Chocolate Goes Underground?

You know I was thinking…I know, it’s dangerous when my gray matter gets going…but I digress. This world is getting more and more politically correct. Things we thought were just plain normal a decade ago could possibly be against the law today. For instance, what if some yahoo junior Congressman decided that chocolate was a public danger? What if they made it against the law?

Now, you’re probably laughing and think, oh that’s just too ridiculous but hey transfats are against the law in New York now, right? Why not chocolate? It release endorphins, changes moods, contributes to body fat, cholesteral and makes otherwise sane people drive to the grocery store at three in the morning. Face it folks, chocolate creates altered states in we humans. Somebody could probably make the case that it should be added to the list of schedule one narcotics.

But oh for the humor of it, I wish it would happen. Imagine, we’d have chocolate police. Belguims would be considered risks to national security (unless they gave up their recipes and revealed the locations of their factories). People would start smuggling it in from Switzerland, black market racketeers would be producing car panels made of chocolate and some poor housewife would be busting in the dead of  night by the chocoloate police, whilst munching on her front bumper.

There’s be chocolate labs tucked away in abandoned buildings, small apartments and little out of the way cafes across the country. People would be stopped to have their breaths sniffed by the chocolate brigade.

Valentine’s Day would be a thing of the past. Christmas, Mother’s Day, Birthdays, anniversaries would all be a little less fun and delicious. Cake would only come in vanilla and fruit flavors. Hagan Daas would go out of business. A whole section of Starbuck’s menu would be erased.

PMSing women everywhere would be roaming the streets looking for their fix – and beating up their spouses if they didn’t come through. Easter would be one big hard boiled egg.

Millions of people would be thrown out of work and have to earn their incomes working for shady folks who knew how to move the goods. It would be a veritable nightmare.

I can feel myself breaking into a sweat, my heart is racing and I’m starting to pant a little. Please, not the chocolate!!!!

Gotta go, there’s a 1 pound trader joe’s chocolate bar I have a date with. Just to be on the safe side, I’m going to plant some in my garden and see if anything grows. Hey, it couldn’t  hoit. 😉

WC

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Cry Me a River

Crying isn’t always a bad thing – sometimes it’s good to cry. It’s a natural release from stress, emotion, what have  you. Sometimes, I’m even in the mood to cry and I can’t, so I have to find things that will make me cry. It’s not so much the crying I enjoy as the way I feel afterwards when it’s over. I feel refreshed in a way. So, just in case you need some tricks on what may make you cry when you can’t and  you want to try these:

1. Hallmark commercials: Now, there is nothing in advertising that will get the old tear ducts flowing more than a good, old fashioned Hallmark commercial – especially the ones they do around Christmas. Whoa, gimme a whole box of kleenix cuz the dams are about to burst.

2. Onions: I love onions, there is just nothing better to add zip and flavor to a meal like onions. I put them in just about anything I cook – which could explain why I’m not a good cookie maker – love them, love them, love them. But I have never found a way to escape the tears when I’m chopping those babies up. Hell, I even cry when I’m chopping scallions, scallots and garlic. I’ve learned to live with the fact that I’m a weepy cook.

3. The Star Spangled Banner: Or any patriotic song for that matter. In fact, I probably cry more on the 4th of July than I do on Christmas. I don’t know why. It’s just those patriotic songs choke me up. It makes me think of all the people who fought for this country and continue to do so, despite what others may think. I love my country (for all its flaws and more) and nothing chokes me up more than the songs that pay homage to it.

4. September 11, 2001: It’s been years and I still can feel the tears well at the mention of it. Any images, references, footage, commentaries, movies, television shows, anything about it, still breaks my heart and I mourn all that we lost that day. As an American it was the worst day of my life.

5. Terms of Endearment (or any overly sentimental movie): Especially the scene where she is talking to her sons and telling them what is going to happen when she is gone. The older one is being terrible to her and she tells him she loves him and that she knows he loves her even though he’s pissed at her. At the end, she says to the little one, ‘I think that went well, don’t  you?’ It just rips me up.

 6. Missing my dad and my brother: For me, they left this earthly existence too soon and I doubt I will ever stop missing them.

7. Taxes: Most especially when I look at the ‘net pay’ section of my pay stub every payday. Cripes, isn’t that why we all came over here in the first place?

8. Injustice: I don’t mean the little things where someone feels slighted or takes offense – unfortunately, that is just part of life and  you have to deal. I mean the senseless stuff – the shootings at schools, people who are hit and run, the person who is harmed or maligned for who or what they are, or worse. All the senseless, evil things that we do to one another and without cause.

9. Reunions with old friends: Life is nothing but change. People change, things change, situations change and you have to roll with the changes. But the worst thing for me is when friends move away and you can’t see them everyday like you’re used to. You’re no longer a part of their daily life or you theirs. But the reunions are so great, tears of joy, completely.

10. The price of gas: Okay, it doesn’t really make me cry but close. It seems lately that no matter how much money I pour into the gas tank I can’t ever quite fill it up. And man does it burn fast. Is it me or does gas burn faster when it’s more expensive? I’m sure I’m imagining it but it seems to me when gas was a buck fifty a gallon it lasted a lot longer. Go figure.

11. Then there are the smaller things that don’t always  make me cry but work sometimes, like: killer farts, laughing too hard and too long, stubbing my toe, Christmas songs, puppy dogs & kittens and Sanjaya singing.

 How about you? What makes your tear ducts fill up?

Where Have I Gone?

 

Where have I gone?
I don’t see me
when I look
into the mirror…

Just some woman
who spent
too much time
in the sun
at the buffet
by the clearance racks.

The woman
I was never
going to become
greets me now
in the morning
in the evening
in the funhouse mirror
of the elevator.

She smirks and
sucks in a breath
and seraches for mints
in the bottom
of her purse.

She mutters at the
moronic actions of youth
worries about
bills, bulges and gums.

Who is she?
And
What has she done with me?

Copyright 2007

Hope Your Weekend…

is going better than this little guy’s.  Sorry, I just can’t stop laughing. Oh, and Happy Mother’s Day to all the mommy’s out there. Hope you are all treated like queens and at least get some flowers and breakfast in bed.

WC

What’s in a Name?

 

This was too good, not to post. H.T. to court reporter chick for this one. Enjoy!

All of these are legitimate companies that didn’t spend quite enough time considering how their online names might appear .. and be misread.

These are not made up. Check them out yourself

1. “Who Represents” is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity.  Their Web site is www.whorepresents.com (I’m thinky some lacey lingerie)

2 . Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at  www.expertsexchange.com (they say that change is good, right?)

3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net (I think I know some people who shop here)

4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com (this could be helpful to those profiler guys)

5. There’s the Italian Power Generator company, www.powergenitalia.com (I know they say Italians are the best lovers but…)

6. And don’t forget the Mole Station Native Nursery in www.molestationnursery.com (those poor plants, imagine the trauma)

7. If you’re looking for IP computer software, there’s always www.ipanywhere.com (lol – me too, anybody going to make a diaper joke here?)

8. The First Cumming Methodist Church Web site is  www.cummingfirst.com (so much for abstinence)

9. And the designers at Speed of Art await you at their wacky Web site, www.speedofart.com (I didn’t know that speedos could fart

So the moral to this story is choose your names wisely and get good proofreaders! 😉  WC

What Moms Will Do For Their Kids…

 

(My friend, the super-mom, sent me this true story of how she ‘helped’ her kids learn one of those scout-type lessons. Amazing, the lengths we’ll go to for our kids, eh?  😉 WC )

We had our Daisy troop meeting at Oakwood Park this afternoon so we could work on our “Making the World a Better Place” petal by going around the park picking up litter.  I got there with a handful of plastic grocery sacks so each girl could fill her own bag with litter.  Then we were going to talk about recycling as we took any bottles and cans we found and put them in a separate recycling bag. 

So, while the girls are playing before we get started, I look around and….. the park is spotless!!  No litter anywhere!!  Nothing!!  Our petal earning was in serious jeopardy

The only thing I could think of was to send my older daughter to our van (where there happens to be plenty of litter) to get some litter and go out and sprinkle it around ahead of us as we got started.  She said she got some strange looks from people as she was boldly and deliberately littering.  That is, before they saw our Daisies way behind on the trail squealing as they raced to pick up the scraps.

Thank God one of the boys playing basketball happened to finish his water bottle so we had something to recycle!

Technically, we didn’t really make the world a better place but I think they got the idea 😉  Too bad there isn’t a “Make your leader’s van a better place” petal.  😉

(LOL- that’s what I call ingenuity!  WC)

Chicks in dah Hood

Oh yeah, that’s what I’m talking about!

 Apparently, this is what I have to look forward to in my twilight years. Although, who can complain about an awesome biker jacket and doo-rag? Not I, my friends, not I. 😉

WC

This One’s For You, Sanjaya!

Sorry for all the vids but I had to post this one for our favorite idol disaster. WC