on occasion go after the dog’s dry food if she feels I’ve shorted her food supplies.

And the damn cat doesn’t meow like any other self respecting cat. Nope. She chirps – like a bird. Again, a first for me – never knew a cat could warble until I met this one. She when she wants something she sings for it. Cute, eh?

And then, why is it, that as soon as I sit down to pee, the cat chirp- chirps and sticks her butt up in the air in order to be scratched? Is it merely that I’ve sat down and she knows I won’t move for a little while or is there some connection between humans relieving themselves and butt scratches? Yet another mystery I will never solve.

Anyway, as you can see, I haven’t much going on in my brain tonight, or I would be regaling you with much more interesting blog fodder. Sorry – it’s a brain fart.

WC

Give Me a Topic, I’ll Tell You No Lies

I don’t know about you guys but I’m having a time coming up with stuff to blog about. I know, I know, there is so much going on in the world there should be something that has caught my attention, right? Wrong. Maybe there is too much going on – or it’s just so much of more of the same crap that it just isn’t hitting my interest meter or, who the hell knows?

Anyway, Bella challenged me to write about grilled cheese samiches and yeah, I took the challenge. See what I mean by no thoughts in my head. Actually though it was fun and it was a challenge, because really how often do you have to come up with 500 words on grilled cheese samiches – so, thank you Bella. We managed to shake some bats from the bellfry on that one.

But her challenge got me thinking – aren’t we all a little at a loss for stuff to post about, from time to time? Don’t all of us sit down at the computer, scratch our heads and say, ‘ah, duh, what the heck am I going to post about today?’ sometimes? It may just be me, but I don’t think so – in fact, I’m sure not because I’ve read others’ posts about burn out, missing brain cells, brain farts and empty-headedness too.

So, here’s an idea – why don’t we do an idea co-op? Okay, maybe it sounds lame and sounds like those silly writing prompts that we’ve all tried – but more fun. We’ve all done the memes that have gone around – pulled stuff out of our dusty trunks and put them up, posted vids, jokes, cartoons, celebrated wholly invented holidays, done the interview round robins – why not this?

Hmmm….now how would we go about it? I don’t know…how about you leave me suggestions here and for every suggestion I get, I’ll give one back? How does that sound? Or we could tag each other for ideas? I am actually kind of liking the idea. Imagine having an idea bank for those days when you really don’t have any ideas? Imagine having someone else give you a bunch of ideas that you can save for a rainy day post? Doesn’t it sound good?

I’ll start:

Bella – Write a letter to the editor about pending legislation that would require all adults to trim their toenails weekly.

A-Mum – Write a love letter to A-Dog from the viewpoint of a french poodle who has recently moved into the neighborhood.

Michael – You wake up to discover that all your daughters are sons & your wife is your husband – what happens?

Karen – You have been offered the job of creating & producing a talk show for former president, Jimmy Carter, describe the format, the guests, the topics and how you will promote it.

Christine – Write a rap song for Condoleeza Rice to be performed on the Letterman Show.

Spaz – Interview the most beautiful tree you know.

Roobs – You are Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz – Write the private conversation you had with the Wizard while the Tin Man, Lion & Scarecrow were out of earshot.

Jess – Write an editorial on a movement to outlaw parking tickets.

Anthony – You wake up to discover you get to be an American for a day – describe your day.

Red – You get the opportunity to create a reality show called, Build That Car – Outline the format, the rules, the contestants and the prize.

DT – You get to be the schoolyard bully for the day – who do you go after first?

Jennifer – Write a poem about the joys of microwave cooking.

Reggie – You’ve met your dream man; he’s handsome, smart, funny, makes 7 figures a year and is availble but he’s four feet tall – what do you do?

Buggsie – List ten things that would make it a perfect world.

Lucid – Write a letter to Dear Abby, asking for advice on something that really bugs you.

Daisies – Write a speech to be given to a group of 12 year old boys on the merits of feminism.

Grace – You have been given the assignment of giving Howard Stern a makeover – results?

Okay, so have at it, if you want – and gimme something puleeze! 😉

Do You Listen to Your Little Voice?

Lately, mine has been saying some pretty strange things. Usually it’s the standard admonishments about not getting things done, forgetting to do the laundry, letting deadlines pass me by at warp speed or being fat. There is the occasional critique on my writing but I’ve learned to ignore most of those and I hardly hear them anymore.

But lately…mine has been telling me to ‘wait.’ Yep, that’s it. Just, ‘wait.’ It refuses to answer my questions: “Wait for what? Is something going to happen? Do you know something I don’t know? I hate to wait, why do I have to wait? Can’t you wait and then fill me in with a memo? Wait for WHAT????” Silence. No response, no chiding, no snappy comeback, nothing.

You might say I should ignore my little voice and go about my business. Well, usually I do ignore it – at least most of it – but this time I can’t seem to. It’s as though I am under the spell of the magic mantra, ‘wait.’ Wait, wait, wait, wait. I can’t seem to do anything but obey. Do you suppose it’s the thought police? Are they finally here after all this time?

Maybe it’s my intuition. I have that you know. Oh yes, from the beginning, I have had that funny little ability to sense things. I suppose we all have it to some degree – but mine can sometimes have such power of persuasion that it literally stops me cold. And it can be really annoying too. Luckily, it doesn’t involve talking to dead people – at least most of the time. So, maybe it’s my intuition telling me I should wait. That good things come to those who wait. That patience is a virtue. That an event is coming to which I need to pay attention. If I’m in motion and all crazy and multi-tasking like a loony I’ll miss it. A blur on the screen of life and I won’t have even noticed its coming and going.

Or maybe I’m just tired and need a break. Maybe I’ve been working too hard and my psyche needs a break. Could explain why I haven’t a thought in my head – other than ‘wait.’ Could be why nothing is getting to me in a good or a bad way. It could be….

Consequently, I’ve been playing a lot of computer Mah Jong and Spider. I’m in the wait mode. I’m in a holding pattern. I’m hovering. I’m waiting.

What’s your little voice telling you?

WC

I Think I’ve Peaked – or is it Piqued?

 

When I started this little blogging thang, I had nary a thought to how long I’d do it for, nor even if it was for me. Michael (my blogging mentor) has encouraged me over these past few months and if I last, August will be my first year blogoversary.

 But I’m honestly wondering if I haven’t run out of gas just short of that milestone. It seems lately, I don’t have a whole lot to say and what I do say is of little consequence. Cripes you could pick up most of my yak from Entertainment Tonight without having to read at all. And the stats show it. They’s a just going, down, down, down.

It’s produced an odd melancholy in me and I honestly don’t know what to do. The thought of not hanging with my blogger buds really bums me out – though the angst of ‘what now?’ being nowhere in my life has a certain appeal.

Am I just going through the terrible two’s of blogging? Is it a phase? Is it seasonal? Is it the tags I’m using or not using? Should I submit my blog to yet another blog directory? Has the popularity of blog readers become such that people no longer need to drop by because they can read from a remote view? My breath, my deodorant, my fat ass? There and many other questions go unanswered – mostly because I don’t think anyone has the answers.

But I’ll tell you, it’s disheartening when you get more hits from the spam bots than from the readers.

And please, make no mistake, this isn’t a pity post, that seeks to illicit sympathy and atta girls. I know you guys love me and I love you. It’s more me – thinking out loud – trying to figure it out.

If anyone has any inside information or understands this more than me, please feel free to speak up. I’m just flummoxed. I’ve no idea.

I really do think that maybe the Writer Chick brand has run its course.

What’s the Secret?

 

I’ve been blogging in the whacky world of WordPress for a few months now. And in that short time these guys have come up with all kinds of bells and whistles.

Every month there is at least one new theme, which we all have to run out and try. For me, that usually means I spend several hours trying to get the widgets to work right and re-do all the sidebar items only to discover I’m an idiot and can’t do it. Then reverting back to the prior theme.

They have changed the dashboard, made it easier to have multiple blogs, added custom headers, snazzy and fun little widget thingies and all sorts of stuff. As long as it isn’t too technologically challenging I can usually play around with them and get it right.

Then there is the secret stuff. The stuff that I either don’t get or the stuff that is just truly too mysterious. Domain mapping???Eh? What the heck is that and do I want it? Little video gadgets and mp3 widgies, blog surfer, feed stats, other kinds of stats, search terms, referrers, links, the list goes on and on.

But in all the time I’ve blogged with WordPress there is one area I have never been able to figure out. It’s the right side of the dashboard. Top WordPress Blogs. Fastest Growing WordPress blogs. Blogs of the Minute. Latest posts. I mean, I understand the concept but what I don’t understand is how they arrive at who the fastest growing blog is. Logic would tell me it has to do with stats – but no, that can’t be because my other blog gets far fewer hits than this blog and yet it was on the list a couple of times and I think was Blog of the Minute one day too. Is it random? Is it the result of content? Stats? Is there a secret vote? Is a matter of who bothers the tech support guys less? Who bakes the best cupcakes or what?

I really want to know. How the heck do they figure this stuff out? Or maybe I should say make the determination. For example, there was a blogger I knew of who actually hit number one on one of these lists and he’d been doing it for about 2 months – he didn’t seem to get any more traffic than I did, yet there he was. Nothing wrong with his blog or anything but it wasn’t earth shattering or ground breaking either. Just a regular blog type blog. So wtf?

Right now, there is one blog that has been number one on one of these lists since the day it started – now how is that possible? Did he get like 50k hits on opening day? I’m just wondering.

If there is some secret, I really want to know. Does anybody out there have a clue? Any idea at all? I mean I know that in the greater scheme of things, this matters not one whit – but it’s one of those silly things that just baffles me. So, theories? Ideas? Thoughts? Knowledge? Anybody?

WC