It seems that everybody is meme-ing lately, and I thought, what the heck, I’ll try one of my own. Feel free to jump in, with lists, opinions and heck if you want to consider yourself tagged, then please feel free.
1. The nicest thing anyone ever said to me: My friend Allen told me he thought I’d be a great teacher. That’d I’d be known as ‘that really cool teacher that everybody loves.’
2. The song that never fails to get me over myself: Layla – original version.
3. Worst day of my life: The day my dad died. I was upset all day and didn’t understand why. Nearly got fired from my job and ended up sobbing in my car after work. When I got home, there was a message on my answering machine from my step-mom and of course, I knew. There would have been no other reason for her to call me, since I barely knew her and she and my dad married long after I moved to California and had a life of my own. I devastated before I even dialed the phone, which took all the strength I had. All the colors in my life, drabbed down for quite a while after that.
4. Scariest bug I ever saw: I still don’t know what it was. I was living in one of those hillside cabin type homes that are popular and plenty in L.A. It was a somewhat rustic place that we rented from an ex-hippie – but it came with a garden and a 90 step walk from the street up the hill to get to it. One night, I’m chatting with my chum, Ruthy and out from behind the couch comes this giant ant-like, albino creature that seemed to give me the hairy eyeball. My bowl of popcorn went flying and I screamed. Ruthy took her size 10 shoe and splat went the scarey bug. Still gives me shivers.
5. Weirdest exchange I’ve ever had with another human being: When I first moved to L.A., I lived in an area that was near MacArthur Park. It was a bizarre neighborhood and it provided my first real experience with bag ladies and bag men (now called the homeless). They were all interesting characters, albeit tortured human beings. One lady in particular, we used to call Tinkerbell because she walked around dressed in a tutu and carried a wand with a paper, glittery star attached to it.
One day, she wandered into the office I worked in and in a very heavy Hungarian accent asked to see the owner. I informed her he wasn’t there. She smirked and told me it was because she was the owner of the business. Yes, she was sure of it and she wanted me to show her where her office was. I tried to reason with her but she was relentless and refused to leave. I got up from my seat and tried to escort her out of the building but she started thwapping me with her magic wand and screamed, “help, police. help, help, help!” Then just as suddenly as she started all the nonsense, she left – flipping me the bird on her way out.
6. My first devastating moment: When I was about 8, being the good Catholic girl that I was – I prepared for my First Communion. To be honest, I truly had no understanding of it and why all the fuss, but good girls do as the parents say. Two days before the event I was taken to the beauty parlor by my aunt to ‘get my hair done.’ This was very exciting because I’d never been to the beauty parlor except to watch my Mom and other adults get their hair done. Lucky me. Except, I had really long hair. It was fine and very wavy. A mass of tangles and knots that my mother complained about brushing. You guessed it – after my shampoo and conditioning my aunt told the lady to cut my hair. The woman whacked off about 3 inches – I winced but it wasn’t too bad. Then my aunt shook her head no and mouthed the word, ‘more.’ Next thing I knew all my beloved hair was on the floor and I had a bob. I cried for 2 weeks. There isn’t one salvagable photograph from my First Communion because I gave everyone the evil eye the whole day. And really it took me a long time to forgive God.
7. A talent most people don’t know I have: Two talents actually – I can almost always find lost items, particularly keys – unless it’s me who has lost them. I have an amazing knack for remember useless and trivial facts.
8. The funniest thing I’ve ever said out loud: Why are dead people driving cars?
9. Worst gift I ever got from a significant other: A snickers bar, in a plastic grocery bag, for Valentine’s Day. And no, there wasn’t a card in there either.
10. Favorite punchline(s): 1. You had Johnny Ringo’s gal. 2. God Ma, sometimes you really piss me off.
11. Weirdest food I’ve ever eaten: Smoked eel. I was on a blind date with a loser who thought he was quite sophisticated. He insisted on taking me to a Sushi restaurant despite my protestations and was hurt when I ordered Tempura. He forced me to tried smoked eel from his plate, which tasted like barbecued tire. I spit it into my napkin and never saw him again.
12. Strangest thing I ever got paid to do: Buffing a bus with Zelda. It’s too long a story to tell here, so I will have to do a future post about it. But take my word for it, bus buffers have a mind of their own.
13. The one modern convenience I couldn’t live without: A flushing toilet. I can manage without a computer, without a cell phone, a television and even a car – but I could never make it if I had to rely on latrines, outhouses or worse.
14. What I want written on my tombstone: Thanks for laughing.
15. Creepiest landlord I ever had: Elliot. I lived in a guest house on the back of his property. It was a great little place and I really loved it. Until, I had to go to the front house and pay the rent. Then I would have to engage in a conversation with a man who would make Rod Serling sit up and take notice. He had two club feet and so walked with canes and wore thick, eyeglasses that made his eyes look 5 times their size. Also one of those eyes seem to wander in the opposite direction of the other. I lived there for many years and even though he was creepy, given his infirmities I didn’t worry about my welfare, however, I constantly got obscene phone calls. One day, it dawned on me that it was Elliot making the calls. I had my number changed and miraculously, the calls stopped until….I was forced to give him my number. Then of course they would start again. I had my number changed, again and again and again – always with the same result. Even to this day it kind of creeps me out to think about it.
16. Most useless item I ever bought: A cardboard cat-scratcher from Trader Joe’s. Now I love TJ’s as much as the next person – but don’t ever buy this item. Besides the fact that it is impossible to actually put together, it’s a really just a hunk of very expensive cardboard.
17. Most unusual thing I ever cooked: Crawdads. Now, I realize that these are a common southern delicacy and in fact, they are quite delicious. But the thing that makes it unusual is because of the way we happened upon the crawdads. There is a little park that is a sort of annex into Griffith Park, which is a huge national park out here. A few of us decided to have a picnic in this little park annex and happened upon a crik (creek) and we noticed these tiny lobster like creatures strolling around on the bottom. Next thing I knew somebody found some string, bread and cheeze whiz and we were fishing crawdads. We caught an entire bucketful, probably got the entire crawdad population in that crik – then we went home and threw them in a pot of boiling water. Yum, yum, they was some good eatin’.
So there you have it, all the stuff you never wanted to know about me. What about you?