Fate

Is there such a thing? Really? Or do we just convince ourselves that a number of coincidences add up to it?

Is everything that happens in our lives meant to happen. Are we meant to meet the people we meet? Become friends, lovers, in-laws. Is it all going according to some master plan? Or do we have some wiggle room? I’m a bit torn on the issue there are certain things that have happened in my life that I truly believe were meant to be. That were inevitable. That no matter what I did or where I turned that that situation, event or person would have still found their way into my life. It’s a little spooky actually to feel that way about something or someone, and luckily it doesn’t happen too often for me or I’d really be whigged out about it. Although it does happen often enough that I have to wonder, are some things meant to be?

On the other hand, so much of life is random, inexplicable and wild. There is nothing master plan or organized about it. As though we are all just thrown into a white water river and must do our best to ride the rapids down to the peaceful water, if there is any. And if we can stay alive long enough to get there.

I have come to the conclusion that it must be a mixture that somehow there is a fate of sorts. Perhaps it has to do with one’s own master plan, one’s own dream and needs in life and on occasion life let’s us have something we really want or to be with someone we really want to be with – so that when it screws us over continually on most everything else we can feel grateful?

Possibly even feel like we have some cause or control over our own destinies. I do prefer to think that way, rather than believe that everything is already planned and mapped out. If that is the case, then what point is there in living my life? What point is there in making any plans? None I think.

Still….there are those moments that seem overwhelmingly destined to happen, that you know were meant to be. Maybe life is just trying to confuse us? I’m not sure I have any point here. What do you think? Opinions, ideas, recipes?

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Face Value

I was wondering yesterday if we just take things too much at face value, you know? The current pre-election frenzy seems like a good example. We all want change (or at least those of us who do) so we gravitate to Obama. We want experience so we gravitate to Hillary (presumedly). We all want wisdom, so we gravitate toward McCain. Well, maybe that isn’t quite a good example but you get my point.

It seems many of us are guilty of not really looking too much below the surface. In way, I suppose that’s good, lest we see something we don’t like. Or maybe we are just too trusting and long to give people the benefit of the doubt. It’s possible.

Then there are the other types of face value. For example, you look around at your life and you see mountains of debt, worries and trouble and think this is your lot in life. You know that today will be repeated tomorrow and the tomorrow after that. You know this because yesterday was the same as today. But is it really? Are we really in such little control of our lives and the destiny of our futures?

I’ve been wondering a lot about this lately. I’ve been wondering what would happen if I just decided that I don’t buy that any more. You know? In fact, I took a bit of a leap of faith not that long ago. I had a job that for whatever reason was toxic to me. Literally making me ill and I honestly thought I’d end up with some horrible malady if I stayed on. I’m not really blaming anyone for this – things like this happen and really it was my own problem. So, my solution was to quit. I had some money put aside and felt I could just take some time off and cool down, chill out and figure out what to do next.

But a funny thing happened – I never got another job. I meant to. I intended to. And yet, in the end I didn’t. And sometimes I think about this and think, ‘jeez you are frickin loony tunes for doing this.’ I think that I ought to be scared and worried and feel all twisted up inside. Yet, I don’t. Yet, somehow I know that everything will be alright. I know that everything I need will somehow come to me – whether it be money, work, friends, food, whatever – somehow it will come my way.

How on earth could I feel this way? There are no visible signs in the universe that this makes any sense or that I am likely to survive with such a plan. Yet I have. My days are no longer filled with stress or worry, nor office politics. They are filled with educating myself, looking for new opportunities, writing, pursuing agents and publishers and so on. In short, I am actually finally pursuing my life, as I want it to be.

This is not to say that I don’t sometimes get worried or concerned. I do. I’m human, in a way it is our job to be worried and have dramas. Yet whenever I do, there is something inside me that says I’m doing the right thing, I’m going about this correctly. That I have good reason to believe in myself and my goals. And what’s more, that my goals are worthy and by being so they will sustain me somehow – they will bring to me whatever luck and serendipity that I need.

So, I’ve stopped accepting things at face value. I’ve looked deeply into my soul and found out what and who I am and I’m basically betting the ranch on it. I think at the very least, it will be quite the adventure.

WC